Revise this text for me please.

[Kurn]

Here you go. Done seriously and carefully.
Changed some word choices. Especially prepositions.
One or two re-phrasings. Feel free to ask any questions.


Statistics show that the crime rate in Norway has been spiraling, and one can now see behavior in this country similar to those in the other Scandinavian countries. Most notable is the rise in crime among young people, which has soared to new heights over the last five years.

The government’s plans to deal with this have thus far proven ineffective.
During a press conference on the 15th of January this year, the head of justice in
Norway said there is not yet a need for the government to revise policies
touching this subject. He added that there is still not enough understanding
concerning the causes of increased crime among young people, and that a report will be presented shortly to the Norwegian parliament (the Storting) containing, among other things, suggestions for amendments in law concerning juvenile delinquency.

The opposition in the Storting, especially the right-wing party, Høyre, has expressed dismay with what the opposition parties have classified as “the government’s passive attitude towards violence in the general public”. They preach that more forceful measures need to be engaged if the negative trend in this area is to change. There is a broad agreement on the political side that greater efforts than those currently observable are needed in this
area, but even so, it is apparent that it will still take a lot of time until complete
agreement is reached concerning the negative developments regarding crime over the last decade or so. The process of amending the law would take a long time to execute, and during the process, the number of young people ending up behind bars is only increasing. When comparing crime rates with other countries, Norway is still not considered a state where crime is a major issue, but that is merely a cold comfort in the situation.

 

[RationalLunacy]

That's good, but you forgot the and two s.

 

[eftergivende]

I think I'd go with Kurn's revisions, although I'd change "proven" to "proved." "Proven" sounds more British to me.

 

[eftergivende]

And by the way The Random House Unabridged Dictionary does not agree with your teacher in defining the word, "youth." How would she explain the term "youth hostel"?

 

[Zeremonie]

I like this topic!! I like both the subject matter of your text plus helping you with English corrects. I only have a few thoughts I want to share:

(1) It's my understanding that incarcerated is spelled with an "i" not an "e."

(2) Although this rule is often ignored with many writers, punctuation goes inside parentheses. For example: (I didn't copy past the whole sentence).
the government’s passive attitude towards violence in the general public.”

(3) I like Elvin's assistance with the last sentence more simply because I'm not sure I understand the expression "cold comfort." I don't think that's a common expression (at least not a common American expression).

(4) Youths is definitely a gender neutral word.

(5) Generally speaking, I like Kurn's translation of the first paragraph and Elvin's translation of the second paragraph. I strongly think that "understanding" is a much nicer choice of words than "apprehension." I wonder if you mean "appreciation" as that also might fit well.

Good luck!

 

[Croynan]

The writing i think, still needs to be yours. Otherwise i think you might be approaching plagiarism which i don't think is your objective.

Good luck.

eM.

 

[natedogg323]

I just did this text for my translation class, and I'd be delighted if native English speakers (preferably those of the American variety, since that's my choice, and differences do occur) would bestow upon me their brilliance and correct any bad choices regarding words, phrases, messed up clauses, etc.. Make me hit a homerun! (with my teacher) (who's female) (also, quite old) (hit a homerun sounds sexual) (no).

I promise you, the following text is NOT boring as hell, I repeat: not boring as hell. If it turns out to be though, don't worry, I've sprinkled the text with smileys so to make the experience just that much more riveting. Tear it up boys. (that also has a slight sexual ring to it).

Crime rate spiraling in Norway

Statistics show that the crime rate in Norway has been spiraling, and one can now see a behavior in this country similar to those in the other Scandinavian countries. Most notable is the rise in crime among young people, which has soared to new heights over the latest (LAST) five years. The government’s plans to deal with this have thus far proven ineffective.
During a press conference on the 15th of January this year, the head of justice in Norway said there is not yet a need for the government to revise politics touching this subject. He added that there is still not enough apprehension concerning the causes of increased crime among young people, and that a report will be presented shortly to the Norwegian parliament (the Storting) containing among other things suggestions for amendments in law concerning juvenile delinquency.

The opposition in the Storting, especially the right-wing party Høyre, has expressed dismay with what the opposition parties have classified as “the government’s passive attitude towards violence in the general public”. They preach that more forceful measures need to be engaged if the negative trend on this area is to turn. There is a broad agreement on the political side that greater efforts than those currently observable are due on this area, but even so, it is apparent that it will still take a lot of time until (A)complete agreement is reached concerning the negative evolvements regarding crime over the latest(LAST) decade or so. A potential amendment of law would take a long time to execute, and during the process, the number of young people ending up behind bars is only increasing. When comparing crime rates with other countries, Norway is still not considered a state wherein crime is a major issue, but that is only cold comfort to the situation.

Please take me seriously.

sincerely,

- that guy.

I put in 3 very minor corrections in bold parenthesis. You should be proud of that piece. Its written very well and sounds very much like how a educated american would speak. My english skills are not that great so don't take my corrections as gold...LOL But I like your story.

 

[khushibagh]

Here you go. Done seriously and carefully.
Changed some word choices. Especially prepositions.
One or two re-phrasings. Feel free to ask any questions.


Statistics show that the crime rate in Norway has been spiraling upward, and one can now see behavior in this country similar to that in the other Scandinavian countries. Most notable is the rise in crime among young people, which has soared to new heights over the last five years.

The government’s plans to deal with this have thus far proven ineffective.
During a press conference on January 15th of this year, the head of justice in
Norway said that there is not yet a need for the government to revise policies
touching on this subject. He added that there is still not enough understanding
concerning the causes of increased crime among young people, and that a report will be presented shortly to the Norwegian parliament (the Storting) containing, among other things, suggestions for amendments in the laws concerning juvenile delinquency.

The opposition in the Storting, especially the right-wing party, Høyre, has expressed dismay with what the opposition parties have classified as “the government’s passive attitude towards violence in the general public”. They are advocating that more forceful measures be taken to change the negative trends in this area. There is a broad agreement on the political side that greater efforts than those currently observable are needed in this
area, but even so, it is apparent that it will still take a lot of time until complete
agreement is reached concerning the negative developments regarding crime over the last decade or so. As a result of these differences in opinion, legal changes are likely to take a long time and in the meantime the number of young people behind bars is only likely to increase. Although compared to other countries, Norway is still not considered a state where crime is a major issue, that is merely a cold comfort in the situation.

See my suggested changes in bold. Good luck with your assignment

 

[khushibagh]

FWIW, a youth is male. Youths, plural, can be male and the other sort, hence youth hostel.

I think youth as a noun generally refers to males as "There were several youths hanging outside the pizza place" while youth as an adjective can refer to young people without regard to gender as in "youth hostel" or "youth pass" or "youth conference"

 

[Leidian]

(2) Although this rule is often ignored with many writers, punctuation goes inside parentheses. For example: (I didn't copy past the whole sentence).
the government’s passive attitude towards violence in the general public.”

I learned that punctiation goes inside the quotation marks only if it the quote is a sentence in its original source.

Ex:
A great man once said, "This, my friends, is a complete sentence."

If it is just a word then the punctuation goes on the outside.

Ex:
Famous Writer refers to this phenomenon as "the phenomenon".



Which is ultimately correct?

 

[trawler69]

I think "Small consolation" might be a better and more comonly used translation rather than meager consolation or cold comfort.

 

[MainEntry]

The phrase is "small comfort" not "cold comfort". I've never heard of cold comfort. And.... "trend" is better than "behavior". "Meagre" is British spelling.

 

[cocktales]

Bravo, this thread is a great example of sharing and compromising with different views on meanings, words, their usage, etc....

The English language is so versatile and can be used in so many different forms and yet almost mean the same thing...or change the whole meaning...

I think you all gave him some good answers to his statement and he should be able write it now himself and make it sound better...

I enjoyed reading all the different inputs very much...

 

[dw8038r2]

Periods and commas always go inside the quotation marks. I can't think of a correct example where they wouldn't.

 

[JSB_01]

Wrong. Everybody knows that when a sentence begins with a you only use one unless you have a which takes two 's.

And make sure you remember one of the most common rules:

before , except after !

 

[Kurn]

I thought mine was a little stiff and that Elvin's loosened-up the style.
I had trouble with the last sentence, also.
"Cold comfort" is a familiar phrase, but NOT a common phrase. A bit literary.
If someone comes in from the cold you give them a warm blanket. If you give them a thin one, it's "cold comfort."
It's cold comfort if taxes are lower but inflation and costs eat it all up.

"Meagre consolation" or "small comfort" are less sentimental-sounding for this type of report.

 

[Kurn]

Keeland and Khushibagh also offered GOOD suggestions.