Safe sex and long-term relationships

[umimherekinda]

My partner and I got tested together about two months into our relationship. Everything was negative, including HIV. It's now been about ten months, and we're going to get tested again, just as a follow-up.

We're monogamous, and in a healthy relationship. Up until very recently, we've used condoms, and it's the recent unprotected sex that has gotten me worried about STDs again (we've since started using condoms again). I know there's always a risk, even with using condoms, so my question isn't so much about whether or not I should be concerned; rather, how concerned should I be of having unprotected sex with my partner? I need some perspective.

I guess I'd just like to hear some stories from people in similar situations, and what made you all decide for or against continuing to use protection.

 

[sixthson]

Are you worried because you aren't 100% sure you can trust him or is it just the idea of unprotected sex?

From discussions here on this topic, it would appear that not everyone is comfortable going condom-less for a variety of reasons.

It was never an issue for us because of our trust for each other, but I would never encourage anyone else to have unprotected sex because it is such a personal decision.

 

[umimherekinda]

I trust him. I think it's just all of the talk of unprotected sex being essentially bad. I have it in my head that any instance of it is somehow bad, even if it's within a low-risk context. Is there such a thing as low-risk unprotected sex?

 

[bulldawg1979]

clean+clean=clean. If you are in a healthy, monogamous relationship where you both trust eachother then your risk of STD's is pretty small. If you have any doubt at all or too much anxiety about it, stick with protection...

 

[racer2438]

we been together for 28+ yrs, and we did condom for the first 6 months, and have not used them since. That was 28 yrs ago and we always clean, are good N healthy and we know each other like a glove...

so for us we BB all the time

 

[yannes]

I am very worried about stds but I do have unprotected sex with my partner because I trust him. Of course I did want him tested to be sure first. I know there is always the chance thay he ha some unprotected sex in the meantime somewhere else, but if i dont feel like I can trust im on that, there is no reason for me to tay in a realtionship. I hope that you get what I am saying.

Anyways, I think it´s a good choice t go back to protected sex if you feel safer that way, and your bf is a good sport if he doesnt mind

 

[mbamike]

clean+clean=clean. .

Pretty much sums it up.

 

[Georgiadude]

I don't understand your concern. You said you trusted him and are in a healthy relationship. Both of you have been tested and are negative. So unless in the back of your mind your questioning his fidelity you don't have much to worry about. My suggestion is to read up on std's and how they're transmitted. If BOTH of you were tested and NEITHER of you have had sexual contact with anyone else or came into contact with blood or body fluids (needle sticks, splashes to the eyes or mouth) your exposure risk is minimal. Educate yourself and relax. He can't infect you with a disease he doesn't have and you can't infect him if you don't have one.

Steven

 

[umimherekinda]

Thanks everyone. This is my first long-term relationship, and I've been trained so thoroughly to never even THINK about not using protection; it's just unnatural for me to go without it. I think I just needed to hear that people do, in fact, go without it if the circumstances are right.

 

[KaraBulut]

Thanks everyone. This is my first long-term relationship, and I've been trained so thoroughly to never even THINK about not using protection; it's just unnatural for me to go without it. I think I just needed to hear that people do, in fact, go without it if the circumstances are right.

Well, don't use "what other people do" as the standard. Their circumstances won't be exactly like your circumstances. In the end, this is a decision that you and your partner have to make based upon your circumstances.

All of these safer sex decisions come down to how much risk you're willing to accept. Whether the question is "oral without a condom", or "topping a fuck buddy" or "bottoming for a boyfriend"- all of these situations have risk. The difference is how much risk. There are examples in the literature where someone contracted STDs, including HIV, in just about every circumstance that you can think of.

If you are making this decision based upon a discussion and an agreement of monogamy with your boyfriend and after testing then that is less risk than the same situation with a stranger. But it will never be without some risk.

 

[bankside]

If both of you are free of infection, and monogamous, then sex with someone you trust has no risk.

But sex with someone you want to trust is still a bad idea.

You need medical facts. You also need to decide together if you trust each other with your lives, because that is the responsibility you are taking on when you go condomless together.

If you decide you don't quite trust each other, the next question is, do you really want to sleep with someone you don't trust? If my guy was unable to earn my trust I would not sleep with him at all.

 

[Seasoned]

In July we will be together 30 years. We have always been honest with each other. We began our relationship condomless. Soon there was a gay health crisis that affected more than the US East and West coasts. We decided to be monogamous, but as we were both sexually active in the pre-HIV era it sometimes was a struggle. We promised each other that if we slipped and had sex with someone else it would be safe sex and we'd let the each other know. It happened on both our parts several times. We'd use condoms until we were both tested and then to back to normal. It eventually got to be such scary bullshit that we'd use role-play instead.

STDs don't come out of thin air. The key is a commitment to honesty.