Relationships in College?

[texasteen19]

Hey guys,

I've recently admitted to my roommate and a few close friends that I'm gay. I'm a sophomore at Georgetown University and last year I had a few run in with guys but it was mostly just sexual. I really want a relationship with another guy, but I'm finding it impossible to find someone on campus. I know their are Web sites and stuff, but it seems like the guys are just in it for sex. I think a lot of people here perpetuate the stereotype of gay guys being promiscuous, for example I just met a guy at a party and he wanted to take me back to his room. I'm just curious about what you guys think or how anyone in college has found a relationship. The hooking up with guys is nice, but it's too shallow. I want something more, but I don't know how to find it. It's frustrating.

 

[Tar_Heel-n-ATL]

Men are pigs ... and many young college guys are likely horny pigs!

Seriously, you're in DC and G'town isn't far from Dupont. There are thousands of gay men in that area - maybe shoot for someone just out of college or find fellow students in a non-bar, non-party environment.

 

[bynneu]

Here's an answer ...

I'd say just keep putting yourself out there to meet people and to not do anything that will compromise your values. My boyfriend in college and I met through a mutual friend. It was not a setup or anything. He was hanging out with my friend, and we connected. We developed a deep friendship that developed into a wonderful romantic relationship.

Just be patient and keep meeting people.

 

[luminum]

I find that the guys who actually work in the LGBT affairs area (like an LGBT office, LGBT students groups, etc.) are more into relationships than casual hook ups. Voilunteering for things usually shows a little more maturity than the casual hook up guys.

 

[hermanding]

dont try TOO hard with agenda like - i've got to find a relationship. you can make compromises on the person if the idea of 'getting' a relationship is paramount. let things happen as they happen - or don't happen. shopping for a relationship is a dicey thing. people meet by accident a lot. as for shallow, no idea. sex can be fun, making out can be fun - can keep you mentally healthy. i hope even filosofers (?) get a charge out of sex.
ding

 

[RicanDAB]

Lord .. is this another one of those I-can't find-a-boyfriend threads?

Texasteen, check out this thread - it spells out my take on this similar issue:

http://www.justusboys.com/forum/showthread.php?p=2096892#post2096739

You're 19, you're young and have a whole life ahead of you to live and love - just have fun and flow with it!

 

[JackFTwist]

Going back to the room - to chat, to watch a dvd, to make out, its all good - college is all about going back to the room and that does not always equal sex.

And looking for a relationship is the worst way to find one. That never works.

And as a great philosopher once said:

You're 19, you're young and have a whole life ahead of you to live and love - just have fun and flow with it!

and as another great philosopher once said:

sex can be fun, making out can be fun - can keep you mentally healthy. i hope even filosofers (?) get a charge out of sex.

 

[texasteen19]

Thanks for all the responses guys! I'm really glad there are so many of you who are willing to give me advice. I really appreciate it. I guess relationships in college are generally on different level entirely - gay and straight. It's obviously not like high school where it's like "I like you" let's "go out" and stuff like that. I guess it's a question about putting yourself out there. I think the hardest thing for me right now is definitely risking putting myself out their and saying to a guy, "I'm gay and I want to get to know you or hang out"...stuff like that. I guess there is always the risk that people won't be receptive to that. Oh well.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

Most of my friends (gay, bi and str8 alike) actually entered into relationships with other people while at college, because we all really wanted sex with someone we liked and knew in the first place. Strange, when you come to think about it: horny, 18-24 year old dudes... and we were after a piece of action? Hopefully, we don't get sued now.

Do not fall prey to the theory that romance must always precede sex in every way. Do not model your m2m view of the world based on the traditional m2f attitudes of the greater society. There are worlds apart between the m2m and m2f views of love relationships.

A number of men are into men, also (not only) because, they simply cannot stand the usual 'chase', typical for the m2f couples with an open ending. Yeah, if you like the dude, and he invites you into his room and you start playing around, it does not mean that a great relationship cannot ensue afterwards. More likely, if you adopt a very negative attitude towards sex, you will be soon perceived as someone 'playing hard to get'. You don't want to go around with too much of that doubtful reputation, do you?

Men tend to understand other men. You were horny, he was horny, so you had a go at it. That is simply the way many men feel about it. If it 'clicked' between the two of you, you are going to meet up again for the movies, drinks, dinners, maybe weekends together. If you are into romance, you'll get one. But sex does not have to wait and no one has to be frustrated.

Sex alone does not make for great LTRs. But there is no great LTR without any sex in it either. Take it from someone, who has been there and done that.

Go and have fun. Adopt a positive attitude and enjoy life. The rest will come on its own and in its own time.

SC

 

[spreadeagle]

The majority of people at college are living away from home for the first time. And for the first tim ein their lives they have the opportunity to experiment or to break away without Mom and Dad peering over their shoulders.

Most of the college population are living without a permanent home, without their possessions around them, and without a job - it's a population in transit. These factors promote casual sexual relationships and decrease the likelihood of 'permanent relationships' getting underway.

You don't know who you are, what you want or where you're going, yet. On any journey we use information that we gather en route to re-define our course. Use the opportunities on offer during this relatively brief period of your life to help determiner and clarify your direction. Negative experiences can be just as useful as positive experiences for this purpose.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Keep trying on the websites. Not all the guys there are bad. And getting involved with a lot of activities exposes you to more people and hopefully, a nice guy who is gay.

 

[Soilwork]

I remember back in college when I got my first BF.

He was the cutest guy I'd ever seen... blonde and blue-eyed and too sweet for words.

I'd been watching him for ages, but I finally got up the nerve (ok, technically, I was shamed into it by my best friend) to just walk up to him and ask him out on a date.

maybe it's time you took the bull by the nuts.

Next time you see that guy, why not ask him out on a date? Ask him to a movie and dinner. Ask him if he'd like to spend the day with you.

Send him the message that although you DO find him attrative, you kinda want to have more than just a shag.




and if THAT guy isn't who you really want.. why not just ask another guy out?

It takes some guts, but you just told all your friends (please don't use words like "admitted"... being gay isn't a crime) so what's a few guys you don't even know?