sex and virginity - i feel like an outcast.

[GottaLookCasual]

I'm a 20 year old gay student from Scotland. I'm also still a virgin, and I can't help but feel peer pressure that I should have lost my virginity by now.

I only recently had my first ever relationship (and like first kiss) in January there which ended after a few months; not badly - we were just in 2 different places.. he was ready to settle and I'm still a little too independent for a boyfriend I think.

I don't know, I'm just very aware that amongst the people I know, I'm like one of the only virgins; definitely the only virgin of my gay friends. Don't get me wrong though, I intend to keep my virginity for the right guy - but I also feel like I shouldn't be a virgin at 20.

Its such a dilemna, any words of wisdom or comfort would be nice I guess to let me know I'm not all that much of a loser haha!

 

[Rolyo85]

The "right" guy for losing your virginity is nothing more than a guy you feel comfortable enough to be naked in bed with. Doesn't have to be a relationship, doesn't have to be someone you love with all your heart. In fact, those things add unnecessary pressure to your first time, instead of making it "special", as a lot of young guys think. Special sex comes after, once you actually know what you're doing and you're doing it with someone special. But don't wait for some magical "right" guy to make your first time unforgettable. It's gonna be that anyway, but it's also gonna be awkward and maybe painful.

With that said, gay guys still lose their virginity much later than straight ones. To be 20 and a virgin is pretty much still the norm, whatever your friends may say.

 

[checkinthingsout]

What Rolyo said. 1st time won't be that "special". It is going to be possibly awkward, possibly messy, possibly painful, and probably hot . But you will remember every minute of it only because it was your first time.

So if you feel like you are ready to have sex, find a guy you feel comfortable with and who isn't pushy and do it. It wont be the "right" guy, and it doesn't have to be.

P.S. It could be hot to find an American or someone from a different country who is doing a semester in Scotland and see what kind of fun you guys can get into . That will definitely be memorable!

 

[KaraBulut]

Well... you may need to define "virginity" since the concept of virginity with guys means different things to different people. And it's a little confusing if you dated someone for months yet still consider yourself a "virgin".

 

[hylas]

Our culture gives us two conflicting messages:
1) You should start being sexually active in your mid-teens, and
2) the first time is gonna be super duper extra special and you should "save it" for the love of your life.

Neither message is helpful at all. Try this:

Sex for the first time is going to be like doing anything for the first time: possibly wonderful, but also potentially awkward and embarassing and unsatisfying. Do it when it feels right for you, with someone whom you trust and who treats you well.

 

[eastofeden]

I have to generally agree with the guys above me. The "special guy" thing is a wonderful fairy tale and works well in romance novels but rarely translates well beyond that.

The "right guy" is you...don't let anyone else have that honor until they earn it and it will be well after you lose your virginity.

The "wait until I find the right guy scenario" is also putting alot of pressure on him...and you. Chances are....the first time will be not so good and you will have a lot of regrets that can do a lot of damage to your outlook on things. If you cease to make it a condition you will be much better prepared to deal with what *is* instead of what might have been.

Ultimately...it is smart to consider what other people say but DO listen to yourself in the end because if you feel strongly about it then maybe it is exactly what you need to do. It does happen occasionally where the two people who meet have that connection and lose their virginity together and live a happy life....but it is the exception rather than the rule.

 

[bankside]

I'm a 20 year old gay student from Scotland. I'm also still a virgin, and I can't help but feel peer pressure that I should have lost my virginity by now.

I only recently had my first ever relationship (and like first kiss) in January there which ended after a few months; not badly - we were just in 2 different places.. he was ready to settle and I'm still a little too independent for a boyfriend I think.

I don't know, I'm just very aware that amongst the people I know, I'm like one of the only virgins; definitely the only virgin of my gay friends. Don't get me wrong though, I intend to keep my virginity for the right guy - but I also feel like I shouldn't be a virgin at 20.

Its such a dilemna, any words of wisdom or comfort would be nice I guess to let me know I'm not all that much of a loser haha!

By the age of 21, I had touched a guy and made out with a couple of guys, but I figured out I wasn't going to have a relationship with either of them, and I put a stop to things because I didn't want to have sex with someone who was going to become a stranger, or an awkward acquaintance or whatever.

I didn't meet my guy until I was 24, and that's when my sex life really began. I'm still with him 16 years later. I don't regret it. Yeah we had to learn as we went, but that was fun. We still have a great sex life, and mostly I think what I missed out on are a bunch of regrets.

 

[Craiger]

Well... you may need to define "virginity" since the concept of virginity with guys means different things to different people. And it's a little confusing if you dated someone for months yet still consider yourself a "virgin".

I have to agree with KaraBulut. I have never understood why virginity's loss is based on only penetration. If that were the case there are multitudes of people, gay or straight, that are still virgins. Sex is when someone reaches an orgasm whether by oral, anal, or vaginal means in my opinion. Hopefully in a pleasurable manner. If the loss of your virginity is based on strictly anal penetration and you worry that peer pressure is mounting, then I would recommend as others have said and submit to someone that is gentle and caring for your first attempt. However, if you have had oral sex with your past relationship I certainly would not consider you a virgin and that is not a bad thing.

Craiger

 

[Seasoned]

We banter the word virgin about these days so it means nothing close to the originally meaning, vaginal penetration. Now there's everything from sushi virgins to nude beach virgins and it's come to mean first time. Sexually it now means whatever you want it to mean, hence the confusion between speaker and listener

Using myself and others as as example I believe that many people who say they are "saving themselves" are really afraid. For most people, sex is a need. Some people treat it casually while others don't. That's an individual bent or decision. Neither is right nor wrong.

Unless both people in a relationship are inexperienced, one will probably be more experienced than the other. Again, that can be a negative or positive thing, but that will probably be the next thing you'll worry about.

I'd advise you not to worry about saving it. It's ok if you do, but it's also ok to explore when you're feeling safe and comfortable. Sometimes it's just pure horniness or some nice guy's persistence that takes us over the edge. In any case remember to do what you want to do and don't do what you don't want to do. Best wishes b

 

[billybob109]

Personally i wish i waited for the "right" guy but it and still does not seem like i would of found the right one yet years later. Personally I would get it it over with unless you have a religion/belief that prevents that. But do not feel pressured because all of your friends are not virgins let that fact go. Go out there have some fun will be the night of your life!

 

[TX-Beau]

I don't get people who want to wait usually. I like sex, I like lots of it with lots of variety. It's been "magical" at times with certain guys (there is no sole "ONE" guy out there for you, there are a bunch of guys with whom you are compatible) it's been fun with others, comfortable, hot, sleazy, it's different with different guys, so long as you have a care for safety, I don't see why sex must be viewed as something to hide in your box (grin) for one and only, and only the one.

Actually I do know where we get this virgin crap - MEN needed to indoctrinate WOMEN that promiscuity was evil, which had nothing to do with truth, and everything to do with property.

The supposed mysticism of the virgin originated in making sure no one else's cock was in your personal twat.