Rock Bottom

[miketlow]

I have been looking and reading through many threads and felt that I need to speak because I can't hold it in any longer. I hope I am clear enough that somebody can understand my story.

In short I have been dealing with a lot over the past few years, well the past 7 years I should say. Lost my mother, grandmother and last year my sister to cancer. All very devastating blows to my life in general. I had to end a 6 year long relationship with my ex, because we were going in two different directions. Also lost my job was out of work for year and a half only to land a job, be harassed by my manager for about a year, until I was laid off. Was out of work for almost another year. The being without a job so long really messed with me mentally. Depression set in, but I tried to ignore it.

Fast forward to today, I am in hell mentally, to the point its affecting every aspect of my life. I am having thoughts of not being here anymore, because I just want the pain to stop. I want to not feel like prisoner in my own mind. I am experiencing physical pain, headaches out the blue, upper back pain etc.. I feel my life has no purpose. The few positive things that are going on in my life (new job, new place and car) are so far in the mist of my mind that I cannot enjoy them. Happy is not a word I know at this point. The few friends that I do have are very concerned about my mental state. They have expressed concern, but where I am mentally it feels like I am being kicked while I am down.

The tip of my iceberg is having more stuff piled on it and I am sinking....

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

That sounds like an awful lot to deal with in only 7 years.
Have you tried any form of counseling? Either way, you definitely need to go to a doctor and get your physical symptoms evaluated. It is unlikely you will get emotionally better if you are in physical pain.

 

[Benvolio]

It is not clear what the problem is. New job, new place and car sounds like a good new beginning. I don't want to seem callous, but we all lose our parents. In Hamlet, the King reminds him, your father lost a father, who lost a father, who lost a father.... You Mom would not want you to ruin your life grieving.
It sounds trite, but today really is the first day of the rest of your life. Concentrate on the future, and try to put the past behind. Do try to get counseling.

 

[miketlow]

That sounds like an awful lot to deal with in only 7 years.
Have you tried any form of counseling? Either way, you definitely need to go to a doctor and get your physical symptoms evaluated. It is unlikely you will get emotionally better if you are in physical pain.

I am looking into counseling since my insurance at my job has started and they offer mental wellness programs, plus I spoke to my doctor last week about my depression. So hopefully I can lose these negative feelings I have been dealing with for a long time.

 

[glorff]

When you hit rock bottom the only way you can go is up. Go buy a good bottle of Scotch and have a single drink so you have something to look forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow find something else that has a similar idea and build the life you would like one day and a little bit at a time. Before you realize it will be looking a whole lot better.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

I am looking into counseling since my insurance at my job has started and they offer mental wellness programs, plus I spoke to my doctor last week about my depression. So hopefully I can lose these negative feelings I have been dealing with for a long time.

You sound like you are in an incredible amount of pain. It is a very positive sign you are pursuing help.

One thing that might be helpful is to consider that feelings are rarely, if ever, permanent. If you can see that you felt very different in the past, then, it reasons, you must be able to feel different in the future.

 

[JoeyJoeJoeShabadu]

miketlow, did you make any progress on the counseling?

 

[cgymike]

When you hit rock bottom the only way you can go is up. Go buy a good bottle of Scotch and have a single drink so you have something to look forward to tomorrow. Tomorrow find something else that has a similar idea and build the life you would like one day and a little bit at a time. Before you realize it will be looking a whole lot better.

In that frame of mind having a "single" drink may turn into a single bottle so I would not give that advise at all. Drugs and alcohol (which is a drug) won't address the problems. Constructive measures like finding a counselor will. I only hope you were joking.