Seriously anxious about HIV

[fed1983]

This is not just another anxious about HIV thread. This time I'm really anxious and suspicious of having contracted HIV, and I tell you why I think so. (heads up, it's a looong story)

Some months ago some small warts came out on my face, on the bearded region mainly. I had treatment with an acid I got at the pharmacy, the warts disappeared and came out again, and a few more. Then I went to the dermatologist, who my mother warned me was good but very brutish in manners, and the first thing she said when seeing my face was 'Are you HIV POSITIVE... or negative...??' (with more emphasis on the positive). Then she was surprised by how many warts appeared (I had like four small ones by then). She treated them and then I went home wondering about her first comment, she didn't even asked me if I was a smoker, or drinker, or anything.

Then I told my mother how insensitive she was (without mentioning her HIV question), and she said she's always like that, and some people even hate her for that. My mother has had many wart treatments too, so that was a relief too, maybe we're genetically prone to this.

Then I googled to see if there's any connection between facial warts and HIV, and some sites suggested that they could be linked, some men could experience warts in the bearded region as a consequence of lower defenses (that's when I started worrying more seriously).

So the day after I went to had blood taken. The funny thing is that I had that day booked to do a general health exam that I needed for my job (cholesterol, diabetes, syphilis, and etc). In my country it's compulsory to do this GH exam every 2 years. But I asked the doctor to include HIV in the exam, so I had my general exam and HIV in the test.

This year I had some unsafe sex. The first one was earlier this year, with a fuck buddy, who's quite new in the gay sex scene. I was topping him with a condom, but it broke. We didn't worry much, I told him I was clean (which I was at the time), and he told me the same, and he didn't have much experience, so the chances were fewer. Then I got a bf, who's still my bf and we're in a very good relationship. There were a few occasions in which we got carried away and he topped me without condom (though he never came inside), but the vast majority of times we wore the condom, and even some times he tipped his cocked inside, and then put the condom on to a more serious fucking. Those were the only times when I could have caught the virus.

So with this in mind, and with my dermatologist's blunt remark, I had an anxious week waiting for the results, and on Sunday night I even got nervous when trying to sleep, so I couldn't sleep well... And today was the great day, when I'd get this off my chest.

So I went to the hospital trying to be calm, being psychologically ready, when I got to the counter and asked for my exam results. The woman loaded my information in her computer, and then asked me if I had taken the exam there... I said yes, and then she said that she didn't have the results yet.

I complained cos they had promised to have them by today. Then the woman behind her (without really paying attention to my name or anything) said that they did the general health exam, but forgot the HIV one... Then the woman at the counter said I had to take the exam again and printed a document citing me for another test exam.

I said why did I have to do it again, and she said she didn't know, but the computer said so. I looked at her puzzled, and the only thing she did was put a stamp on the document saying 'Mon-Fri 7.30 to 12, 8-hour fast'. And she read that, gave it to me, and that was it...

I felt devastated, I couldn't get this off my chest yet, I have to go there again next week (cos it's Friday today!), and when I was on the bus, I read that the document said (translated from Spanish) 'HIV: New sample required to corroborate results'

After reading this I wanted to die. I had to go somewhere else and I put a mask on my face and carried on, till I got home alone, and started to cry like I haven't done in years (I hardly ever cry).

I really fear that I got HIV and I tested positive, so they want to re do the exam to check the results. The warts on my face might be the symptom.

And now I have the weekend ahead, so I can't do anything till Monday, but I don't think it'll be easy to relax. And I'm sure my bf will call me to invite me over and spend the weekend together, which we always do.

He doesn't know anything yet, cos I didn't want to pass my anxiousness on to him until I got the results. But now, after today, I'm really fearful, and I don't know if I can hide my fear anymore, but I don't even want to tell him yet, since I'll get him anxious and it's Friday and we can't do anything till Monday, and maybe I still come out negative!

So yes, I still have the hope I may come out negative. Maybe they forgot that they had to test my blood for HIV, and carried out the general test only (which they did, and the results were good). I hope that's the reason, cos it's the only chance I have left.

I just wanted to express this here, since I don't want to tell this to anybody yet. Imagine, if I say all this to my mother, she'll die, and maybe in vain if I end up being negative. So thanks for reading and any comments welcome, and I really really hope I can post a comment next week saying I'm negative.

If that's the case, I'd feel as if I had got an extra life, and I'll make an internal party to celebrate!!! (And be more responsible next time with my bf as well!!!)

 

[KaraBulut]

It's unclear exactly what is going on.

The dermatologist is ill-informed. HPV which causes warts can become very active in people who have severely impaired immune systems. Years ago, we would see guys who were in end-stage AIDS with very severe warts. But we're talking about someone who was 5-10 years into their infection and who had a very severely damaged immune system.

HPV is very common in humans. Some people seem to be particularly sensitive to it and will get warts when exposed. Other people can have the same exposure and not develop warts.

If you've been tested for HIV within the past 2 years and your test was negative, it's very unlikely that the warts (if that is what they are) has any connection to HIV.

Which brings us to the HIV test.

The normal process is to do an HIV screening test on the blood sample. If that test is positive, the same sample is tested with a more specific test to confirm the result. There's no collection of a second blood specimen. I'm not sure what the protocol is in your country but it would be very unsual for you to need a second HIV to confirm the first HIV test.

Hopefully, this is a false alarm and the test will come back negative. Let us know how it turns out.

 

[fed1983]

Which brings us to the HIV test.

The normal process is to do an HIV screening test on the blood sample. If that test is positive, the same sample is tested with a more specific test to confirm the result. There's no collection of a second blood specimen. I'm not sure what the protocol is in your country but it would be very unsual for you to need a second HIV to confirm the first HIV test.

Hopefully, this is a false alarm and the test will come back negative. Let us know how it turns out.

It was a relief to read your post, even though it doesn't confirm anything, but it'd be good to have a more relaxed weekend.

I knew that if a sample tests positive they do another test to confirm, but I didn't know they did it on the same sample. So I hope there was an administrative mistake rather than an infection. That'd be a huge relief.

As for the dermatologist, maybe she thought I've been infected for a long time, but my last HIV test was March 2010 and it was negative. Also, it's not the first time I had warts, but yes this was the most severe one.

KaraBult, thanks for your prompt reply and for taking the job or reading and answering this. No matter what the results are I'm very grateful, since I'll be more informed until I go back to hospital next week.

I'll let you know how everything turns out

 

[nafhoosier]

I think you're jumping to conclusions here too early, too fast.

What you're worried about are symptoms of acute HIV, which is the body's initial reaction to the HIV virus, which typically occurs 2-4 weeks after being infected, and rarely 4-6 weeks.

Now its good you have some sort of awareness about symptoms, but worrying about acute HIV is basically a lost cause and a waste of energy. Here are the typical symptoms of acute HIV: Rash, swollen lymph nodes, fatigue, diarrhea, and fever.

Now, don't these kinds of symptoms sound like they can be caused by, I don't know, anything? These are symptoms that healthy, HIV-free people experience all the time due to various factors such as the flu, allergies, and genetics (which already sounds like it explains the warts on your face).

You can never know if you have HIV unless you get a test 3-months after possible exposure. You can get special tests that usually are 100% accurate way before the 3 month window, but usually they are expensive and a waste of money unless you have a serious reason to think you have been infected.

The only time I'd tell someone to be worried and get a specialized test for HIV is if they have a severe fever with swollen lymph nodes in the neck and groin, a severe rash (particularly in the mouth and trunk, apparently that's where they tend to appear), and muscle pains, all at the same time.

Even then, it could be anything.

I'm sure they just forgot to test your blood for HIV and are ordering a fasting test because that's standard procedure.

I think I'm agreeing with Kara that you shouldn't be worrying about HIV infection because of the warts---- probably not related.

I hope you learned an important lesson and use safe sex from now on..... you clearly are a worrier and this anxiety is never worth it.

I'm sure you'll be fine, but you have to tell yourself as well that regardless of the test results, life must go on (but I'm sure you're negative anyway).

Relax.

 

[fed1983]

I'm sure they just forgot to test your blood for HIV and are ordering a fasting test because that's standard procedure.

I think I'm agreeing with Kara that you shouldn't be worrying about HIV infection because of the warts---- probably not related.

I hope you learned an important lesson and use safe sex from now on..... you clearly are a worrier and this anxiety is never worth it.

I'm sure you'll be fine, but you have to tell yourself as well that regardless of the test results, life must go on (but I'm sure you're negative anyway).

Relax.

Hey, thanks for the message! I'm not that worried about the warts alone. What got me paranoid was the people at the hospital asking me to take a second test. Then I linked that to the warts and it looked as if everything made sense. The problem is that I knew that if the ELISA tests positive, they do a second test, but I didn't know it was on the same sample. So when I saw those people at the hospital giving me that piece of paper without any explanation (bad customer service btw!), and the document said it was to corroborate results, I thought that was it!

Now I'm much more relaxed, after having written here and learned more about it, so I'm very thankful!

Still, I'm waiting to go to the second blood test, which in itself is a pain in the ass, and I'll be waiting for the results with a bit of anxiety of course, but not as much as before

 

[cocksucker4use]

One thing that comes immediately to mind, is that your instructions include "8 hour fast." You don't have to fast for an HIV test. Do you recall how many tubes of blood they drew the first time? It may be that the first sample clotted and they really need to redo the whole panel. Or, they were telling you the truth and just didn't do the HIV. Are there any places that do rapid HIV testing in your area? You run a small paddle-like holder around your gums and have the result in about 20 minutes. The question from your dermatologist is a fair one, actually. Your status can affect the way she diagnoses and treats what she's observing on your face. Sometimes a wart is just a wart. Oh, and you should discuss this with your bf, and he, as well as all sexually active people and those with professional risks should be tested regularly.

 

[fed1983]

I'm not sure about the fasting thing, but it's not the first time they ask me to fast before doing an hiv test, the previous time was my GP, when she ordered an hiv test.

But other times I had hiv tests without fasting and nobody told me anything.

I don't think the first sample clotted cos they could run the other tests (cholesterol, syphilis, etc), so maybe they forgot the HIV one.

I'm not gonna do a fast test cos I already went to have some more blood taken and now I just have to wait until Friday to get the results.

 

[fed1983]

Today I went to pick up the results, but I still can't get any peace of mind

I went to the hospital, went to the lab's reception desk, where they give you the results for all kind of tests they do there.

When I got there and showed my documents to the woman at the desk, she logged my info into her computer, and went out of the room, took a minute or two to come back (meanwhile I was dying wondering why she had left!!), she then came back, printed the results looking a bit confused, folded the piece of paper and gave it to me.

I walked away a few meters and read: 'HIV - Sent to Hygiene'.

No positive nor negative, just that reading on the piece of paper...

I was puzzled so I went back to her, and all she could say is that that (the Hygiene thing) is a department at the public health service, that I should go there or talk to my doctor. They specialize on HIV......

If I tested positive, the guidance or counseling they provide is awful! If it's negative, they're playing with me and making me suffer and get paranoid in vain... I'm assuming that the lab they work with only performs ELISA, and maybe I tested positive both times and they sent me here to do the western blott the check...

Anyway, I'm not optimistic at all, even though I'm mentally stronger now than what I was when I started the thread, I don't know why.

BTW, I'm dealing with this alone, since I don't want to get anybody paranoid and end up being (hopefully or miraculously) negative.

 

[RaKroma]

I totally can understand your fears and frustration. All I can say is try to stay as calm as you can while you go through this. (I know easier said than when going through the dreadful situation.) I don't know why this clinic is making this process so confusing for you. The incompetence is discouraging. Is there any way for you to find a new clinic that does HIV testing all the time? The shittiest public health clinic here was still very clear and helpful when discussing blood results. Why haven't you demanded for the doctor to speak to you about this "corroborate results" hassle? They still have to tell you whether your ELISA turned positive or not, they can't just let you hanging there assuming it did.

Since they sent you to another place for WesternBlot? then I guess it's just little more time before you'll get clear answers, hopefully!

 

[fed1983]

Since they sent you to another place for WesternBlot? then I guess it's just little more time before you'll get clear answers, hopefully!

This is what I assumed, but maybe I'm wrong and they have already performed western blot? Maybe they sent me here to give me the news and support... I really have no idea.

I didn't speak to the doctors either, because they didn't give me the results, it was the nurses (or admin staff??) at the desk... but in my state of confusion or fear I didn't feel strong enough to go and fight with them, or the doctors or any authorities. I assume they have more experience in dealing with common health problems such as diabetes, cholesterol, etc, than HIV!

I don't know what actions to take on Monday, whether to go back to the hospital to try and talk to a doctor, or go direct to this public health place.

 

[cocksucker4use]

This is seriously fucked up. Irregardless of the however badly the public health scheme of your county has (apparently) slipped, on some level, they are dedicated to serving their patients. I would hope you were speaking to a receptionist, and not a trained nurse. Whichever physician ordered your blood tests should go over all the results with you in private. He or she should be available to answer any questions you have. In the U.S., if you have an adverse test result of any kind, the doctor's office will call you back in for this purpose. When you get a chance, I would advise writing a letter of complaint to the district health officer for your region. This whole lack of mismanaged, unprofessional, insensitive handling of your personal information runs against public policy. That is to say, given your experience, who the fuck would ever get tested for HIV in your country?

However, in the short run, I would talk to your doctor, as the Department of Hygiene probably isn't very helpful. If it isn't too far, I would go to his office in person on Monday, and tell them you want to review your recent test results. If they make you get an appointment, so be it.

Bottom line: had you tested positive, someone surely would contact you, communicate this information and get you counselling and treatment.

 

[uslad7]

What country do you live in? Jesus Christ, I've never heard something like this.

Pure torture.

 

[Telstra]

I have read this thread afew days back.
Any update fed1983?

 

[fed1983]

Hey, thanks for worrying about the case.

First of all, the public health system is not to blame yet. The problem here has been the hospital which hasn't handled the results properly.

I just phoned a telephone line which answers queries about AIDS and HIV, and explained my case, and the woman at the phone was surprised by this as well.

Anyway, the only progress I made was to make an appointment with a doctor, but the appointment is for next Monday! Tomorrow I'll go personally to see if somebody can see me and talk to me there.

After reading a lot of information (I'm nearly an expert now, LOL), and after having hit the gym these days, I feel much better and relaxed, and despite the situation my mind has gone back to almost normal. I still have a little hope of being negative.

BTW, I read on the net (though you never know what to believe there) that some factors can contribute to false positives. One of them has hep B vaccination, which I have. The other was HPV virus, which I also have... Hope that's true and this was only a false alarm!

Thanks again for reading

 

[nafhoosier]

I still have a little hope of being negative.

A little?!

While I understand your anxiety, I think the testing services you used are stupidly just suggesting that you go to the doctor to get your results read.

Wherever I've been tested, the only people to read the results to me were doctors or licensed health professionals, no matter the results of the test.

I'm happy your a bit calmer.... but there's no reason still to assume that the result is positive.

 

[ben9651]

Any update from this thread???

 

[KaraBulut]

I didn't speak to the doctors either, because they didn't give me the results, it was the nurses (or admin staff??) at the desk... but in my state of confusion or fear I didn't feel strong enough to go and fight with them, or the doctors or any authorities. I assume they have more experience in dealing with common health problems such as diabetes, cholesterol, etc, than HIV!

Wherever I've been tested, the only people to read the results to me were doctors or licensed health professionals, no matter the results of the test.

To clarify-

The standard of care is to provide results to HIV tests in person. This is done for confidentiality reasons and also to assess whether the patient may need counseling services.

Some family physicians may give a negative result over the phone if you have given them permission to do so and if the provider has already given safer sex counseling beforehand.

If you get an HIV test done in a public health clinic, you should expect to get results in person and from a trained professional. A receptionist would not give you results- even in person.

 

[fed1983]

Last-minute update:

I've just come back from the doctor. I had an appointment for today so there I went. I told him my situation, showed him the results (the one saying 'Sent to Hygiene'), and he read my history.

He was also confused by the results, so he called the lab, where they explained the situation better.

So here's the story. My results did come back positive. The Elisa ones I guess. My blood sample was derived to this Hygiene Department, from the Public Health System, where they were going to perform a confirmatory and exhaustive exam (the doctor didn't mention Western Blot, though he did say PCR, but I don't know how aware he was of the exact steps).

So my blood sample is being examined over there, and the results were going to come back not earlier than Nov 10. So he gave me an authorization to make an appointment with an infectologist, who is going to have the results with him for when I go with him (as you all said it should be!).

So now I have made the appointment for Nov 15 (Tuesday) with him, and that'll be the moment when I learn if it was a false positive, or a positive.

So now the situation is clearer, and there's nothing I can do till then. But I still have to wait for two weeks to learn the truth. I started this thread on Oct 7!!! Too long a time for being anxious!

Anyway, as I said before, I'm much stronger now than I was before.

Thanks for your messages and for worrying about this case. I hope this all ends soon, I want to resume my normal life and my projects asap, whatever the result is.

 

[RaKroma]

I wish you luck. Hopefully the additional testing will show a false-positive. You sound like you're staying strong through this which is good.

 

[fed1983]

As I said before, today was the day for knowing the results. And the Western Blot came back NEGATIVE!!!!! Woo-hoo!! And all the expressions you can think of to celebrate!!!

I pictured this moment before (and also the other moment), and I thought that now I was going to be jumping of joy alone and shouting. But I feel that I don't want to overreact. My heart has been beating at a really high rate the hour prior to the results, and I felt really stressed out, so now I'm feeling the consequences and feel I need to rest and relax. My heart feels like tired from all that beating, and my stomach aches from all the stress suffered this morning.

To sum up, for those who didn't follow the story, my first two ELISA tests came back positive. Hence the stress. So I was only waiting for the confirmatory Western Blot results to arrive.

I woke up kind of relaxed, trying not to think much about this. The appointment was at 1.20, and I got up late on purpose, at about 11am. At 12 I had lunch, but with all the stress, I couldn't really eat much, so I only nibbled some food.

Then I set off to the hospital. That's when the real stress came, fortunately I bumped into a friend, and that was distracting. The journey on the bus was quick, but terrible, and when I finally arrived to the waiting room, it was unbearable. I was sighing and trying to relax, and my heart was beating at an incredible rate. I had my sunglasses ready for if I had to come out of the doctor's room crying.

So they called me in. The doctor asked me for the reason of my visit, so I started explaining the situation with a broken voice. I had to tell her that I was really nervous.

So then she opened the folder with my clinic history, where my results were going to be written, and there I saw the sheet of paper and I read the words 'Non-reactive' twice! (Maybe they performed two WB to really confirm the results) It was a slight relief, but the doctor hadn't said anything yet since she was still reading the results from top to bottom.

She was saying 'so you first tested positive on ELISA, I see...' and I was thinking, 'please say it!! I read non-reactive there so please say it!!'

Then she finally read the results and I now I was officially able to sigh and put a happy relieved expression on my face!

Later, after seeing me so happy, she started telling me off as if I was his son, saying that I should use condoms always, no matter how much I trusted the other person! Then I told her that she was right, but that even like that you can be unlucky, and told her about the time when my condom broke. She said that in that case I should use 2 condoms, just in case one breaks. But I disagreed with her, since I read that 2 condoms is even worse because of the friction. She said that it might be true, but if one breaks the other one is still there. I still don't agree with that, but it was her point.

So then I told her I loved her, she laughed and said she had nothing to do with this, she said that I was born again, so now I should always be responsible. I told her how happy she made me, and she said that she loved giving good news to people.

I had my sunglasses ready for the other scenario, but I still had to wear them cause a tear almost came out when leaving the hospital.

The approach that I took was of not telling anyone until I knew the definite results. I didn't tell my boyfriend, because I didn't want to stress him out and maybe in vain, as it was in this case. I'm happy I didn't tell him cause I protected him from all this stressful situation, though I'm still not convinced if it was a wise thing to do. Maybe he would have liked me to share the pain with him. Now I sent him a text saying that I love him. My plan is to tell him this story from beginning to end next time I see him (on Thursday). I hope he doesn't hate me for hiding this from him.

Sorry it's been another very long post. But I thought it's interesting for you all to know about the details, since my experience is very valuable for everyone. We always think that HIV won't happen to us, but even though it didn't happen to me, I know that it could have happened, and for a month I thought I was HIV+ (if you see, I started this thread back on 7th Oct!!!).

Anyway, my experience could have happened even if I was a virgin, because the test reacted to some other antibody (maybe my HepB antibodies?). But as we say in Spanish, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger.

So please everybody look after yourselves, I don't wish any of you to go through this, even if I was lucky and nothing happened. Even if you can react positive to the first test without being positive, you know that if you have had a responsible sexual behaviour, then you can relax knowing that it should've been a false positive, without suffering as much as I did.

Thanks for your support and your interest in this thread! You've been very helpful, and the only people with whom I shared all this dreadful experience. There are plenty of things I still wanna say, but I've written too much already!