Sexual Relationship with older Uncle

[MEGATOP]

My father's brother, 17 years older and married started fooling all the way back since I was in high school. Only people I suspect knows about us could be a friend of his. At times, he tends to be sexually controlling and somewhat possessive. I also have a boyfriend for some time now. He is an expert bottom with delicious ass as I am a top except with my uncle. What makes this situation more complicated is that I find the sex with him thrilling at times. There are times that I lie to myself being attracted to him. Christmas Eve, he insisted fucking at same time family was downstairs and we almost got caught. I worry about what would happen if my folks, my boyfriend and his wife found out. I also suspect he also has strong feelings about us. My gut tells me to end this. Cannot confide in anyone as this is taking its toll. Is it possible for people to feel this way about their own family?

 

[KaraBulut]

Your question, "Is it possible for people to feel this way about their own family?" is not the question that one would expect from this situation. To answer that question, "Yes, anything is possible."

I worry about what would happen if my folks, my boyfriend and his wife found out. I also suspect he also has strong feelings about us. My gut tells me to end this.

If you were to describe this relationship without mentioning that it was a married close relative, the advice would be to consider the conditions- that it seems that you're being manipulated and being put into risky situations. It's not a "relationship", it's one person who is using sex to control someone and put them in situations where they are being controlled and coerced to do things they wouldn't otherwise do.

Looking at the full picture:

• He's your uncle.
• This started when you were likely underage and not experienced enough to understand the consequences.
• He's married to a woman and you're with a partner of your own.
• The discovery of this relationship will blow up multiple relationships in your family and cause lasting harm to those relationships.

If you cannot end this permanently and avoid being alone with this uncle, then you need to talk with a professional therapist who works with codependency and incest issues. A therapist can help you see the big picture and help you break this unhealthy pattern before it's too late.

 

[MusicMan321]

From the looks of what you said it sounds like you have feelings for your uncle even though he's married and yes you wouldn't want anyone in the family to know about this not even his wife if you can keep it on the dl see how it goes

 

[TX-Beau]

It's bad advice to tell you to continue this in any way. This is a toxic situation. it's never OK to fuck the husband of someone else, that's hurting her and you are responsible for your part in that. You say this started with sexual abuse - and yes that's what you describe, and like a lot of abuse victims, you aren't capable on ending it no matter who it's going to end up hurting. See a professional, that's your best option.

 

[USEDCAR]

I would distance my self from him and block his number and any social media. If you try to talk to him in person about it its going to lead to sex.


You having sex with him is not fair for his wife or your boyfriend and God forbid if the family finds out its going to be some ugly drama.

 

[cabinfever]

It's bad advice to tell you to continue this in any way. This is a toxic situation. it's never OK to fuck the husband of someone else, that's hurting her and you are responsible for your part in that. You say this started with sexual abuse - and yes that's what you describe, and like a lot of abuse victims, you aren't capable on ending it no matter who it's going to end up hurting. See a professional, that's your best option.

^This is good advice.

If I were in your shoes I would put it on the table with your boyfriend. If you do - you might lose him. If you don't - you might lose yourself.

The truth will set you free - but it might cost you. The deception will end of being a prison you built for yourself. You have to decide which is the better option.

 

[ShadowCat]

Well update what did you do?

 

[MEGATOP]

I would like express my sincere appreciation to those who submitted their thoughts as I re-read each response several times. After posting this, I have become more conscious with feelings of shame.

I must admit that I cannot help being more and more attracted to him over time. When I have sex with my lover, there are parts of me that wants to be with him. What is making this situation more tenuous, he begged to cum inside me when we fuck lately. I have a suspicion that he bragged about this to a few friends of his. I'm so conflicted because part of me wants them to then expose him. I'm thinking about talking with a professional but I have some trust issues.

 

[ShadowCat]

You should have no trust issues seeing a therapist they are bound by HIPAA (ie Dr/Patient confidentiality) which prohibits them from sharing details of any patient! So from the sound of it you're still fucking your uncle?

 

[KaraBulut]

...I'm so conflicted because part of me wants them to then expose him. I'm thinking about talking with a professional but I have some trust issues.

Most of what you have said sounds very much like the conflicted feelings that many incest survivors speak about- the blurring of the lines between love and sex and the subsequent problems of being able to trust.