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Relationship "Roles"

M

Manuel13

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Hey guys. I have a question and I'm not sure if it belongs here. I feel a little silly talking about it... but I've been thinking about it and I could use your input.

For me, when it comes to fantasizing sexually (especially about anal sex), I almost always imagine myself in the role of the bottom. I can see myself topping, but for whatever reason, the idea of taking another man really turns me on a lot more.

In the one relationship I've had before, this was never even an issue to think about. The other guy was the more dominant, take charge kind of guy... and it seemed like we just fell naturally into the dynamic of our relationship.

Fast forward to the present, and I've been talking to this guy... and we seem compatible in a lot of ways. We have both expressed interest in each other, and I think it seems clear that we will end up in a relationship sooner or later. However, based on the way we've been talking and the way that he flirts with me, I feel that he is establishing himself as kind of the "bottom" of our relationship, if that makes sense. For example, he mentions a lot about how small he is (in stature, not his member), talks about how "macho" I am, etc. Last night he sent me an erotic picture of himself and it was of his backside.

I feel a little weird because I'm pretty sure I'm interpreting it correctly (though we have never talked about it directly)... and I guess I'm just not sure how I should respond. I feel pretty confident that I could adapt myself to the more dominant role sexually, but it got me wondering about whether I would feel really fulfilled sexually if I was boxed into that role.

Does it make sense what I'm saying? Have you guys experienced this kind of thing in a relationship before? Do you feel more comfortable in one position than another, and would you be comfortable taking on the other role for the right person...?
 
I think it is unfortunate that anal sex seems to be the deciding factor in whether two men are compatible or not.
You have only been "talking" to him and you are sure you will end up in a relationship at some point? And this is based on more than just sexual positions, I hope?
I only ask these questions because you indicate it is not just a hook up for sex.

Falling in love and forming a relationship is a beautiful and mysterious thing. The internet has caused too many to bypass this wonderful experience and move into the physical, which can never sustain a relationship.
 
Hi. Sorry, I can see where you are coming from based on just what I've shared. Our relationship does not revolve around sex though and to be frank, even if we become boyfriends, I don't plan on having sex with him for quite some time. Just last night I told him that if we were going to be in a relationship at some point, I don't think it's wise for things to be so sexually charged so soon. This is just something I am trying to understand better. It seems like an additional challenge in gay relationships that straight couples don't have to deal with.
 
When you feel comfortable enough, you should let him know that you like to bottom as well. Stop speculating and start articulating and communicating to him to clear the air. Based on his feedback, you can decide whether you two are sexually compatible or not.
 
That shit in all it's various forms and degrees is incredibly common.

If you're fine with that, fuck it. If you're not, talk it out BEFORE you make any promises, who knows, there may be a deal killer in there somewhere.
 
I think you should be prepared to meet others sexual needs (being dominant for him) but they should be prepared to offer the same (maybe him being dominant for you?) Size has absolutely nothing to do with it let me tell you.
 
Each relationship establishes it's own pattern. I've always thought it a shame that gay guys don't always take advantage of all the possibilities out there in the realm of sex. Basing what we do on the typical straight model dismisses the fact that there are two penises in our relationships. Seems a pity not to take advantage of that.
 
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