Relationships are weird.

[windgates]

For me anyway.

Hear me out (even though I'm still a little buzzed)

In the past.. 3 years since I've really been in a relationship (which was in high school by the way, which I took seriously at the time but looking back...) I've had the opportunity to have a serious relationship with like, two guys (both in the sense that we hooked up and they wanted more).

Both times I was chickenshit and I couldn't tell them just... No, I didn't want to, I always did the "its not you its me thing" distance is too hard or I'm not good for a relationship right now. I realize its shitty, but at the time I thought it would be the best thing to do for an easy let down. They really were good guys, I just didn't see it happening in the long run.

Now I'm in a position (I think) where I could be in a relationship with a sweet guy, who I feel differently than those past two guys. Where distance isn't and issue at the moment and that I like him. We get along well, we're both physically attracted to each other, like the same music, shit like that.

But i don't even know where to begin. I haven't been in a relationship in so long I wouldn't even know how to start, what to do. That scares me. I always figured I was waiting for the right guy to come along and everything would just take place, but it just isn't about finding the right guy, its about me being ready for him too, and I'm not sure if I am.

What the hell.

 

[looseliam]

Go with the flow. Make sure intentions are clear between you two, and let it happen.

There's work in relationships, but a relationship should not be work.

Enjoy!

 

[Brijan]

But i don't even know where to begin. I haven't been in a relationship in so long I wouldn't even know how to start, what to do. That scares me. I always figured I was waiting for the right guy to come along and everything would just take place, but it just isn't about finding the right guy, its about me being ready for him too, and I'm not sure if I am.

"Where to begin"/"how to start"... you talk of relationships as if there is only one proper procedure to adhere to.

People, not just you, don't really know what to do. Some people:
a) have an idea of how THEY want things to go or the "steps" they are going to take
b) are good at reading people and able to quickly and effectively react to others/situations
c) are flexible enough to make it look like they have a plan they are following
c) determined/hard working enough they seem as if they know which steps should be taken.

I'm sure the most successful relationships involve people who have these qualities (know what they want, interpersonal skills, flexible, determined/hard working).

I guess where they really luck out is the fact that those are transferable skills; so it is likely they are successful in other aspects of their lives.

(Intimidating?)

 

[SantaCBear]

'Hang' with him and just be his friend - enjoy the sex too... This is NO one way to begin a relationship.

 

[Caeth]

just take it as it is...don't overthink it heh.

 

[M4P]

Hey Windgates

I'm with the other guys. There aren't any guidelines - just let it happen. Hang out, have some fun, be especially good to eachother and if its meant to be it will fall into place

Good luck and let us know how things work out

 

[mascbiguy]

theres no guide lines, things just tend to happen. and let them happen, go with the flow, sit back and enjoy the time you spend together. some work out, some dont. some go for a long time, some only a quick fling. but learn from each one. you cant really be in one until you are happy with your self, and happy being alone.

and a relationship should always start out good, if there are problems in the first month or so, think about how it will be down the line.

 

[G-Lexington]

The reason there's no steadfast rules about relationships is that every single one is unique. Patterns may emerge, but there's very little advice that applies to all of them. So there's going to be some fumbling around, some mistakes made, and some toes (and tails) stepped on.

That said, here's what little advice I can give.

1. Knowing is half the battle. (Yo, Joe.) Realize that you two are separate individuals, and that you're coming from two different directions, and there's going to be some adjustments that need to be made. Just because he sleeps in past 8am or doesn't buy you a huge bouguet of flowers on your one-month anniversary or doesn't want to go see a romantic comedy at the multiplex does NOT mean he doesn't care.

2. That's a two-way street. He may be confused/upset/unhappy about something you've done or not done...and you won't even realize you've done/not done something. Try to look at things from his point of view as often as you can.

3. Keep the lines of communication open. If anything confuses you, ASK.

4. Assuming everything goes well, keep him informed how happy you are. Everyone likes a little positive reinforcement.

Lex