Sex, dating shows and confusion.

[DieselbOY]

I've finally told my boyfriend the truth about my feelings about his past. I have serious issues about him being with other guys before me; I am his first boyfriend and he is mine, I was a virgin when we met I know that he is with me now and his past is his past...... blah blah, but I cannot get over the fact that other guys have had from my boyfriend what nobody else has had from me except him. I don't know what to do, in his anger he told me I must get "fucked" by a few guys when I go home for a little vacation(I told him I want to sleep with other guys), but that just seems mean to him, to have him sit at home and think that I may be fucking another guy. Oh and to top it off he has been on two dating shows, with I fucking hate!!! I don't have much of a dating history so I don't really know what else is out there, but I don't want to let him go.
I'm late for work, please give me some advice, I'm going to make us a nice meal tonight so that we can sit down and talk about it.

 

[Just_Believe18]

You have jealousies over your boyfriend's past?

These feelings of resentment are dysfunctional, but temporary. You need to accept that all of us have a sexual past. If you're going to be hung up over every guy you meet's dating history, you're going to be single for the rest of your life.

You should be glad that your boyfriend is with you, and that he cares and wants to be with you. Live in the present, and plan for the future. The past, especially one that is not yours, is irrelevant.

 

[Rolyo85]

I am sorry, are you by any chance thirteen years old? Are you seriously having an actual issue with the fact that your boyfriend wasn't born the day before he met you, and you did not open the door to the magical land of sex for him?

I don't mean to be a douchenozzle, but I just can't contain myself. You have someone you obviously care about, and who obviously cares about you, and you are actively fucking it up because of insecurity. So what if he has had other people before you? You have not only no right, but also absolutely no reason to even remotely care about it. And yes, wanting to fuck around when you haven't established together that you are in an open relationship isn't just mean, it's also destructive.

Five G's - Good God, Get a Grip, Gurl! You are ruining your relationship for the stupidest of reasons - unfounded insecurity. Get over it, and either forget about having sex with others, or find a way to frame it in a mature discussion. Which - no offense - but ask someone how to do it because you don't seem very mature at the moment...

 

[HunterM]

Here's another option to deal with your jealousy. Break it up with him. Then only date virgins. But would other virgins want to date you knowing you had one boyfriend in the past? Think about this logic. Is this what you want?

If you cannot get past your boyfriend's past, seek professional counseling to help you deal with your insecurity.

 

[Seasoned]

Are you sure you're not resentful because he's had a past and you have not? In any relationship, one person is likely to have had more experience than the other. It seems to me he has more to worry about than you. He knows what it's like to have been with other guys and yet has chosen to be with you. You fell into your relationship without knowing what else is out there.

How do you get over this? Spend some time reassuring yourself that after having other guys he's content being faithful to you. Role play with him. You can be the experienced one and he can be the neophyte. Find things to do that he hasn't done with anyone else.

Driving yourself nuts could lead to you loosing the relationship.

 

[Scealle]

You shouldn't be too bothered by his past. It has already happened. What matters now is the present and the future that you two would have together.

 

[DieselbOY]

Ok, I know I’m being immature about it and stupid etc, but I am angry at myself for believing in saving “it” for someone special instead of giving it to the first guy that showed interest, I deprived myself from these experiences before I started this relationship, if I had a similar history then I probably wouldn’t feel this way. This feels horrible and I hate how depressed he seems.
I do feel much better about telling him my true feelings. I do everything for him, we have an apartment together, we go on overseas trips every few months, and we have a really good life together. I’m scared of life without him. I don’t know I’m so confused, maybe this thread was just made for venting; I know I just need to deal with it.

 

[jaysizzles]

Venting here is ok...self sabotaging a good relationship is not. It seems like the only thing that is preventing you from being comfortable and enjoying the good thing that you seemingly have, is you. If you continue this behavior, you'll certainly drive a wedge between the two of you and ultimately drive him away...all for what? Your insecurities?! Stop it now. Enjoy and focus on what you have now and build your future...leave his past to him. Everyone has one, and those experiences makes us who we are today...and that is the person that you fell in love with.

 

[DieselbOY]

Thanks for the advice guys, my head was making my man's past out to be worse than what it was. We spoke, I cried and let my emotions out(Which felt really good). We have resolved thing's, he say's I am the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with even after the episode I just realized what I already knew and that is that I really have a good man.

 

[Just_Believe18]

^ I'm glad to hear you are feeling much better. As I said, these feelings are dysfunctional but only temporary. Once you get over how silly they are, you'll be a much happier person.