S/M & Love

[igamenir]

Hi,
this is probably question only for those into sadomasochistic fun..

It's about half a year now, since i found a new boyfriend. We love each other a lot, more than anything. And we both are into S/M - into both roles. To say it simply, we love to get tortuned and we love to tortune a guy.

But there comes the problem - though I know my bf would love to get tied and tortuned, I just can't get myself over it. And visa versa. How can I hurt my beloved partner? No way.

How are you getting over this?

As I say we love each other, so it's not so necessary, but it would be more fun to get this involved too...

 

[dapanzo]

As they say, no pain no gain!

 

[G-Lexington]

So you love to torture and get tortured.
Your boyfriend loves to torture and get tortured.
But...you "can't get yourself over it"? Meaning, you feel bad about torturing him? I'm not sure I understand where that comes in. You can hurt your beloved partner because he loves it. The same way you can serve him his favorite meal, or fuck him his favorite way. If he really enjoys it as you say, you're giving him what he wants.

You might try getting some "positive reinforcement" while you torture him, if you think it'll help. Before you do something to him, snarl "You WANT me to do this, don't you? You WANT me to hurt you and make you scream out in pain, don't you?"

Lex

 

[josher]

Perhaps you should listen to that inner voice of yours that seems to be saying, "I can't purposely hurt someone I truly love." And so should he.

 

[versa39]

its not easy to psychologically turn yourself "off" when you are with your partner..but it can be done thru practise. the love boundry does create quandries in S/M relations, but more so if both are versatle then top/bottom. in top/bottom your roles are defined, no blurred lines, no blurred acts..but if you are switching around, it creates those gray areas of doubt...am i hurting him? does he really like this because i do ? etc....talk it through with partner, you will be better in the long run as to what to do and avoid.

 

[nautiboyjeff]

Get a tutor.

 

[TomahawkEagle]

Just discuss what would be done during the session and agree on a safe word beforehand. That way you'll know for sure that your boyfriend is enjoying the pain and if it hurts too much that he can't take it, the safe word will indicate that he really does want to stop the scene. Everything else that's said would of course be part of the scene.

Just on a side, wish I had a bf who was into S/M too.

 

[Lube]

Get a tutor.

Truer words were never spoken.

S&M is nothing like real torture. If you go into a session thinking it is, then one or more people may end up in the hospital or jail.

S&M is a delicate dance between 2 or more people. It takes a lot of skill to be good at it (top or bottom). You have to be very observant.

Go on recon.com and find someone local who is willing to work with you (individually or together). Make sure you feel very comfortable with this person before you do anything with them. See if you can get recommendations in the local gay community.

There is nothing worse than some S&M wannabe who thinks being a Dom means beating or whipping the living shit out of some poor sub. Good people may make it look like that's what's happening, but in fact it's a very carefully choreographed event.

Learn before doing.

Good luck.

 

[igamenir]

We've learned much before and we're both skilled in both roles, so don't worry, it's not the problem.

As for the tutor, i can't imagine taking someone else into are sex/sm fun..

So it seems we'll say goodbye to sm fun... so what, we're happy anyway.


But thanks guys for all the opinions and advices.

 

[Lube]

Do you think people into S&M don't love each other?

I'm totally confused by your reply.