Relationship Type

[Danugh]

I am the relationship type and i was trying to have a relationship with a straight basketball player and it was going well until his girlfriend came back home a couple days ago. Then he cut me off cold turkey.

I was so hurt so i felt the best way to get over my hurt was to hook up with a hot guy.

Boy was i wrong. I went to the pub and met a sexy, masculine hotty. He decided we should go to his place.

He didnt talk to me at all, maybe just 10 words total. Just silence but for the music.

So we hooked up, it was cool while it was going on, but then whille he was taking me back to the pub he didnt say a word to me, just blasted the music.

I felt like a cheap whore. The sex was good but he was an ass, or maybe he is not an ass because when you hooking up, its just about the sex nothing else, but i didnt want to marry him, i just wanted to feel human and not like a piece of meat.

So this experience makes me relaize even more that i am the realtionship type.

I doubt i'll be hooking up again anytime soon, unless the guy is straight and hot with a big penis, but even if i do he is going to have to talk to me, not hook up and then be on his way.

 

[luminum]

Well, bear in mind that if these guys you go after are 'straight' as you claim, you're probably always going to get guys who only want you while their girlfriends are unavailable--that's all part of being 'straight' or MSM.

So why not actually go for someone who is willing to return your affections, not just out there for a girl-replacement?

 

[Danugh]

So why not actually go for someone who is willing to return your affections, not just out there for a girl-replacement?
December 9th, 2006 10:20 PM

This thread is not about the basketball player. He left me hanging in the dust as soon as his girl game back, so he doesnt deserve a thread.

The thread is about hooking up and realizng that hooking up isnt for me. I am a relationship type person. But when you are at a low point sometimes you do things to feel better temporaily and it did feel good while it lasted then i felt like crap.

I am just not the hooking up type not that there is anything wrong with it but maybe the rules of the game could be adjusted to include a little small talk, nothing serious but at least say something to me, not treat a person like a piece of meat. Even meat has feelings. Before it was meat, it was a chicken or a pig or a goat and animals feel too.

To hook up you have to develop thick skiin.

 

[BrandonSBCA]

To hook up you have to develop thick skiin.

Oh I agree there, I mean even if it's just for sex you still have to have a thick skin for it to be a one night stand. It sucks, that's why I'm not wanting to hook up because I'm the relationship type.

 

[Brijan]

[poises fingers to type]

..........
[hesitates]

[leaves thread]

 

[justsimon]

[poises fingers to type]

..........
[hesitates]

[leaves thread]

Ditto.....

 

[luminum]

Obviously this means I better than the two of you because I resisted that urge! Bwahahahaha!

Way to rise to the challenge, Emma. :: pat pat::

Yeah, hookups aren't for me at all. And going after 'straight' guys isn't part of that either.

 

[trawler69]

Hmmmm.........

 

[NickCole]

Both situations you describe are self-destructive circumstances for someone who craves a relationship.

A gay man can't have a happy ongoing sexual relationship with a man who identifies as straight. (By the way, your basketball player is not straight -- straight men don't want to have sex with men.) If you're craving that and you want to be happy, you should look at why because it's a self-defeating desire and there are reasons for it. (I've had self-defeating desires, too, and I know it's agonizing to move away from them, but it does set one up for a much happier existence.)

And a man who wants conversation can't feel good about any kind of relationship, even a hook up (which is its own kind of relationship), with a man who won't talk.

For several years I hooked up with lots of guys and conversation was a part of it. A hook up and conversation can go together really well, and, for me anyway, was very satisfying. In fact I probably relished the no-strings conversation more than the no-strings sex. But you have to know what you want, your top priorities, and make sure you pick up what you want.

If you're able to attract men and you're not ending up with what you want, you're the one who's keeping it from yourself.

 

[Danugh]

If you're able to attract men and you're not ending up with what you want, you're the one who's keeping it from yourself.

Thats some good stuff thanks.

Its true too and i have been told that before but, you cant really help who you fall for, at least i can't. I have talked with hook ups in the past but yesterday was the first time there was just this silence, no speak and thats what i took issue with. Hooking up is just that. No friendship, no marriage, just sex and sometimes you never see the person again and dont even know there name.

I dont know how people do no strings sex like its no big deal.

The only one i could do no strings with is a celebrity male. I am just no cut out for no strings lol at least with certain people.

 

[Brijan]

Obviously this means I better than the two of you because I resisted that urge! Bwahahahaha!

Way to rise to the challenge, Emma. :: pat pat::

Yeah, hookups aren't for me at all. And going after 'straight' guys isn't part of that either.

Look, if you aren't going to rise to the occasion, someone has to.
I can't count the number of times I've bailed you out.
I'll just add this to the list.

 

[3nipples]

You must have a different concept of relationship from mine.

 

[luminum]

Look, if you aren't going to rise to the occasion, someone has to.
I can't count the number of times I've bailed you out.
I'll just add this to the list.

Yeah, don't forget to put the tally under 'Emma', next to the 'Emma saves everyone from Cassandra Nova's mummudrai form' tally mark.

So maybe now that you're not cut out for no strings, you'll stop trying to go after your straight buddies? Because they won't give you what you want.

 

[RicanDAB]

I am a relationship type person. But when you are at a low point sometimes you do things to feel better temporaily and it did feel good while it lasted then i felt like crap.

Yeah, I think I have come to this point now - describes me well. Hooking up is like a drug - it numbs the pain for a little while but the reality hits back eventually.

 

[Danugh]

^ Ouch much?

First off i had explained my actions earlier. I was feeling low after being cut off from my man.

I just wanted some body contact, that closeness.

For me straight guys are like a delicasy, the way the cockroach is a delicasy in some countries. Thats why i make exceptions for straight hook ups.

Whenever i can bag a straight i go for it. I dont expect a relationship from a straight but a staight hook up is hot.

The only problem i had with this hook up last night was how empty i felt afterwards. It made me feel a lil cheap and that i just am not cut out for the random hook up.

Anyaways its over, im still feeling low but this too shall pass.

 

[luminum]

I'm not going to say much, other than that we should all try to keep our direct comments helpful and inoffensive, since this is a no flame zone. Remember, he has an issue he wants to bring to our attention and we should respect his problem and help him work through it. Criticisms are welcome, but keep them constructive and helpful.

 

[Danugh]

I'm not going to say much, other than that we should all try to keep our direct comments helpful and inoffensive

Its a sad commentary on the kind of people here when you have to tell them not to be inoffensive and helpful.

Good people shouldnt have to be told not to be inoffensive. If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all, simple.

Some people need to look into themselves and find out why they feel the need to be rude and offensive, rather than just ignore.

 

[RicanDAB]

O2, excellent post!

BTW, I had never heard it put this way before and I could not help to laugh because it sounded so cute ... I'll have to use it sometime:

... Hookups are great to get a quick pinch and squeal ...

 

[3nipples]

Now that I'm a few years older, I know how they felt, and I understand. If you know its just going to be a meaningless hookup, then why bullshit and pretend like you care? That's probably how this guy saw it, and he apparently thought you did too. I am sorry that you got hurt a little in the process, but I have to warn you that I think you are going to find more and more men that will act this way when they hook up. Maybe not quite so harsh about it, but basically the same attitude.

I know how this sounds, but people who are willing to have quick hookups past about age 25 or so have de-romanticized sex to the point that it really is meaningless, and that means that they don't feel like they owe you anything. Hookups are great to get a quick pinch and squeal, but they can cut pretty deep if you look for an emotional connection that isn't there. If you are going to continue to do this, I suggest you adjust your expectations a bit.

Sad commentary. Good thing it isn't true.

In my experience, "you reap what you sew" would be the more accurate generalization. A guy who can be sweet to one can act like an asshole to another and that irrespective of his age.

 

[looseliam]

This isn't a gay/straight problem. It's a "I was used" problem.

I think you're finding as you get older that the hook-up thing isn't all it's cracked up to be.

You also have to be mindful of where you meet these boys. When I meet someone in a club, I am not expecting any of the niceties found in a relationship. I'm expecting sex and that's it.

As for the silence on the ride, he may have been nervous. I find I do the same when I'm a bit flustered.