Seriously...am i gay, or not???

[Danny]

Guys, I'm dead serious about this question. I'm so confused!!

For a while now, since i was a young teen, I've had a secret interest in the same sex. I can remember some strong crushes on guys in high school. That's also about the same time I became interested in looking at gay porn. I jerk off thinking about men sometimes. All signs point to GAY, right? I should also mention, I'm also very attracted to women. I love sex with women. I love vagina and the beauty of a woman's naked body. Until recently, I'd only been with women.

I decided to meet a few guys and experiment. The first time, I met a guy my age who was incredibly attractive. We started out having drinks and talking for a long time, then went back to my hotel room (yes, I know, it was probably not safe. I did it, anyway). We ended up in bed together. Although I was very attracted to this guy in all senses of the word (he was very good looking, smart, funny, classy, etc), I could only bring myself to kiss him...for hours. He actually spend the night with me. He tried to put his hand in my underwear a few times ,but I stopped him. I chalked up this experience to being nervous. Then, I decided to give it another go with a different guy. This time, I had a couple drinks and decided to pull out all stops. I was going to give him a blowjob. Afterall, I'd been wanting to give one. In the middle of this "act" i'm thinking to myself...."I HATE THIS. How do people like doing this? This is such a mistake. I want to leave right now! What am i going to do??" I apologized, and left. I just couldn't do it anymore. However, the urges came back. I decided to meet a guy once again. I know that most of the porn that turns me on involves older, very masculine men. So, I found an older very masculine man. I thought it would be perfect. I found myself in the same situation. I gave a little head. I played a little. Kissed a lot. Then decided to quickly jerk him off until he came, so that he could hurry and leave. After that experience, I decided it was not for me. I've tried to look at gay porn a few times, but it hasn't had the same affect on me. I think i've actually been thinking about women MORE, now.

What is happening to me?!?

 

[Rolyo85]

You can't know if you're gay or bisexual until you resolve the issues you have, but you are not straight.

The problem is, you have barriers in your mind about having sex with a guy. You haven't given us indication of what those are exactly, but they are obvious. Something is stopping you. I can promise you that attraction for guys, jerking off to gay porn etc. are a clear indication of same-sex attraction. You DO like guys. Whether it's on the same level as with girls, or whether it's stronger, you won't know until you find out what's stopping you in your head. Once you are SURE that you have no more issues to fight through, and are free to do as you like, you will be able to process these feelings and find out where you are on the spectrum.

My advice for now is to treat yourself as bisexual. That means, however, also acting as one. You describe hook ups, exclusively sex-oriented situations. Why not try actually dating a guy? A much clearer indication about what you like would be to see if you can be romantically involved with your own gender. Don't do it for the experiment either, do it the same way you'd do it with a girl.

As for blowjobs, I hate giving head, and I'm as gay as you can get, so that has nothing to do with it

 

[The Reviewer]

Ah, sexual discovery. Guess what? You're perfectly fine! You should be proud of yourself for even having the guts to be honest and give sex with men a chance. A lot of people go through what you do, yet decide to try to cover it up by acting out in other ways. For right now, you found out that certain types of physical intimacy just doesn't do it for you as far as the same sex goes. You might continue to challenge your sexual limits if you still feel an urge to do so; but do it now so that you don't end up hurting someone later. And although I'm a proponent of sexual discovery, you should be careful about defining yourself through sex, sexual fantasies, and pornography. I'm certain you will find that orientation is about a lot more than just sex.

 

[TX-Beau]

Guys who are trade - straight guys who are using you as advanced masturbation - will NOT kiss you, will not touch your cock, will not worry about their sexuality.

And there is your answer.

 

[Seasoned]

The best thing for you is to get yourself into therapy and sort some things out loud with a paid professional. You could end up "experimenting" forever and remain conflicted an entire lifetime. This cycle of attraction, disgust, avoidance, attraction, disgust, avoidance and so on will keep you in a tailspin and affect all aspects of your life.

It doesn't matter what I say you are. You must one day arrive at the place where you can look in a mirror and identify who you are. Good luck to you on this inner journey.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Give yourself more time to process this. Also, you are not pursuing your same-sex feelings in a healthy way. All of the scenarios you've described to me have been meeting strangers for hook-ups. Hook-ups in general, are not very satisfying. I would develop a friendship or a bond with a guy you truly like and understand. Take your time. You might surprise yourself just how much you end up liking it when you have a genuine connection.

 

[mc7777]

Is the guilt of hooking up being the turning point thought that makes you decide you don't like it? I have to think that while coming to terms, random hook ups may not be the healthiest way to accept what you like (granted what has been the way and worked for some doesn't work for all.) I think the idea of socializing and hanging out with other gays is a good idea. You can meet and find someone nice that isn't all about hooking up and will to be patient with you. Hook up are a whole different mindset. Just seems your thoughts and attitude of approach is off.

I agree with Roly85. You aren't 100% straight. Maybe bi? Plus giving head is certainly tougher than getting it! Take the good with the bad when it comes to sex. You may need this mindset to consider when it comes to anal sex! ----

 

[ThatRandomGuy]

You could be straight and had curiosity about gay sex. Or you could be bisexual. If you are attracted to women sexually then you wouldn't be defined as being gay.

The problems with hookups and the first times of having sex include things such as having limited experience which hurts the amount of connectivity one can have.

Don't worry about defining yourself and your orientation. Discover things you like, what turns you on, who turns you on and who you want to turn on. Things take time to develop. It seems you may be rushing things to find out your orientation imitating things seen in porn you may not even like doing. Don't feel obligated to have sex with a man if you're not ready for it. That feeling and nerves can kill the mood almost completely in its self. If you don't like sucking cock, don't do it. You can still have sex with a man and not enjoy/do those types of activities.

Just take your time and you can try becoming good friends first before initiating in sex to ease the overall situation.

 

[Rand]

I hope you can be accepting of whoever you are.
I hope you can be the best person you can be.
I hope you can love yourself and others without bias.
I hope you can celebrate life and know that you are blessed.

Rand

 

[coolfactor79]

Well if you like girls at all in a sexual way than I don't think your gay. Its tough to say much. It could be nerves like others have said, however maybe it was the rush of doing it and when you actually tried it wasn't for you. I'm not in your head so I can't say anything with certain.

Could be maybe you aren't comfortable with it due to friends and or family or society in general. It could be many different things. Its something deep down you know the truth just gotta figure it out

 

[2untru]

For some people, anonymous sex is not their thing. You're unsure about you're sexuality but it sounds like you're only focusing on the sex part and when you finally get to it (usually when horny), your mind clicks and you get the sense that you're missing something.

I echo what was said above about dating a guy first or getting to know a few different people who are gay/bi (even bicurious if you want to find someone on the same page). Putting a strangers penis in your mouth is an acquired taste, and I don't think you've acquired it.

Can find gay friends where ever you met those guys, there are typically a few others around who are willing to be plutonic. Phone apps, a4a, even craigslist; or better yet someone you meet at work or hanging out somewhere. The tricky part is not wanting to have sex with them when you get horny. A trick I have to spunk-texting is jerking off first, if I still want to text I will but my message usually sounds dramatically different (more like "how was your day" and not "how is your hole"). Premature sex can ruin a good thing and add to confusion.

Any who, that's my 2 cents. 'Make a friend before sticking it in'.