screwed up,plz help me

[notfake]

hi guys,im completely sorry to open this thread without doing any search cuz im sure there are a lot of these topics,but right now i feel so desperate that i hardy type.

So,im 18 (i know my prof says 21 or sth but i dont know how to change this) and for like 3 years i was always dreaming about having sex with a man,and how great it would be and how it would be,i was fantasizing about all the time.i wanted it to be so great, specially my very first experience,but things went kinda different.

First of all,i was chatting over the net with guys such a long time,but nth ever happened with anyone cuz i wanted to be different,special plus i was scared.
but this Monday,i was chatting with a guy who asked me to go to his ship,he said that we'll have a drink,chat for a while and then only if we both want to,we'll continue.btw the guy is 33(though i dont thing that age really matters).
so i went there,i was so fucking nervous and it was so obvious.we had a little convo for a while (actually i wasnt speaking that much cuz i was so uncomfortable and didnt know what to say).
Then we went to bed,had our clothes off and did what we did.
i must say that he didnt know it was my first time,i told him i have done it a few times.at first he was really cool and kind,we kissed etc.we've done it 4 times,but only the 1st one he cum in me (with condom).then he took a little nap.that's where one of my problems starts,i found the condom and it was completely dry and empty,no cums or anything in.i freaked out,is there any possibility to finished into me and didnt realize it?
of course i couldnt ask him sth like that..

Secondly,the whole sex thing wasnt awful but it wasnt great at all.i mean nth like what i was expecting for..the pain was huuuge and i hadnt a worth saying pleasure.i mean i only cum one time and alone,just masturbating which i think is very sad.next day i couldnt even walk or eat or even drink water.when i see a naked guy or sth i freak out and feel disgusted.at the moment i really dont feel like having sex ever again,and this guys a bit later wasnt that sweet cuz he was even avoiding to kiss me etc.i felt and still do,like shit.


Plz guys i definitely need your help cuz right now,im completely depressed,i dont eat i barely drink a glass of water and i feel so awful,plus there is the condom issue that makes me even worse,and he hasnt call though he said he will.
i preferred my imaginary fairytale world,where i couldnt get hurt physically and mentally.
thank you all.

 

[G-Lexington]

OK. First off, let's just go over some of the things you did, and what you might have done better. I'm not playing the blame game here - just doing a quick once over.

If you were really nervous, you should have told him that. I know you thought it was obvious, but he was going to go by your words rather than how you looked. Ideally, you should've gotten to know him the first visit, and then gone home and thought it over.

You said you had had sex before. That means he didn't think he had to be extremely gentle or careful, or help talk you through it. He assumed you knew what was going on,a nd that you knew what you were doing. I know it's embarrassing to say "I've never done this", but he most likely would've been somewhat more gentle had you told him. As far as he could tell, you were a horny guy looking for a quick fuck, like he most likely was. So that's how he treated you.

The condom is a bit curious. Did you see him put it on? Because even if he tore it off during sex, or it ripped or something, there should be SOMETHING on or in it. Do you think he put it on, and then yanked it off before inserting into you?

What to do now? A few things.

First, get yourself tested. Now, in a month, in three months. All three. Just to be on the safe side.

Second, get in touch with him. I know it'll be tough, but try to keep your emotions in check. Let him know about the condom, and ask if what happened. Feel free to tell him that it was your first time if you'd like, but that's rather immaterial at this point.

Thirdly, you'll need to look into getting some counseling. This obviously was traumatic for you, and you're probably going to need help getting to the other side of it.

Yes, sex can be rough and impersonal, but a lot of people like it like that. It can also be tender and downright magical, and a lot of people like it like THAT. If you want it to be tender and magical, you'll have to go somewhere where you're a lot more likely to find others who want it that way. Most folks online, however, are in the first group.

Best of luck to you.

Lex

 

[bbzane]

It sucks what happened to you bro, but for your first time you shouldn't have made it a hook up from the internet. Most guys online just want to get off and that's it, specially the guy who you did it with who was much older and you guys didn't have much in common. About the condom, that sucks and you should go get tested just in case, maybe the cum had dried or something... I know it's easy to get attached to the guy you had your first experience with but you have to let it go. Some guys can be assholes as you will find out. The reason why you might be feeling depressed or nasty is probably b.c you feel taken advantage of. You went into this knowing that it was just sex so try to move on and dating a person before having sex with them, it's not the same when you have feelings for someone than when u're trying to get off. Hope this helps....

 

[EvilForce]

*sigh*

This is what happens when you keep trying to make the first time "special" but then go on some random fuck.

Hook up with a buddy. Hell pay a male prostitute. But some jackass on the net looking for bustin his nut? Pass. Also, you don't have to do anal if you aren't up to it. That's the beauty of a fuck buddy or boyfriend. You can slowly work yourself up to it. First just snuggling, then jerking off, then sucking, then fucking.

Start back at square one, and rebuild from there.

 

[Lube]

Notfake,

Sorry that you had to go through all that. What a terrible experience for your first time.

This guy only worked to get himself off, and expected you to get yourself off. That's the way hookups generally work. Since you told him you already had sex, he figured you knew that.

Yes, the difference between our fantasies and reality can be quite stark sometimes. :-(

OK, you've had your first experience. Skip the Internet and find yourself a caring man like yourself.

Lex's advice is spot-on.

 

[notfake]

thank you all for your answers.
how long after do i have to go for the test?
i mean i thought it takes like 6 months or so,should i go earlier? can i have reliable results before the 6 months?

 

[alley]

if you get tested earlier you can find out out about other diseases--which would show up fairly early. Hiv can take longer that's why you need to be tested in 3 months and then again in 6.

I am sorry your first time was such a ordeal.

 

[notfake]

what other diseases? urgh guys i know im completely uninformed about these issues,so can you help me,about how can i protect myself?
also i would like to ask( i hope it's not really stupid),can you get HIV by blowjob or if you eat cums?
thnx once again

 

[StlKj]

If you believe he might have ejaculated inside you, you should be able to get to a doctor/hospital right away and take a round of meds (called PEP) to lower the risk of contracting hiv if you are afraid you were exposed. There is a 72 hour window of exposure in which you can begin the meds. However, they are potentially expensive (most often not covered by insurance) and they only lower the risk of contracting hiv--they are not guaranteed to prevent it.

The best thing to do now is the accept what happened, forgive yourself if you're beating yourself up over this, and make sure you're even more careful the next time. If you find yourself obsessing over this to the point of not being able to function, seek out some counseling or call a gay and lesbian hotline for your area to talk to someone.

 

[stryco]

well, young one... I can only repeat what the other guys have said...
1) go to a dr for check-up/tests...
2) it is great dreaming about love, the first time... but believe me, l don't think any one in this world had a great/fantastic first time...
3) not always easy meeting new/gay friends, but... the inter-net is not really the place... a lot of strange people out there...
4) and finally, some very sane person suggested, find a prostitute... l say, go for it... these guys make it about you... and that is what you need... some-one to put your needs first...
5) you are young and healthy, go out and enjoy life... with your friends...
and... l honestly wish you well... may all your dreams come true...

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>also i would like to ask( i hope it's not really stupid),can you get HIV by blowjob or if you eat cums?
thnx once again

CAN you? Yes. But it's a lot less risky than anal. Basically, you need a direct route from the semen to your bloodstream. Cold sores or bleeding gums provide this route. You're a LOT more likely to contract HIV via anal.

Lex