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Sex drive

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rmfnb24

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Hey everyone
I've been with my fiancé for almost 5 years now. And I am looking for some advice. We both see that our sex drive is dropping a bit. It has nothing to do with not loving each either or problems with our relationship. I am just wondering if anyone has had the same thing happen to them?
 
It happens, but if talked about can be changed or remedied. Sex manuals such as The Joy of Gay Sex can be a starting point as can be role play, getaways together, etc. Make sure you talk about it and don't be complacent. That's when cheating begins to look attractive.
 
Would you humor me and describe a typical day in your life together?
 
We are both 25, we've been together for 5 years almost
 
rmfnb24 said:
...We both see that our sex drive is dropping a bit.
Click to expand...

Define "a bit".

Is the issue that your sex drive is dropping or is it an issue that you're just having sex less often?
 
I asked him about it he said he just doesn't have the urge to have sex. He doesn't jerk off solo either (I don't either)
 
rmfnb24 said:
I asked him about it he said he just doesn't have the urge to have sex. He doesn't jerk off solo either (I don't either)
Click to expand...

It's not uncommon for libido and frequency of sex to drop off starting in the mid-20s. This is often because people in their mid-20s begin to have stable relationships and stable jobs. It's a lot easier to find time for sex when you aren't working long hours and when you don't have bills to pay.

However, having sex and wanting to have sex are different things. The interest in sex and the desire to have sex shouldn't drop off as quickly as the frequency.

You'll hear guys in your age group who are in long-term relationships say, "We don't have sex as often as we used to!". When you dig deeper that may mean, "We're not fucking every chance we get. Sometimes it's just a couple times a week or on weekends". For most couples who have jobs and busy schedules, a couple times a week is not unusual- it's probably closer to the norm.

Really, the question is "Are you both happy with the frequency and the quality?".

If you're not happy, then you might start by seeing your doctor for a physical- particularly checking hormone levels. If you're not working out and taking care of yourselves- you might want to refocus a bit, get back into a regular gym schedule and make sure that you get enough sleep, etc.

And you might give some thought to whether it's just about the sex... It's also important that couples make time for each other- whether that's time just talking, cuddling on the couch, snuggling in the morning or fucking like rabbits: each is important.
 
sixthson said:
Would you humor me and describe a typical day in your life together?
Click to expand...

First of all, I have never quoted myself before. It feels narcissistic. :D

Secondly, there is a reason I asked about your typical day.
Personally, I believe when most people are having trouble in bed, the problem actually comes from another part of their lives.
This doesn't mean you are feuding with each other, necessarily, but that could be one explanation.
I was thinking more along the lines of boredom, in your case.
Routine is part of everyone's life, but if you are not careful, it can be deadly to passion.
For example, if you get up every morning, have breakfast, go to work for 8 or 9 hours, come home and make dinner and eat it in front of the television, where you vegetate until bedtime at 11, with very little genuine intimacy between you, why would your sex drive suddenly kick in when you go to bed? The best sex start long before the bedroom. There needs to be time where just the two of you are focused on each other with tenderness, playfulness and interest. When sex becomes mechanical, like every Wednesday and Saturday, it becomes routine and boring. Have you tried jumping in the shower with him? How about walking around in some new, sexy underwear? Have you tried talking to him about what turns you on and be sure to do it before you go to bed? Do you tell each other how important you are to one another? Do you speak words of love in a genuine way, not just do it when you want in his pant?

There are lots of things that you need to consider and they all start with open, honest communication. He can't just say he doesn't have the urge and drop it at that.

BTW, just because he doesn't jerk off, doesn't mean you shouldn't. Why don't you? Sit down next to him with your laptop, turn on some porn and whip out your dick and jerk off in front of him. If he doesn't respond to your sexuality, then you might want to consider burying him because he is likely dead, you guys are only 25, afterall.

Keep us informed.
 
There could be some underlying issues you might want to have checked out. I suggest discussing this with your GP or primary care doctor. Issues with you thyroid and pituitary gland can have adverse affects of libido. The pituitary gland also controls your testosterone and even the testicles themselves. If anything is out of whack, this can cause everything to go tilt.

http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/loss-of-libido-in-men?page=2

So before you hit the bottle of Cialis or Viagra, you might want to have this checked out.
 
Our relationship isn't suffering at all, funny thing is we've been engaged since 2012, and he has brought up that we should just do it. Our families think we will have this big wedding since my guy works in event management. And he says maybe we should just go to the court house one day and just do it lol. Sexually, it's a hit and miss sometimes we can do stuff daily other times it could be a few days. Yesterday was the first time in a week or so. I came enough that I think I lost 10 lb haha
 
rmfnb24 said:
...Yesterday was the first time in a week or so. I came enough that I think I lost 10 lb haha
Click to expand...

It comes down to the earlier question: is the issue that it's less frequent or is the issue that the sex isn't as good as it used to be?

Or are you wanting reassurance that you're a normal couple with a normal sex life?
 
rmfnb24 said:
Our relationship isn't suffering at all, funny thing is we've been engaged since 2012, and he has brought up that we should just do it. Our families think we will have this big wedding since my guy works in event management. And he says maybe we should just go to the court house one day and just do it lol. Sexually, it's a hit and miss sometimes we can do stuff daily other times it could be a few days. Yesterday was the first time in a week or so. I came enough that I think I lost 10 lb haha
Click to expand...

This sounds exactly like what KaraBulut was describing. from age 20-25, you guys have gotten jobs and responsibilities, so there is less time for sporadic sex. But even so, you seem average to me for couples our age. Nothing wrong with planning a sex schedule though if you think it is really a problem, but from what you have posted, it doesn't sound like that at all.
 
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