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roommate advice

payit4ward

payit4ward

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I am moving from one state to another and i am considering sharing a house or apt. with someone and i prefer that it be another gay male but i am a little cautious about being in the household with another gay man because i dont want to get in a situation where he would think we were friends with benefits or anything more than just roommates. I also dont want conflict to arise if i choose to do my own thing and spend time with my friends doing things he wouldn't necessarily be included in. I also am a very private person in regards to my personal space such as my bedroom and i would be a little worried that he would not respect that boundary. im interested in your thoughts and opinions on this...
 
Ever hear the phrase "don't screw the crew?"

The only way you will be in a situation like that is if you put yourself in one. Simple solution, don't sleep with people you live with. Just because two guys are gay and live together doesn't automatically mean they will sleep together.
 
When you get to your new location putting an ad in the paper is the first step, some papers won't let you say gay in the ad like in Omaha, NE. but if you can make sure you put it in. Don't interveiw your people at the apt or house chose a public place. just give then a general area at first, get references if you like then. Check out the references. then have then come to the residence. I got fucked over good. So be cautious.
 
Dutch182 said:
When you get to your new location putting an ad in the paper is the first step, some papers won't let you say gay in the ad like in Omaha, NE. but if you can make sure you put it in. Don't interveiw your people at the apt or house chose a public place. just give then a general area at first, get references if you like then. Check out the references. then have then come to the residence. I got fucked over good. So be cautious.
Click to expand...
I will be cautious but just to give me a little insight what to look out for do you mind sharing a little bit about how you were fucked over? if you don't want to i will understand
 
go to "gayroommates.com.

follow the plan and set all rules before hand and even put in writting if you must.

the site works well.

other wise you never know who you get.. at least with RM.com you a better idea..
 
And absolutely, talk to the guy before definitely deciding. You should always have a talk with any potential roommate anyway.

Make sure you both understand and agree on all the details of finances, chores, privacy, noise, etc. If you know the guy is gay, make sure he understands that you're only looking for a roommate, not a lover.

Unless of course, you decide you want benefits after all...
 
Umm, have you had roommates before?

I've shared living arrangements with 3 or 4 other gay males in the course of a few years. The only way you would end up sleeping with them is if you put yourself in that situation... it's not that different than a straight guy and a straight girl living together - they don't necessarily sleep together or become best friends. Maintaining your own schedule, social life, having people over, having a bf, etc. are all given parts of being alive, I think. No roommate should expect otherwise. Occasionally you become really good friends with your mates, but if it's not what you're looking for, you should talk with the people beforehand and ask if it's a social house environment or not - meaning do the people hang out together or is it cool to stay in your room most of the time. Saying you value your personal space/quiet time/privacy is all you have to do, although it's nice to maintain that you're friendly and can still chat over a cup of coffee sometime, or make the occasional meal together. Personally, I've been in both extremes - living with people who I became really good friends with and there was more or less a family atmosphere around the apartment. I don't recommend it because when it goes bad, it's really awkward. It can also make your home life seem too heavy, too invested in the social situation. But I also don't like people (women, in particular, to be honest) who come across as bitchy, unfriendly, don't even say hello, and so on.

Check out my thread in this forum for some more discussion about this.

Also, check out craigslist - search for terms like "gay friendly" and "queer positive." I also think it's ridiculous/don't believe that a place like Omaha won't allow you to put "gay" in a newspaper roomie ad.

Hmm, what else. Living with other homos is great, lesbians too. You can relate a lot more. And I think people who look for roommates as lovers is very rare, and weird. Definitely not the norm where I am...
 
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