Seek ye first the knowledge of JUB...

[SilverRRCloud]

Dude,

If you want to put your moves on this guy, he is all yours... His past is surely an issue, to an extent. However, it would be wrong to allow his past to dominate your and his future.

Telling someone that you are gay is your good right. I am rather doubtful as to why would they really want/need to know that but that is truly your prerogative. Telling someone, on the other hand, that you think, he is gay is altogether a very different issue. I would really cut that bit short. Labelling other people is NOT your prerogative, when you come to think about it.

Say, how about leaving out the whole 'gay' thing out for a while? Go out, make friends, check the vibe, have some fun and see, where this takes you to. Once you start planning to move in together and spend the rest of your days under the same roof, the big GAY talk will come along on its own anyway...

SC

 

[looseliam]

I think he could use a good friend.

If things progress later on, so be it.

 

[Fiorino]

Just be a good friend, who knows what rewards this may bring.

 

[Eagle653]

You say that he is straight. If you know that for sure, then you don't have a chance, romantically. But, he sounds like he could sure use a good friend, and you seem like a good person and friendly. That might have to suffice with this one. I wouldn't ruin those chances by confusing the issue with your sexual attraction to him.

If it turns out he's not as straight as you think he is, then things can progress that way on their own accord--later.

Good luck!

 

[fireside]

Priorities, in this order:

1. His HEAD. It's gotta be a chaotic mess after that string of events. Get the man to understand that he's better than his situations have proven. Bolster his self-confidence, but don't let it border on abject egotism.

2. The two of you's FRIENDSHIP. Develop that first, because a man this troubled in the past, though he may still be human and need to get off, will probably be looking more for emotional and moral support, that which can be provided by a trusted friend.

3. Your ATTRACTION. This part would be tricky after all that, but hopefully by this point you'll understand the true friend you have, and throw any sexual interaction by the wayside. However, if it turns out that he likes to play around, that's between the two of you, and really not for anyone else to decide.

I do say go in this order to heed caution. You never know what flipside has developed from so many emotionally straining events, and I'd hate for the dude to try to beat you up for trying to get into his pants.

 

[enderwiggen]

Definately tell him you're gay [so that he knows you are completely honest with, and trusting of him], but because of his very complicated past, show him that you want to be friends. Build a good strong friendship first. To me, having had a rather complicated past myself [though not quite like his], I found myself in need of a good friend first and foremost.

Dont put any moves on him until you guys are good friends. Because he has had really bad relationships with people, [theoretically] he needs a good strong and solid relationship with a "normal" person and a "normal" friendship.

Once he is secure in the relationship between you two, and you can tell that he is emotionally and psychologically stable [people often hide their mental and emotional instabilities very well] then if you are still attracted to him, start nudging things in that direction.

But before you start a "relationship" build a good friendship first. From the sounds of it, he really needs a good close friend.

 

[rareboy]

Don't fuck with him. He's had enough trouble already in life.

 

[thewiz]

First, I agree that you should leave the "gay" and "straight" thing out of it right now. I'd start by trying to be his friend; it sounds like he could use a friend and someone that he could share things with.

With that said, be careful because you may feel like you are up against a vacuum cleaner; he may have a lot of needs and may challenge your emotions. I say that with some experience. Having only been out a short while, I met a young guy who was nice but very much like your friend. He was a host at a nearby restaurant and I eat there quite often and would talk with him, etc. I mentioned we could go out for a drink sometime if he wanted.

About 1/2 hour later I got a call that he wanted to go for a drink. We (he) talked for about four hours and was pretty much like the guy you describe (homeless and also attempted suicide). He was "dating women" and I was cool with that. He knew where I lived and stopped by one day; I really didn't think that much about it. Next thing I was fucking him and he was fucking me in the bedroom.

While the sex was great; emotionally I would feel drained after being around him. I got called one night after someone tried to rape him (he got drunk, was slipped something, and found himself about to get fucked by three guys before he punched his way out of the house). I picked him up and drove him to his house in his underwear and torn shirt.

I have stayed friends with him but I do have to deliberately keep distance because if I'm around him for very long, I get tired of the drama.

So, befriend him with no strings. If your gaydar is indicating "maybe" then things might happen. If he is straight, don't push it because he sounds like he has had enough in his life already. Make sure your intentions are that you are doing this out of love and not "fix it."

 

[unclaimedblessing]

Your coworker has every reason to be a emotional wreck.
He needs a trustworthy and nurturing friend who doesn't have ulterior motives.
If you're serious about developing a friendship with him, tell him you're gay, because he probably needs honesty too, and not another betrayal in his life.
Later, when you both understand each other better; if a natural, sexual relationship happens, he will know you were honest from the onset of your relationship.