Below is my journal entry from yesterday, any advice would be appreciated I know that the decision is mine to make, and that you cant make it for me. Just wondering if someone has been through something similar before. Obviously I can’t be with both of them, but I am in love with both of them. Some of it has been edited so that it makes sense to an outsider. Sorry it got a little lengthy.
It’s 3:30am April 1 2010, I can’t sleep….Again. Josh is asleep about 5 feet away, blissfully unaware of what I’m feeling right now. Graduation is 5 weeks away, I’ve narrowed my choices for grad school to two, and have a few job interviews lined up in the next couple of weeks. Couldn’t be better right? Wrong……Enter Clay.
I moved to Austin mar 2008 to settle in before enrolling as a transfer student in the fall semester. I didn’t know a single person, but life is an adventure. I’ve never regretted my decision to move. I quickly found a job, and met Clay. We became friends at work, friends outside of work, and after a few awkward conversations we decided to date. Fast forward to the fall and we were boyfriends in a serious relationship, the kind I always wanted.
Clay graduated in December, and we moved in together in January 09 (it was more a financial decision). We were in love. Then, clay was offered a job out of state, his dream job. I found out through a friend. Clay was going to turn it down because he didn’t want to hurt me. I told him that while I couldn’t move again with only 2 semester left, I would regret it if he stayed because of me. We agreed if we were meant to be that we would be meant to be at a later time as well. We “broke up”, and it was mutual. He moved away May 1 2009. I was devastated, but I knew it was the right decision. I told Clay that I would consider moving when the time was right.
About a week later after a grueling final exam, Josh a classmate cornered me in the hallway and asked me out. I declined, and explained my situation. He understood and asked if we could hangout since he really needed a “gay” friend. I agreed. We hung out a few times (strictly as friends). During the summer I was talking to Clay(phone) and Josh came up. He seemed indifferent, so at the advice of some friends I pursued Josh. Our first “date” was July 4, and the rest fell into place. It got more serious than I thought it ever would. I am in love with him.
Yesterday was josh’s birthday, and it was perfect. Perhaps that’s why I don’t know what to do. Clay told a mutual friend that he was “waiting” for me., and that I had been talking about moving.( I had). Josh, well what can I say, he’s everything. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be leading anyone on either…..Its 415, Josh is stirring, I better go lay down bc my journaling is about to wake him up.
It’s 3:30am April 1 2010, I can’t sleep….Again. Josh is asleep about 5 feet away, blissfully unaware of what I’m feeling right now. Graduation is 5 weeks away, I’ve narrowed my choices for grad school to two, and have a few job interviews lined up in the next couple of weeks. Couldn’t be better right? Wrong……Enter Clay.
I moved to Austin mar 2008 to settle in before enrolling as a transfer student in the fall semester. I didn’t know a single person, but life is an adventure. I’ve never regretted my decision to move. I quickly found a job, and met Clay. We became friends at work, friends outside of work, and after a few awkward conversations we decided to date. Fast forward to the fall and we were boyfriends in a serious relationship, the kind I always wanted.
Clay graduated in December, and we moved in together in January 09 (it was more a financial decision). We were in love. Then, clay was offered a job out of state, his dream job. I found out through a friend. Clay was going to turn it down because he didn’t want to hurt me. I told him that while I couldn’t move again with only 2 semester left, I would regret it if he stayed because of me. We agreed if we were meant to be that we would be meant to be at a later time as well. We “broke up”, and it was mutual. He moved away May 1 2009. I was devastated, but I knew it was the right decision. I told Clay that I would consider moving when the time was right.
About a week later after a grueling final exam, Josh a classmate cornered me in the hallway and asked me out. I declined, and explained my situation. He understood and asked if we could hangout since he really needed a “gay” friend. I agreed. We hung out a few times (strictly as friends). During the summer I was talking to Clay(phone) and Josh came up. He seemed indifferent, so at the advice of some friends I pursued Josh. Our first “date” was July 4, and the rest fell into place. It got more serious than I thought it ever would. I am in love with him.
Yesterday was josh’s birthday, and it was perfect. Perhaps that’s why I don’t know what to do. Clay told a mutual friend that he was “waiting” for me., and that I had been talking about moving.( I had). Josh, well what can I say, he’s everything. I don’t want to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be leading anyone on either…..Its 415, Josh is stirring, I better go lay down bc my journaling is about to wake him up.
