sexuality is so fascinating

[EJMichaels]

Welcome to JUB. You'll find many here who agree with you, as well as some that will make a strong case against a more fluid view of sexuality. I made a "bisexuals & labels" folder in my subscribed threads to keep track of all those discussions.

 

[conrad]

Unfortunately, in our society most men do not allow themselves such thoughts. The lucky guy is the one who has allowed himself to think freely.

Friend, you will be fortunate if you discover in real time that there are men who are loving and lovable. And, should it happen that you bond in deep friendship with one such man you may discover too that sometimes two in the bonds of deep friendship and love will feel the need to express their affection for one another in a sexual manner. I am glad I let that happen for me.

All friendships do not have a sexual element; but, that does not mean they are less valuable. and enriching. I have always been grateful for all friendships and, in the case of three wonderful men I found that I was enchanted to be in sexual partnership also.

I do not think of myself as a vain man, but I do confess that it boosts my self image to know that there are two married men who have the hots for me as I have had the hots for them for many years also. We understand each other and are supportive of each other and of the relationships which are important to all involved.

The number of possible sexual partners in this world for each of us is very large. But, much as we may be attracted to sex for the thrill of the moment our society encourages us to make choices and enter into commitments. Fortunately, we have minds to keep our persistent sexual urges in tow. We honor our commitments and the promises we have made. Yes, I miss m2m sex, but I have never wanted or needed to forget my promises to my marriage partner (58 ytears). We make choices and we keep our promises.

You are right , good friend, human sexuality is a thing which has an abundance of beauty and enough mystery to keep us all in awe. As a man in his late eighties I have experienced my share in a very happy journey into the fullness of my sexuality. I have had just firve sexual parnters (three males and two females) before I married , qll in long-term committed relaitonships, and of my former partners I can say that I loved them before we ever had sex and I love them still.

I don't presume to advise anyone, but I do have a lot of thoughts-in-seeking- better- insight. You seem to be the kind of fellow Whose further thoughts I would welcome.

 

[hylas]

good for you! have fun exploring!
and how does japan fit into this?

 

[bankside]

I think that more people should feel free to (carefully, moderately) enjoy their sexuality and the sexuality of others without having that one experience define or limit their future possibilities: we often think of "gay" as the opposite of "straight," and that to become gay is to turn your back on being straight. I think the reality is more subtle.

Maybe your awareness of male sexuality is something you've always had the capacity to explore, even if it hasn't entered your awareness. And maybe now you will feel free to, even if you have not ventured in the direction of other men before. It wouldn't take away anything from the life you've lived, what you know about heterosexuality, or the relationship that you saw through to the time of your wife's passing.

In fact I wonder if this seems like a way of honouring her memory: that part of your sexuality is something you enjoyed with her - it was yours to share and hers to know. Maybe you don't need to revisit that ground even if you should happen to meet an interested woman. A new adventure, with a man if that interests you, would allow you to explore your sexuality in a way that is unique to that relationship instead of seeming somewhat like the echo of another. Of course no two people are alike, and any new relationship will necessarily be different, regardless of gender, and standing on its own ground. Either way it is yours to enjoy. But sometimes a change is meaningful, and necessary, and refreshing, and leads a person to experience new horizons.

Welcome to JUB!

 

[Telstra]

Interesting read nipponeseman and yes you are right.
Thanks for sharing.

 

[Telstra]

a naughty question from you guys above if you don't mind answering.
Do you guys still able to cum in your 60s, 70s, 80s and 90s ...

 

[EJMichaels]

In case anyone is interested, here are some threads I have followed. These aren't recommendations (well, some are) - just threads on the topic of orientation and/or labels. Some appeared in forums that aren't "no-flame" zones, so you might find more heated debates. The person starting the thread is indicated. The first two are from a psychiatrist who is doing very interesting studies on the topic.

12 Sexual Types
Flexuality
Flexuality Test
Flexuality

The rest are listed in order of newest to oldest:

I do not believe in sexual orientation.
KrisHawkXXX

Why Do Bisexuals View Gay Men as "Sex Objects" and Women as "Love and Marriage"?
DiamondSkin

Poll: "I'm Gay" - My First 'Bisexual Thread'
illgetbi

To Bisexual JUBbers
impregnator

Pansexuality is the standard of men in gay porn!!!!!!!!!!!?!!!
Marco Sensual

Why is everyone so consumed with masc vs. fem debates?
RazorzEdge88

disappointed to see bi bashing on this site
bangthisbi

Bi Guys...Need Some Advice. Help!
kelseym125

On-topic discussion Bi-guy with a bi-wife
Darvin

Anyone have different physical taste in women then men?
blknsexymale

"straight" and need advise...
ConfusedAt31

Liking Men vs. Liking Dick
Krakenbwool

MMF threesome, reality or fantasy?
Mickmorris1888

Strange Question about Girlfriend and Gay Porn
Georgie234

how to define viginity for gay
sureaaa

What do you bisexuals think of 'faux' bisexuals?
88Jockstraps

Bisexual or Bi-curious, Very confused
Fritos

 

[Seasoned]

Welcome to JUB. I am sorry for the loss of your wife. I'm older than you, was married and have 2 children. I've been with my partner twice as long as I was married to my ex-wife.

Your post brings up a multitude of ideas for me. I've always have been fascinated about the homoeroticism I've noticed in our Western, specificly, US culture since I was a boy. I'm thinking of hero worship in sports, politics and the military specificly. I don't know what specificly goes on inside the straight man's mind, but it seems to me there may be psycho-sexual elements much in the same way as we see in the animal kingdom where males may challenge prowess, but ultimately acquiesce to the stronger.

I hope I don't come across as wacked out. If my field had been sociology I think I would have made this my topic of interest because I think there is a tie in to homophobia.

You mention a penis fascination, which I also think is related. In a male dominated society the penis is afterall what makes a man a man.

I guess what I am saying is that, in my opinion, it is less about fluidity and more about giving permission to one's self to explore something that is already there.

I would also guess that most straight men don't explore this due to inopportunity or societal taboo. While married I fantasized about being a widower and doing exactly what you are doing, exploring.

Wherever life now takes you sexually I think it's important to do exactly what you are doing. Being healthy and safe physically and emotionally and exploring either through fantasy or with consenting adult partners.

I don't think you have to justify it by saying better with a man than with a woman out of respect for your deceased wife. I don't want to come across as cold but marriage ends with divorce or death. It's your life and your body. You're entitled to enjoy it in a way that causes you pleasure without injury to yourself or others. I wish you well on your journey and congratulate you on a long, successful marriage.

 

[EJMichaels]

... I guess what I am saying is that, in my opinion, it is less about fluidity and more about giving permission to one's self to explore something that is already there. ....

I don't mean this as a criticism, but I want to add that sharply delineated categories can be a barrier to personal exploration. I didn't mean a person should be "fluid", but rather that categories can be problematic. I often see posts saying "if I do/want [this], it means I'm [that]," leaving the person focused on the label instead of the journey.

 

[conrad]

Perhaps, E.J. Michaels, it was advantageous to grow up in a time when labels were not so numerous. \

As I have indicated often guys in my time pretty much all grew up thinking of themselves as "regular guys" as the word "straight " had not acquired its heterosexual association. Those guys who were a bit "arty" or clearly marched to a different drummer were often dismissed as "queer" and that only meant strange in most cases. Clearly there were many subtle and not-so-subtle ways in which we were groomed to a kind of conformity.

I can recall that my early teens, the time of lots of masturbation which in my case was accompanied by rich thinking (fantasy) which concentrated on the time when I would be putting my things together with some sweet lady to at last know what fucking was all about.

It didn't turn out that way. And I credit my wise parents and the influence of my rich religious background. MY parents expected me to "do my own thinking" as they had no desire to micromanage my life. The commandment to love others as I loved myself I could not separate form the self-love of masturbations. And, so, when I met and bonded with the new guy in town it was no surprise to me that we eventually wanted and needed to express our affection for one another sexually. All of that was harmonious with the Golden Rule which demanded that I treat others as I would be treated. My teen partner and I had no difficulty in that and for two years we learned by doing; there were no unplanned pregnancies, and no one was hurt. That dear man and I still recall those years together, and we deem them tohave been important to shaping our whole attitude toward sex and love. I loved him before we ever had sex and I love him still.

We did discover that as a practical matter our sexual relationship was something we did not share with others.. They were entitled to what they could observe and we made very sure that we did not draw attention to our relationship or our sexual activity. Sex is personal and private and is best kept that way.

Yet, I would say that any young man, or, for that matter any man, who discovers in real life that some men can be loving and lovable is a richer human being. And such discovery is more than fascinating; it is beautiful and life-changing.

 

[DafyddGeraint]

Welcome to the JUB forum and the its community. I have to agree with you that sexuality is a many varied and fascinating subject. I have to admit, to add context to the point, that for a long time I have struggled with my own sexuality and the more I study the point the more interested in the whole sphere of sexulity I have become.

I live an outwardly heterosexual existence, I live with my female partner, my only sexual partner and in a way I do hope that, that remains the case, whatever our difficulties I care about her in a very intense way and do feel a strong bond between us. However, despite that I do have similarly intense feelings for my best male friend, and I have at times longed to experience the sexual culmination of those feelings, but I made a decision a long time ago that I would only ever be in a monogamous relationship, so I am unable to persue that course.

I went to University and studied about National Identity and about peoples perception of their own place in society. The whole area of self identification fascinates me and sexuality is one of those factors that is so varied and oen for interpretation that entire shelves of theses could be written on it without an answer ever being reached.

I wish you all the best and hope that out of the sadness of your loss you will gain a new found happiness in whatever situation you find yourself in.