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Ruined Friendship?

B

biromance

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Hey Guys
First time poster, long time reader
Im Secretly Bi/Gay
So on monday night after a big night out on the town with a close friend we got back to his place both very drunk and as soon as we sat on the couch he started feeling me up and the rest is history. We had sex for about 3/4 hours and did everything moved from the lounge to the shower to the bedroom! During our hot session he said that he was gay and was going to live the straight lifestyle wiht kids etc. I asked if we could do this again and he said "Yeah... maybe"
We didnt sleep in the same bed after sex, i had to leave early in the morning for work and said to him i would talk to him later.
The next day i tried to talk to him on FB and he went offline coinsidence?
On thursday i text him asking what he was doing that night and if he wanted to do something. He replied "Busy. No."
Tonight i tried calling him and it just rung out :S
I dont know what to do my birthday is next week and im having a big party, i dont want that to be the first time i see him...that if he even shows up
I think i might have fallen for him after the one night stand, we have know each other since high school and i dont want this to ruin our frienship.....what should i do?
Any advice would be great
You Guys are awesome
 
Well there's a simple rule - don't develop feelings for self-hating guys. Not as easy to do as to say, but you have to protect your heart. So you're good enough for a fuck but not to date or even talk to after? How worthless does that make you feel? And he doesn't even have to WANT to send you this message.

Your friendship as you know it is over. You've both introduced a new element, and the outcome will depend on how honest he is with himself and you. He doesn't sound like he is willing to face things for now.
 
When you contact him he thinks you want sex again, while he is thinking he does not want to be gay. And you know his secret (he is gay) and may spread it. If you get a chance, email, text or what ever tell him you want to be friends and that's all. And you won't tell anyone. I don't buy the concept of "self loathing". I think most gays go through a period when they think maybe they can still have the conventional life with a wife and children and a house with a picket fence. He eventually will probably realize that is not going to happen.
In the meantime he probably wants your friendship to be what it was before "that night" and if you can convince him that is all right and his secret is safe with you, you can be friends again. When he feels better about himself, maybe more.
 
Wait for him to contact you and don't expect him at your party. He's got a lot to process and you're the reminder that he broke through his denial, at least for that night.

Don't fixate on this. He'll either come around or he won't.

I hope you have a happy birthday, regardless.

And, welcome to the forum!
 
Do hope that you will move on and not get fixated on him. Be a friend first and foremost, if and when he gives you the opportunity. Do not force yourself into his life, but do continue to be around - don't avoid him. He will probably avoid you as the others have said, he is shocked and vulnerable now and needs to repair that.

Happy Birthday - - do celebrate and enjoy yourself. Do be careful. I hope you find a love that grows and develops and strengthens.

Rand
 
Rolyo85 said:
Well there's a simple rule - don't develop feelings for self-hating guys. Not as easy to do as to say, but you have to protect your heart. So you're good enough for a fuck but not to date or even talk to after? How worthless does that make you feel? And he doesn't even have to WANT to send you this message.

Your friendship as you know it is over. You've both introduced a new element, and the outcome will depend on how honest he is with himself and you. He doesn't sound like he is willing to face things for now.
Click to expand...

Pretty much exactly this.
 
Thanks heaps for the advice!
It has made me think about it from his aspect....i guess im just going to have to give him time x
 
Friends come and go with the tide unfortunately and very few remain washed up on the shore.
 
Rolyo85 said:
Well there's a simple rule - don't develop feelings for self-hating guys. Not as easy to do as to say, but you have to protect your heart. So you're good enough for a fuck but not to date or even talk to after? How worthless does that make you feel? And he doesn't even have to WANT to send you this message.

Your friendship as you know it is over. You've both introduced a new element, and the outcome will depend on how honest he is with himself and you. He doesn't sound like he is willing to face things for now.
Click to expand...

this is the truth.
 
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