Hello there. I don’t really know how I should start talking about my situation. It’s quite complicated. First of all I’m an almost 20 year gay male from Greece. I have no guilts about it, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve completely accepted who I’m and what I really like and I finally know that there’s nothing wrong about homosexuality. I still feel a man, just with different sexual orientation and that’s all (not that I have anything against feminine gay people, not at all). I had some relationships (with men of course, even though in the earlier years I’ve tried to be with a girl but of course it didn’t work out , I mean duh I’m gay 
) and I can say I have a really normal sexual gay life. I’ve done pretty much anything already LTR, hook ups, one night stands, fuck buddies, some threesomes, orgies etc. The last one just because I wanted to try them and see how it feels like, I’m not that much of an “orgy” person but let’s put the blame on the age and the curiosity.
Recently I told my parents that I’m gay. I’m sure that they knew it already (I’ve never really tried to hide it) , but I wanted to “prepare” them and be sure that they’re ready to deal with it. First I told my mother ( I gave her to read some highlighted emotional quotes of a book with a personal note like “that’s also how I feel everytime I have to lie to you about myself and hiding this part of me”. And after a few days I told my father as well. They didn’t react with any of the expected way parents usually do. They didn’t yell and start throwing things (I knew they wouldn’t. They’re quite low profile and peaceful people) , also they weren’t happy I mean except from Michael’s from QAF tv series, I don’t really know any other mom and dad that would’ve been happy about their son being gay. Also they didn’t start to cry, I couldn’t see any grief . What hurts me the most is that they never asked me anything, they didn’t try to understand. They were just like:
- Ok, why are you telling this to us, what’s your need of letting us know?
- Well I just can’t keep lying about it and hiding it any more. I said it because it makes me feel better, because I know that you’re not any savages who would’ve thrown me outside my place and I just want to be honest with you because this is who I am and since it’s a major part of me I believe you should know.
- Well we just think that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You may think you are “gay”, since you chose to use that word but you’re not. You just want to hurt yourself for thing s you haven’t done. If you want to live like that and put that label on you then you can do it , we cannot and we won’t even if we could, stop you or try to change your mind but allow us not to agree with you. We understand what you’re saying, we listen what you’re saying BUT we do not or ever will accept it.
Since the coming out scene it has been approximately 6 to 7 months now. Things have gone wild around here. I mean we fight A LOT but never about me being gay, there’s no such thing for them. I mean sometimes when I’m really angry and I bring that all this happens ‘cause I told them about my homosexuality they just pretend it’s not there :
- You just say that, maybe because you’re trying to make us feel guilty for something but you won’t make it because there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
- I couldn’t agree more, there’s nothing to feel guilty when it comes to homosexuality. (Of course after that they never continue talking, when our conversations come around homosexuality they’re rather short and that’s how they usually end up, with them leaving the room).
There’s something excessively important I should come up with. I’m utterly convinced that their attitude comes directly from their therapist. So to help you understand, there is this psychologist that I used to visit a lot formerly, but I stopped seeing him because he wasn’t listening to me. He was just continuously saying that I’m not gay and I’m just saying that because I wanna make myself to differ from my father because I can’t deal with how much we are the same and that I’m also claiming that to make them hate me and prove that they were never good parents etc . But God know how wrong is that. I would never do that. I mean, choosing to have sex with men, just to take vengeance on my parents? It’s just so weird and nonsense from where I stand. I even remember him asking me :
- Okay so you’re saying you’re gay, what makes you think so?
- Well several things, I mean I can tell whether I’m gay or not , it’s myself we’re talking about.
- Tell me examples , happenings that makes you feel that way and being so sure of it.
- I like men.
- What do you mean? Define “I like men”.
- I like men, I like seeing them, imagining them.
- You mean sexually ?
- Yes.
- Well that doesn’t mean anything. I may like man, I may dream men, I may see someone walking down the street and give me an eraction. Does that mean that I’m gay?
- I don’t know about you but I certainly can tell about me and I know it. I’m not here to talk about me being gay or not. I know that I am, it took me awhile to deal with it and accept it and taking me back there in the “maybe not” area it’s not really helpful and definitely not the reason I’m here for.
- So why are you here?
- To talk about it, because I don’t know where else to turn. You’re my therapist theoretically you are the one I should tell.
- Or you here just to convince me to talk your parents about homosexuality make it easier for you to come out, which practically means you’re taking advantage of our session and of me personally (blah blah blah..)
I think the reasons why I quit psychotherapy are sufficiently clear. But this is then, I was way younger and completely inexperienced so maybe he was thinking (well actually I can’t tell what the heck he was thinking and honestly I don’t really wanna know either). Anyways I was like 16 back then so that ‘s an ancient - well buried – history for me. The think is that I can see him in their eyes. They’re talking like him but they’re saying things they don’t really understand , it’s just his saying. Everytime I am with someone they’re just telling me you’re not happy, we’ll never be if you continue to live in a lie.
I’ve got nothing against my therapist he’s an extraordinary scientist who has helped my family a lot. (My parents were about to divorce before him and now all the conflicts are gone). I just don’t know why they’re not letting me live my life. I don’t want them to follow my choices but I do want them to be there for me, to ask me things. I never said that I want my boyfriend to come over for the Sunday table BUT I want them to ask me how my life is if I’m happy etc instead of telling me that I know nothing and I’m not happy and I just think I am but they know better and I’ll spend my life alone etc.
A few days ago I got my acceptance letter from a USA college, and they simply told me that I ain’t going and if I wanna go I should pay my staying there, the tuition fees etc. I know it’s about them being scared that things will get entirely out of control in the USA ( they never liked America for some reason they’re either afraid or they just think it’s where all the bad things started from ). The thing is that it has nothing to do with money, we’re quite wealthy and my college here costs way more than the American one. For God’s sake I even went to private prime school! Also I wanna study fashion merchandizing as a major so that scares them even more. Maybe they believe that if I stay there and I transform to a big drag queen or something, I honestly don’t know what to think of anymore.
They just don’t listen to me, it doesn’t matter what I’m going to say they’ve already decided that it’s wrong before I even start saying it. It feels so bad not be heard in your house! The worst part is that lately I have really cruel feelings about them. I know it’s impermanent but currently hatred is how I feel. I mean the other day I even dreamt they die and I inherit their money. I know this is bad and that I probably don’t mean it but their position makes me feel that way.
I know I’m not the ideal son (not because I’m gay) but maybe because of the polygamous lifestyle etc, not that they know but still that doesn’t give me the son award certainly. Also there was this guy that I was with for a few months and he completely went out of control when I break with him and hit me and blackmailed me about some stuff and of course my parents saw my face and I had to tell them pretty much what happened and instead of being there being a shoulder to lay my head on they just told me that this is how things are and this is how “they” react.
Their latest “how to make him furious” achievement occurred today. They wanted to go to the movies and because I’m a cine maniac they asked me if I’ve seen a movie called “Milk”.(Of course I’ve seen that movie several times already and I thought that it’s a good opportunity to open their minds and I thought that Sean Penn my father’s favorite actor so he would really respect his role and that he’ll pay enough attention). They came back like an hour after their leaving, really peaceful as always (but trust me that kills you more than fighting) and I told them :
- What happened , you didn’t find tickets? No that can’t be because this movie is not new they’re just playing it again on the local cinemas.
- No we entered the cinema, watched about 20 minutes and left really disappointed of what we’ve watched and paid for. (a clear war of nerves I believe).
I do have a major problem people that’s why I turn to you. I’ve even thought about ending things up. I’not suicidal but sometimes they’re driving me nuts and it’s all I’ve left to think about. What should I do? Is there any possible way to change their mind and make them listen to me? I just feel they’re utilizing their role as parents and as the ones with money to make me be like the want me to. I know this is a ridiculously huge post, but I had to be adequate.
) and I can say I have a really normal sexual gay life. I’ve done pretty much anything already LTR, hook ups, one night stands, fuck buddies, some threesomes, orgies etc. The last one just because I wanted to try them and see how it feels like, I’m not that much of an “orgy” person but let’s put the blame on the age and the curiosity.Recently I told my parents that I’m gay. I’m sure that they knew it already (I’ve never really tried to hide it) , but I wanted to “prepare” them and be sure that they’re ready to deal with it. First I told my mother ( I gave her to read some highlighted emotional quotes of a book with a personal note like “that’s also how I feel everytime I have to lie to you about myself and hiding this part of me”. And after a few days I told my father as well. They didn’t react with any of the expected way parents usually do. They didn’t yell and start throwing things (I knew they wouldn’t. They’re quite low profile and peaceful people) , also they weren’t happy I mean except from Michael’s from QAF tv series, I don’t really know any other mom and dad that would’ve been happy about their son being gay. Also they didn’t start to cry, I couldn’t see any grief . What hurts me the most is that they never asked me anything, they didn’t try to understand. They were just like:
- Ok, why are you telling this to us, what’s your need of letting us know?
- Well I just can’t keep lying about it and hiding it any more. I said it because it makes me feel better, because I know that you’re not any savages who would’ve thrown me outside my place and I just want to be honest with you because this is who I am and since it’s a major part of me I believe you should know.
- Well we just think that you don’t know what you’re talking about. You may think you are “gay”, since you chose to use that word but you’re not. You just want to hurt yourself for thing s you haven’t done. If you want to live like that and put that label on you then you can do it , we cannot and we won’t even if we could, stop you or try to change your mind but allow us not to agree with you. We understand what you’re saying, we listen what you’re saying BUT we do not or ever will accept it.
Since the coming out scene it has been approximately 6 to 7 months now. Things have gone wild around here. I mean we fight A LOT but never about me being gay, there’s no such thing for them. I mean sometimes when I’m really angry and I bring that all this happens ‘cause I told them about my homosexuality they just pretend it’s not there :
- You just say that, maybe because you’re trying to make us feel guilty for something but you won’t make it because there’s nothing to feel guilty about.
- I couldn’t agree more, there’s nothing to feel guilty when it comes to homosexuality. (Of course after that they never continue talking, when our conversations come around homosexuality they’re rather short and that’s how they usually end up, with them leaving the room).
There’s something excessively important I should come up with. I’m utterly convinced that their attitude comes directly from their therapist. So to help you understand, there is this psychologist that I used to visit a lot formerly, but I stopped seeing him because he wasn’t listening to me. He was just continuously saying that I’m not gay and I’m just saying that because I wanna make myself to differ from my father because I can’t deal with how much we are the same and that I’m also claiming that to make them hate me and prove that they were never good parents etc . But God know how wrong is that. I would never do that. I mean, choosing to have sex with men, just to take vengeance on my parents? It’s just so weird and nonsense from where I stand. I even remember him asking me :
- Okay so you’re saying you’re gay, what makes you think so?
- Well several things, I mean I can tell whether I’m gay or not , it’s myself we’re talking about.
- Tell me examples , happenings that makes you feel that way and being so sure of it.
- I like men.
- What do you mean? Define “I like men”.
- I like men, I like seeing them, imagining them.
- You mean sexually ?
- Yes.
- Well that doesn’t mean anything. I may like man, I may dream men, I may see someone walking down the street and give me an eraction. Does that mean that I’m gay?
- I don’t know about you but I certainly can tell about me and I know it. I’m not here to talk about me being gay or not. I know that I am, it took me awhile to deal with it and accept it and taking me back there in the “maybe not” area it’s not really helpful and definitely not the reason I’m here for.
- So why are you here?
- To talk about it, because I don’t know where else to turn. You’re my therapist theoretically you are the one I should tell.
- Or you here just to convince me to talk your parents about homosexuality make it easier for you to come out, which practically means you’re taking advantage of our session and of me personally (blah blah blah..)
I think the reasons why I quit psychotherapy are sufficiently clear. But this is then, I was way younger and completely inexperienced so maybe he was thinking (well actually I can’t tell what the heck he was thinking and honestly I don’t really wanna know either). Anyways I was like 16 back then so that ‘s an ancient - well buried – history for me. The think is that I can see him in their eyes. They’re talking like him but they’re saying things they don’t really understand , it’s just his saying. Everytime I am with someone they’re just telling me you’re not happy, we’ll never be if you continue to live in a lie.
I’ve got nothing against my therapist he’s an extraordinary scientist who has helped my family a lot. (My parents were about to divorce before him and now all the conflicts are gone). I just don’t know why they’re not letting me live my life. I don’t want them to follow my choices but I do want them to be there for me, to ask me things. I never said that I want my boyfriend to come over for the Sunday table BUT I want them to ask me how my life is if I’m happy etc instead of telling me that I know nothing and I’m not happy and I just think I am but they know better and I’ll spend my life alone etc.
A few days ago I got my acceptance letter from a USA college, and they simply told me that I ain’t going and if I wanna go I should pay my staying there, the tuition fees etc. I know it’s about them being scared that things will get entirely out of control in the USA ( they never liked America for some reason they’re either afraid or they just think it’s where all the bad things started from ). The thing is that it has nothing to do with money, we’re quite wealthy and my college here costs way more than the American one. For God’s sake I even went to private prime school! Also I wanna study fashion merchandizing as a major so that scares them even more. Maybe they believe that if I stay there and I transform to a big drag queen or something, I honestly don’t know what to think of anymore.
They just don’t listen to me, it doesn’t matter what I’m going to say they’ve already decided that it’s wrong before I even start saying it. It feels so bad not be heard in your house! The worst part is that lately I have really cruel feelings about them. I know it’s impermanent but currently hatred is how I feel. I mean the other day I even dreamt they die and I inherit their money. I know this is bad and that I probably don’t mean it but their position makes me feel that way.
I know I’m not the ideal son (not because I’m gay) but maybe because of the polygamous lifestyle etc, not that they know but still that doesn’t give me the son award certainly. Also there was this guy that I was with for a few months and he completely went out of control when I break with him and hit me and blackmailed me about some stuff and of course my parents saw my face and I had to tell them pretty much what happened and instead of being there being a shoulder to lay my head on they just told me that this is how things are and this is how “they” react.
Their latest “how to make him furious” achievement occurred today. They wanted to go to the movies and because I’m a cine maniac they asked me if I’ve seen a movie called “Milk”.(Of course I’ve seen that movie several times already and I thought that it’s a good opportunity to open their minds and I thought that Sean Penn my father’s favorite actor so he would really respect his role and that he’ll pay enough attention). They came back like an hour after their leaving, really peaceful as always (but trust me that kills you more than fighting) and I told them :
- What happened , you didn’t find tickets? No that can’t be because this movie is not new they’re just playing it again on the local cinemas.
- No we entered the cinema, watched about 20 minutes and left really disappointed of what we’ve watched and paid for. (a clear war of nerves I believe).
I do have a major problem people that’s why I turn to you. I’ve even thought about ending things up. I’not suicidal but sometimes they’re driving me nuts and it’s all I’ve left to think about. What should I do? Is there any possible way to change their mind and make them listen to me? I just feel they’re utilizing their role as parents and as the ones with money to make me be like the want me to. I know this is a ridiculously huge post, but I had to be adequate.
