sexuality in college

[bhandsome]

I'm a 19 year-old male college student and for about 4 years I have been trying to figure out my sexuality. Some back history about myself is that I have never had any type of sex with any male or female. I jo to porn to gay and straight, but mostly gay, and I have my times when I'm feel like jo to straight, but it depends; I have been watching gay porn more over the years and I believe that's where I started becoming curious about men. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend and I that's probably why I'm so confused about my sexuality because I haven't experiemented or know what it's like.

What I'm trying to figure out is it normal to get sexually aroused by men often and for instance when I dance (grind) with a girl, I don't get hard, I'm limp. Just the mere mention of sexually joking around with my male friends gets me semi hard, and it worries me. I'm attracted to girls and I have no interest or thought of being involed with a dude. I got an offer from a couple dudes to mess around with oral sex, but its when I'm horny and all for it; after I jo, I'm not even interested anymore and I feel guilty for even thinking about doing anything with a dude. I want to just have sex with a guy and a girl and just figure it out from there, it's killing me how I'm not getting any in college, but yet I'm conservative with a personal philosophy of whatever happens, happens. I don't feel or think I'm gay, but idk....

So what do you guys think?

 

[hotb0d]

I think you already figured out your plan, you just need to grow some balls and resolve yourself. I have a friend that was in the similar as yours. He was attracted to the guys but considered himself straight because he had a crush for a girl for 3 years. He finally decided to figure himself out once and for all so he got together with a guy. He found his answer after that.

You should probably try out both guys and girls and see where you stand.

 

[jude swings]

you need to have sex with both and more than once to actually figure out what you are. it's like you won't know if you like indian or thai food unless you try it.

 

[bhandsome]

yeah it sounds easy enough, but as hotb0d said, I need to grow some balls and stop worrying.

 

[TX-Beau]

I'm a 19 year-old male college student and for about 4 years I have been trying to figure out my sexuality. Some back history about myself is that I have never had any type of sex with any male or female. I jo to porn to gay and straight, but mostly gay, and I have my times when I'm feel like jo to straight, but it depends; I have been watching gay porn more over the years and I believe that's where I started becoming curious about men. I have never had a girlfriend or boyfriend and I that's probably why I'm so confused about my sexuality because I haven't experiemented or know what it's like.

What I'm trying to figure out is it normal to get sexually aroused by men often and for instance when I dance (grind) with a girl, I don't get hard, I'm limp. Just the mere mention of sexually joking around with my male friends gets me semi hard, and it worries me. I'm attracted to girls and I have no interest or thought of being involed with a dude. I got an offer from a couple dudes to mess around with oral sex, but its when I'm horny and all for it; after I jo, I'm not even interested anymore and I feel guilty for even thinking about doing anything with a dude. I want to just have sex with a guy and a girl and just figure it out from there, it's killing me how I'm not getting any in college, but yet I'm conservative with a personal philosophy of whatever happens, happens. I don't feel or think I'm gay, but idk....

So what do you guys think?

Emphasis mine.

There's your answer.

My opinion, you're gay, but you don't want to be, so you're trying to justify it by saying "but I only really want to date women." You're not alone. lots of gay men have used this. You won't even be happy with the experimentation until you can say to yourself that there's nothing wrong with having sex with a man. Until you believe that, no matter how many guys you have sex with, the guilt and the justifications will always be there.

 

[IllgetyouHackman]

Gotta agree with Beau here, and I don't think you have to have sex with a man to know you are attracted to them. I'm gay, still a virgin, and I KNOW that men turn me on and women DON'T. It is you that needs to come to your own self realization, whether, gay, straight or bi.

 

[KaraBulut]

Just based upon the information that you've given, the answer is pretty clear.

The question is, "What's the next step here?".

Are you ready to accept the possibility that you have a preference for guys?

 

[islgb12]

I know EXACTLY how you feel. How you ask? Because that post right there, is me not so long ago. I'm not really one for pushing you out of the closet or saying "WHY AREN'T YOU OUT?!" Everyone does it on their own time, and that's how it should be, BUT I'm going to go ahead and say your gay.

I've been through this exact thing. Because of society and the way we (I'm going to assume you as well as me) were raised we associate "gay" with "wrong". It's not wrong. It's part of life and these are the cards we've been dealt. We are all sexually attracted to men. The end. Once you come to terms with everything it will all be much better. No more guilt. Happiness.

However, I'm not 100% this applies to you. I'm assuming so much because what you wrote is the exact way I felt. Good luck and best wishes for you though. Feel free to message me if you ever need to.

 

[bhandsome]

i'm not surprised you guys think i'm gay. i personally don't have a problem with being gay because I have lots of friends who would accept me for who i am.

like stated by islgb12, society makes it hard for me to accept whatever i may be, whether bi or gay. just the thought of all the negativty i would face from those religious and all for man and woman relationships bothers me. it's always in the back of my mind.

i feel that if i decided i was gay/bi, i would be closeted just because i fear of what would be said, but thats a journey i have to figure out on my own.

 

[spencer]

Unfortunately for you, straight men aren't sexually attracted to other men.

i feel that if i decided i was gay/bi

You would like for it to be a choice, but again unfortunately it isn't. your mind is already telling you who you're sexually attracted to.

for instance when I dance (grind) with a girl, I don't get hard, I'm limp. Just the mere mention of sexually joking around with my male friends gets me semi hard

No straight or even bisexual man isn't aroused by the thought of girls or physical contact with girls. How are you supposed to have sex if you can't get it up?

I have been watching gay porn more over the years and I believe that's where I started becoming curious about men.

I think you have it backwards. You're sexually attracted to men so you looked for and watch gay porn.

You can choose to live your life anyway you like. But you can't choose to turn off or on what you're sexually attracted to. I guess you could condition yourself, but you really should find peace with who you are instead.

 

[xdudex123]

I was (am) in the same boat man. I've wondered and figured that one day I'd for sure know the answer...what I've come up with the past couple of years is : you like who you like. Male. Female. It doesn't matter its about the person not the genatalia. Mess around with a dude, its pretty hot. lol

 

[blahster]

Man...I was in the same position you are when I was a sophomore in college (4 years ago) and I still remember that guilt/sudden lack of interest when I finished j/o-ing to gay porn. I too had no experience with either guys or girls and resolved not to label myself as anything until I had that experience. So I spent the following two years dating girls, going to strip clubs and getting lapdances, and avoiding gay porn...I think at one point I even tried to pray (being the religious catholic I was) the gay away. I realized a couple of things...trying to pray the gay away didn't work (obviously), lap dances--even from chicks in kinky schoolgirl getups and those who had big ol' titties--weren't my thing, and relationships with girls will only go so far if there's no real attraction--and not just in the sexual sense, but on that deeper emotional level. My senior year of college I finally came out to myself and called myself gay. I think the moment I did that, my outlook on life changed and I was an overall happier person. There was no guilt after watching gay porn and doing my business; no more intense feelings of shame when I looked at some hot guy in my lecture hall and thought to myself, "i'd like to f' his ass"---just a general sense that it was okay to be gay. I eventually came out to my roommates and then to my friends. And earlier this year, to my parents and brother. The reaction wasn't always pretty but in the end of the day your true friends won't really take issue with it and your family will always love you. With regards to religion, I'm still in the process of reconciling what it means to be gay and catholic but I've come to the conclusion that God is love and that you shouldn't be penalized (in the afterlife that is) for something that is so innate to your being---your sexuality is as much a part of you as your handedness, eye color, etc... and there isn't really much you can change about it.

I guess the overall takeaway from this written diarrhea is to not be afraid to experiment--try new things and keep an open mind...that's what college is all about. If you end up liking apples go with it...and if you end up liking bananas, go with that...just don't be afraid to like what you truly like. In the end of the day it's your own life that you live and if anybody gets in your way of enjoying your life to its fullest, fuck 'em.

 

[bhandsome]

reading everybody's outlook on my situation is very comforting.

i'm just scared really, idk whether it would be better for me to keep my feelings for guys to myself or tell my closes friends and family...

it may seem easy to just go out and fuck a dude or girl, but it's more than that to me, not that easy mentally to accomplish.

it's even harder when i have my friends constantly asking me when im gonna fuck a girl, get laid etc. and idk what the hell i want to pursue! it's frustrating as hell!

 

[Audio Tech]

I tried my whole life to convince myself of something I was not. Yes, I could also jack off to straight porn. I find some girls attractive, I mean a beautiful body is just that... beautiful.
But I knew deep down I'd never put my Dick in it.

Much too late in life I FINALLY admitted to myself and my family how I really felt. Read my first post, "My Story". I was scared to death. But once I just did it, life started to get better overnight. I feel totally different now, and for the first time ever.... Happy!

Everyone does this in their own time. So will you. The real question isn't what others think about you, but how long you want to keep torturing YOURSELF.

I wish you the best, really. It take a lot of balls to be yourself.

 

[Kyanimal]

Religion? Gay? Try being a Preacher's Kid like Me!!

I knew I was Gay from the time I was 11, or so. But, I did what was expected of me, and dated Girls. And, other than the "usual" exploration, and "messing around", I didn't have actual SEX with Anyone until I was in college, away from Home, and my family's nosy Public!

The first person I had SEX with (oral only), was a Guy, my freshman year in college. The first Girl I had SEX with happened a year later. And, up until my very late 20's, I was more "lucky" with Girls than I was with Guys! (Nearly married 5, or 6 Girls. And, NO!, not at the same time. But, I always "backed off" because I "KNEW"!) And, yeah, there were several Guys in there, too, but very much on the DL.

I guess I was lucky in that I was fascinated by, and enjoyed, SEX, period! I will never regret my experiences with both genders!

But, when I turned 30, I FINALLY admitted, to myself, that I was DEFINITELY Gay! Two years later, I met "My" Kev. That was 27yr. ago! And, we're still together! (And, I think my family likes Him better than they do Me!)

LIFE can take so many turns. It's also exceedingly Short! It is a Journey of Exploration and Discovery. Toss the labels! Do whatever YOU feel like doing! Take advantage of every opportunity that might come your way, and that you might be interested in. LIVE and LEARN!

And, of course, no matter what ...

Keep smilin'!!
Chaz

 

[G-Lexington]

>>>I want to just have sex with a guy and a girl and just figure it out from there.

Well, there it is. If you want to go that route, I'd suggest the online hook-up route. I know you said you're "conservative", but I hope that doesn't mean you're planning on dating a girl, "being a gentleman" and taking your time getting in her pants...only to say "Hm - guess I'm gay. Thanks for your help!" It's definitely more honorable to just go online and say "I'm not sure if I'm gay or straight. Looking for a woman to have sex with to help me figure it out."

Lex

 

[bhandsome]

now im feeling a little more comfortable with throwing the labels away for now and experiment.

idk when or how i will admit to whatever i am and feel comfortable with my decision, but as alot of you guys said i hope it's before i reach the age of 30....WAY before.

its funny i question if i really am gay when all i listen to is r&b, mainly beyonce, lady gaga, and rihanna...lol i love women whether i'm gay or str8 plus i'm really into fashion. not saying that this determines anything but i have always found it funny..especially when society stereotypes the type of music str8 men should only listen too

 

[TX-Beau]

...lady gaga, and rihanna...i have always found it funny..especially when society stereotypes the type of music str8 men should only listen too

(Emphasis mine)




Yeah, not so much there.

 

[bhandsome]

(Emphasis mine)




Yeah, not so much there.

lol most str8 men dont listen to that type of music

 

[TX-Beau]

lol most str8 men dont listen to that type of music

Well I knew that, but then you seemed to be saying they do.