Second Thoughts About The Past

[Danugh]

Last year August i ended a long term off again on again relationship and made it clear to the man that i do not want any more contact. I mean really clear. At first he tried to get me to at least talk to him and try and work things out, then he tells me that i will not hear from him again.

Problem is, i want him back in my life. But i cant be the one to email him first or call him first. Sometimes i call his phone and hang up just to hear his voice. I go online hoping to see him but he probably deleted me.

Had i not been the one to end the relationship then i would call him but since i told him i never want to communicate again how can i reach out to him?

We shared so much, if i call first then he wins.

Its like i cant be without so i call him. I would much rather he call me but thats not going to happen because new number, but same email. I check my email 2 twice a week hoping to get a message from him, saying anything at all, just so communication can be restored. I dont really want to be in a relationship with him anymore, i just desire his friendship. I wanted to end it but i shouldnt have closed the door on all communication.

Its just that he did me so wrong and when you are mad you do things that you probably wouldnt have done had you cooled off.



So i dont know what to do. I am not stressing over him its just that my mind runs on him every so often. I doubt he thinks about me. Maybe i should just move on instead of waiting on a call that will never come.

Whats a (new) boy to do?

 

[NickCole]

Move on or write to him and be honest and direct.

 

[looseliam]

This isn't about who wins. No one wins unless it's the two of you.

Swallow what pride you may have and call him.

What if he, too, is thinking the same, only you won't call.

Life's too short, I find, to let something petty keep you from love.

 

[Danugh]

You mean even though i told him not to ever email or call me again, i can still reach out to him?

I dont want to get pie on my face.

If only i could know for sure that he thinks about me, or wants to hear from me.

I need a sign. That only happens in the movies.

I have to give it some more thought.

 

[NickCole]

You mean even though i told him not to ever email or call me again, i can still reach out to him?

Absolutely.

You can do anything if it's sincere, genuine, honest. Especially if love and friendship are at the root.

I dont want to get pie on my face.

Neither does anybody else.

But even if you do, it cleans off.

In ten years, which do you think you'll regret more: not knowing what might have happened if you'd called, or rejection that will have long since lost its sting?

If only i could know for sure that he thinks about me, or wants to hear from me.

Yeah, would be nice if taking a chance were a sure bet.

If you find that crystal ball, let me know where I can get one too, okay?

 

[Riverrick]

I think I remember this one. It took a lot for you to get over him and closing the door to communication was meant to help you do that.

The question is why do you want to open the door now? Are you really ready for just a friendship? Your post sounds like there is more angst in all of this and that makes me worried that you are reaching out to him to fulfill other needs of yours, such as loneliness and the desire for an intimate relationship.

 

[Danugh]

Absolutely.

You can do anything if it's sincere, genuine, honest. Especially if love and friendship are at the root.


Neither does anybody else.

But even if you do, it cleans off.

In ten years, which do you think you'll regret more: not knowing what might have happened if you'd called, or rejection that will have long since lost its sting?


Yeah, would be nice if taking a chance were a sure bet.

If you find that crystal ball, let me know where I can get one too, okay?

Wow thats some good stuff. Thanx Nick

I think I remember this one.

The question is why do you want to open the door now? Your post sounds like there is more angst in all of this and that makes me worried that you are reaching out to him to fulfill other needs of yours.

Well truth is i would be reaching out to him to fulfill some needs of mine.

But i really could sustain the friendship, its just that since i want him for something, i cant really call him first and just lay my needs on him. It would be as if i am just calling because he is needed for something and that would give the wrong idea. For even though i have the needs he can fulfill, i do also desire to reconnect with him.

Now if he reached out to me first then i wouldnt feel weird sharing with him my needs.

 

[skaterboi]

I get the feeling from reading your posts that you live a car crash style life. Constant up and downs, lefts and rights. And its almost feels like you enjoy the thrills and spills of it all.

Best advice I can give you is take a step back from everything in your life and see where you are, where you want to be and what you want. You sound very young (18-20?), I know it sounds sad but dont you think you need to grow up a bit and be more mature about the actions you take. (a lot of the time you sound like you're playing teenage mind games with people instead of just being open and letting someone know what you want)

Good luck mate, I really think youll need it.

 

[provenlogic]

[blunt]
i think you need to call him and apologize for being a jerk to him when you told him never to speak to you again. and hope he still loves/likes you enough to forgive you.
[/blunt]

 

[looseliam]

"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do."
-Zachary Scott

And here's one of my own, along the same lines:

"It is better to have a destination and not reach it than to never know you couldn't have gotten there."
-LooseLiam

 

[drhladnjak]

First, stop playing games and hoping for 'signs'. Either call the guy or move on. Sitting in this limbo will bring nothing but grief to you.

 

[luminum]

Write him something that says that you were wrong to cut him off and that you enjoy his friendship (and that's all) and that if he wants to, the door is open. If he doesn't want to, that would be okay, too.

That way, if he takes you up on it, you'll be friends, and if he doesn't, at least you'll know that you tried and made your peace.

 

[Danugh]

Ok I Just Did it

[blunt]
i think you need to call him and apologize for being a jerk to him when you told him never to speak to you again. and hope he still loves/likes you enough to forgive you.
[/blunt]

Well there was a reason why i told him not to communicate with me again, maybe because he was the "jerk" but i am over that for the most part.

"As you grow older, you'll find the only things you regret are the things you didn't do."
-Zachary Scott

And here's one of my own, along the same lines:

"It is better to have a destination and not reach it than to never know you couldn't have gotten there."
-LooseLiam

So true

Sitting in this limbo will bring nothing but grief to you.

Thats true.

Write him something that says that you were wrong to cut him off and that you enjoy his friendship (and that's all) and that if he wants to, the door is open. If he doesn't want to, that would be okay, too.

That way, if he takes you up on it, you'll be friends, and if he doesn't, at least you'll know that you tried and made your peace.

Ok guys i did it. It wasn't easy but i did it. No i didn't tell him i was wrong to cut him off because i don't feel i was. Although i shouldn't have left it open for possible future contact.

I wrote him a general email, that i think can provide both of us some closure should we never speak again. I was short but to the point.

I must have read it over a 100 times before pressing "send." I would be ok if he didn't respond given the content of the email, and at least the door is at least open again for communication.

I won't stress about whether he responds to the email or not because i usuallly freak out if someone doesnt respond within a timely fashion as it could mean so many things.

I sent the email, i can't take it back. I don't even know if he is going to get it because i told him to block and delete me from him life so my email could very well be blocked from his inbox or filtered to junk.

Either way i know i did what i felt needed to be done and thats all.

 

[luminum]

Good job. At least now you know you did what you could have.

 

[provenlogic]

It doesn't matter if HE was the jerk. You don't just sever ties with people you care about, no matter what. It's callled TALKING to them about issues and WORKING it out. Not turning your back on them. He may have been wrong, but in my opinion you were more wrong to just shut the door on him. In any case, you both have apologies to make, and i'm afraid yours will probably have to come first.

 

[Danugh]

Ok i know i said i wouldnt stress about him not emailing me back but i just checked and he hasnt responded. Which could mean he didnt get it, or just ignored it, i dont know and it really doesnt matter.

Ok look i will ferl better if someone tells me that the email i sent was ok.

The gist of the email was that he had assisted me, years ago with a project and now i am about to complete the project. So since he assisted me at the start of the project i just felt it was right that i let him know that i am about to finish it and that it was because of him in the early stages why i am about to complete the project now years later. You know just to let him know i appreciate all that he did for me back then, even though now we no longer communicate.

I also told him i might be in his area soon and if i do get there i would give him a call and we could maybe have a drink.

Then i just said Take Care.

What do you think? that was good of me right to thank him and let him now that i did infact complete the project he helped me start?

 

[looseliam]

Just make sure you call him when you're "in his area."

 

[Danugh]

Guys its horrible.

I just checked my email and he responded .

I would have much preferred if he just ignored it and deleted it .

He said he is happy for my success and congratulated me on the near completion of the project; however he said that when i come to the area that i am not to contact him as he does not want to have a drink with me.

He said when i decided to cut off contact, it hurt him deeply and it took a while to get me out of his system. He says he has gotton me out and does not wish to re-establish a relationship with me, even for just friendship.

He wished me all the best for the rest of my life and asks that i not contact him anymore.

I almost cried. This is not what was supposed to happen.

And my day was going so well, how do i continue? I miss him so much and now he wants nothing to do with me.

I should never have sent the email . I feel like sh_t. He one upped me, he won.

Where do i go from here? Do i learn something from all of this? If so what?

I don't know whats to become of me now that i cant have him.

I don't know what to do, i am saddenned by his response. I thought we had a deep connection taht could withstand any storm.

Our titanic has sank.

I just have to rebuild. But how? Why ?

We were a team, how do i build without his support?

I don't need a man to make me happy or whole.

There was me before him and there will be me after him.

But i liked the me with him and now i have to be me without him.

If i could turn back time...

I have to go now

 

[looseliam]

You do the same as him: Day, by day let a little bit of him go.
He's made his decision, please respect it.

I'm sorry it turned out this way. You've a big heart, but you tend to wear it on your sleeve.

It takes longer for others, but the pain and the feelings eventually subside.

I find a nice 12 year single malt scotch eases the transition.

So now it's 'you' time. It time to lick you wounds (for lack of better words.) Go out this weekend with some friends and try and have a good time.

 

[Elwood]

You ask if you learn something from this? I would say that you have learned never to burn bridges....