Sex life over before it's even begun? Depressed and need help.

[ant811]

I'm 23 and I've never had full intercourse with another guy (or girl, for that matter). When I was 15, I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, and I had 2 surgeries at the age of 16 to remove the majority of my colon (I do go to the bathroom "normally").

Although I've never had sex, I always imagined myself as being a bottom (slightly versatile, but a bottom for the most part). It's what turned me on the most whenever I thought of being intimate with another guy.

Well a few months ago, I found out from my surgeon that I am not able to have receptive anal sex, due to the surgeries I had (it could be potentially dangerous to me and my partner).

Since finding this out, I've fallen into an even greater depression because I feel "sexually disabled". I know I can be a top, but the thought of it just doesn't turn me on as much...I've even started to think to myself "if I can only be a top, I might as well just have sex with women, right?" and have found myself being slightly more attracted to women than usual lately...but growing up, I always knew I was attracted to the same sex.

Anyway, I really don't know how to cope with this. I feel paralyzed, and there is nothing I can do about it. I feel like I'll never be able to accept this, and I'll end up being alone forever. I've even had suicidal thoughts because I feel like I'll never fully experience a real sex life/intimacy with someone. Basically, I feel like a freak and no one will understand my situation.

How do I deal with this?

 

[KaraBulut]

First, you should get a second opinion. It is possible that the type of partial colectomy procedure that you had did result in a medical reason why you cannot have receptive anal sex. However, not all surgeons are as knowledgeable about anal sex, so it would be worth getting a second opinion. And this time, ask for a more detailed explanation about why.

Something to keep in mind is that there are lots of gay couples who do not have anal sex. It's not something that every gay person enjoys or even has an interest in, so if you are not able to bottom, it may not be as limiting to your sex life as you may think.

 

[journo25]

First, you should get a second opinion. It is possible that the type of partial colectomy procedure that you had did result in a medical reason why you cannot have receptive anal sex. However, not all surgeons are as knowledgeable about anal sex, so it would be worth getting a second opinion. And this time, ask for a more detailed explanation about why.

Something to keep in mind is that there are lots of gay couples who do not have anal sex. It's not something that every gay person enjoys or even has an interest in, so if you are not able to bottom, it may not be as limiting to your sex life as you may think.

Excellent advice. You might even try going online to find a gay physician who can answer your questions in a forthright, non-judgmental manner. I was once "assigned" a doctor in my network/geographical area who was ultra conservative and visibly uncomfortable having to address issues surrounding anal sex. An empathetic doctor can be a huge help.

But there is so much on the main menu besides anal. Explore and have fun.

 

[brokegayguy]

First, +1 on getting a second opinion. There are MANY shitty doctors out there, more than you want to know. That's not to say your current doctor sucks, but he's by no means an authority because he wears a white jacket. Find another one just to be sure.

Second, you're contemplating suicide because you can't perform ONE sexual act. Dude, I don't mean to be insensitive but...seriously? Trust me, you can work this out. And don't be so focused on sex, people really do put it on a pedestal (which is why you probably shouldn't be around a forum like this ).

Good luck.

 

[Benvolio]

You also should consider frontage which can be similar to anal bottoming. Beyond that, do experiment with other forms. Oral, topping, cuddling, etc. You are young and can have a lot of fun without anal.

 

[RaKroma]

Being sexually active does mean you are confined to physical intercourse to experience pleasure and intimacy. There are many ways to experience that without being penetrated. You will be surprised how many guys out there don't have frequent intercourse with hookups or even when in long term relationships but still have a happy sex life. I personally don't have regular anal sex and find many other ways to become intimate with guys sexually. You should slow down on your negative thinking. Go out there and experience stuff before you start believing that your life is over if you can't bottom.

 

[vulgar_newcomer]

Good advice was given already. Questioning your sexuality though in regards to woman and men seems like a bigger issue. Maybe you should seek some professional guidance to help clear things up. If I could never have sex again and lived another 50 yrs I would still be gay. Also as a top I haven't bottomed in a few yrs and it won't break my heart if I never do again. We are all different.
The good side is of course you may only be able to top as you put it, but at least the thing still works! Imagine being in a wheel chair or something at 23 or 43 even and the dick is dead.

 

[Diodorus]

Funny but that kind of stuff doesn't even occur to me. And I certainly don't discount how it is for you. Just hope someone else's viewpoint might let you see other views.

I'm a very frontal person, myself. Frottage, which I guess is it's genre, is guys that love to rub their cocks together, jerk their cocks together. I started fooling around at a fairly young age, about 10. Had an older cousin that helped with that. And yes, had no idea what I was doing but knew it felt great and always loved to get naked and "rub dicks".

My 2 cents worth. Relax and enjoy life. I know you will get some good advice here.