Should he be acting like this?

[DracoBlack]

I came out to my bestfriend of 9 years last October. He said, "To tell you the truth, I already knew since 8th grade." We've become a lot tighter since then. I was never ever attracted to my bestfriend, but now I'm kind of attracted to him... I think he knows it.

Last night he commented on I get annoyed when he talks about fucking the girls that come to his house. He then went on to say "I think you want me for yourself," and had a funny smile on his face. I laughed and told him I don't like the girls that come to his house when I'm there because they're very immature, which is why I get annoyed, but he was right... he's very good at reading people. So anyway, some girl came to his house last night looking for her stylus. I thought she was gonna be in out, but she decided to stay because she couldn't find it.

The whole time she was there, my friend was sitting in a chair across from me, rubbing his my leg with his foot (he did this off and on while she wasn't looking). He was also blowing kisses at me, but I knew he wasn't serious so I told him to stop. I was on his computer awhile later and he was trying to touch my thigh, but I kept pushing it away and he said, "Dont be like that." When the girl left, he asked me to me to give him a massage.

He was always touchy feely with me before he knew I was gay - well, before I thought he - but it seems he likes to touch me more now. I hate massaging him because I get hard when I do it and it's like I'm teasing myself. He also says things about having sex with me in a joking manner. He sometimes feels my ass and I'll get mad at him, but I always end up smiling and he knows that I like it.

I don't know what to make of it because he's not gay/bi. If is gay/bi he would've just came right out and asked me to do something with him because he's very blunt. I think he's just acting like this because we've been friends for so long.

 

[zeus007]

I don't know what to make of it because he's not gay/bi. If is gay/bi he would've just came right out and asked me to do something with him because he's very blunt. I think he's just acting like this because we've been friends for so long.

well tough call. I don't think his acting like this cause you are friends for so long. Why do something like that?My str8 friends dont act like this. He may be curious regarding gay issues, or bi. Next time let him continue his thing, see how it goes. Just that, dont stop him. if he doesnt want you "to be like that", then dont! He wont ruin your friendship cause he asks for it.

keep updating, i got a good feelin about it mate.

 

[2pourvous]

sure he would love to try it and do so
enjoy all you can

 

[FabFairy]

Well you have been friends forever and that in itself means he trust you and when you told him your gay he said he knew. Most straight boys would want to end or at least limit the friendship once they knew. I'd let things simmer along and if he is interested he'll let you know sooner or later but until then it is a non-issue.

What is worth more a night of lust or a friendship. Sound like he may be testing the waters or teasing you but you wont know that until he makes a move. So carry on and follow his leads and have some fun on the way. With the introduction of the internet and the material available it is a whole new ball game people know and are doing far more and if they think they can get away with all bets are off. These days the only thing for sure is that he is curious.

 

[DracoBlack]

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll let him keep going and see what happens.

 

[backseatboy]

Thanks for the advice, guys. I'll let him keep going and see what happens.

yeah, i wish you luck. i lived with a guy that sounds JUST like him. He has sex with girls and tells me all about it knowing I get nothing out of it but frustration. He thought I wanted him, and I did in a way, but I didn't want to have the "him" that was fucking girls too. It was a complex jealousy issue.

I told him I was gay and he flirted with me even harder.. We were J/O buddies for a while and that was it. He was curious, but not curious to take it the whole nine yards. So I say see where he takes it.

 

[Eagle653]

I've had a lot of straight male friends in my life, some very close and tight. I don't remember one rubbing my leg with his foot, blowing me kisses (even as a joke), grabbing my thigh or asking me to massage him. Straight guys just don't do that, especially when they know the other guy is gay because it sends mixed messages and leads someone on.

I think he's sending you a message. He may not know how to initiate sex or tell you what he wants. He may want you to take the lead and, in essence, be seduced. Or, maybe he's curious and likes/trusts you enough to maybe explore that curiosity.

On the other hand, he could be an insensitive clod who's straight as the day is long and likes teasing you and flirting, but if you responded in any "gay way," he'd get all beside himself.

Beats me. You know him better than anyone here. Just knowing the situation, and not him, I'd say there's a chance he's not as "straight" as you think. Just a hunch.

 

[slnattak]

Why can't you go to gay bars and meet a wider variety of gay men?

Look it's possible you could get into a healthy relationship with this person. But if you really were content with him you wouldn't be asking for advice sooo for now he's not the one, so in order to meet a good guy for you you gotta keep improving yourself and taking the appropriate risks.

Look in your area for social events for gay men, and go to them. Have the balls to show up. Just see what happens and take in people as they are. Don't be too critical and don't idealize the gay men that you meet, either. We're all here to help and love each other.

Over time, your true love will stand the test of time but only if you put effort into it as well.

 

[Caaake]

I've had a lot of straight male friends in my life, some very close and tight. I don't remember one rubbing my leg with his foot, blowing me kisses (even as a joke), grabbing my thigh or asking me to massage him. Straight guys just don't do that, especially when they know the other guy is gay because it sends mixed messages and leads someone on.

I think he's sending you a message. He may not know how to initiate sex or tell you what he wants. He may want you to take the lead and, in essence, be seduced. Or, maybe he's curious and likes/trusts you enough to maybe explore that curiosity.

On the other hand, he could be an insensitive clod who's straight as the day is long and likes teasing you and flirting, but if you responded in any "gay way," he'd get all beside himself.

Beats me. You know him better than anyone here. Just knowing the situation, and not him, I'd say there's a chance he's not as "straight" as you think. Just a hunch.

agree 100%. let us know what happens!!

 

[G-Lexington]

Why not have a talk with him? Just say "Look, you're a great friend. But I keep getting signals from you. I'm assuming they don't mean anything, but when you blow me kisses, ask for a massage, and try to touch my legs, that gets me wondering. Now I'm not here to rag on your ass about it, but I need to know - are you sending me signals? Because I don't want to start interpreting them as signals if they aren't."

Lex

 

[3nipples]

One of my friends is like that. He's straight, no question, but with me (and no one else around) there is always lots of body contact, long hugs and occasionally a big kiss on the cheek or neck.

Don't forget that knowing that you're gay liberates him in a way too, allowing him to show more affection than he normally could with a straight friend.

 

[GermfreeAdolescent]

I've had a lot of straight male friends in my life, some very close and tight. I don't remember one rubbing my leg with his foot, blowing me kisses (even as a joke), grabbing my thigh or asking me to massage him. Straight guys just don't do that, especially when they know the other guy is gay because it sends mixed messages and leads someone on.

Have to disagree with that. I have straight male friends who do things like that *because* they know I like it. Some people just love that type of attention they'd do anything to receive it. They were definitely straight, they just liked teasing like in the OP

 

[conrad]

Could it be that he is just not as honest with himself as you have been with yourself? Ideally, you would have been friends without either of your "coming out" to yourselves or others. And, being friends you come close to loving each other and seek ways to show it. And then, it happens. You have a bit of sex--maybe it's just jacking each other off. kor maybe you dared to bring a cock to your mouth and he brought a cock (yours of course) to his mouth and you became initiated cocksuckers. Believe me, it can happen; it happened to me. We had the good sense to allow a good afterglow session in which we put into words what we had had together and what we had meant to say in what we did. That relationship lasted through the last two years of high school and the sex was fantastic. We learned by doing and we did it all. Funny thing was that we never thought of ourselves as being anything but regular guys.

What I learned from my teen experience is that love between males can be real and it can become sexual. We haven't had sex together since high school, but, as I loved him then, I love him still. That, I have come to consider to be part of the beauty and mystery of human sexuality.

I am sure that if I had allowed myself to be seduced or if I had seduced my teen friend I would have carried the guilt with me. As it was, however, we both wanted and needed that sexual contact and it seemed right and natural despite our background in family and community restraints.

My thought would be that patience is in order. Take it by easy steps and stay away from the over near sexual advances. It can all happen fast when the "fullness of time" for it has come.

 

[rareboy]

Tell him you'll bl;ow him if it won't ruin your friendship.

Unless you don't want to.

In that case, tell him he's a flirt and a gay cocktease.

 

[PabloZed]

As much as we as gay men would love those types of interactions to mean the guy is actually gay or curious, it is my experience is that it means no such thing. I've had a few guys act in much the same way with me, but were not actually interested in me sexually. They were just playful.

My best friend from high school is a great example, but he would act the same way with me around my friends (who would of course tease me and say we were boyfriends). My friend would often go a lot further than blowing kisses - he loved to ask me to blow him. But it was all talk because once I said "ok" and reached out and grabbed his crotch. He was pretty pissed and I never did it again. It was a game to him.

 

[TX-Beau]

As much as we as gay men would love those types of interactions to mean the guy is actually gay or curious, it is my experience is that it means no such thing. I've had a few guys act in much the same way with me, but were not actually interested in me sexually. They were just playful.

My best friend from high school is a great example, but he would act the same way with me around my friends (who would of course tease me and say we were boyfriends). My friend would often go a lot further than blowing kisses - he loved to ask me to blow him. But it was all talk because once I said "ok" and reached out and grabbed his crotch. He was pretty pissed and I never did it again. It was a game to him.

Complete agreement with this. There's this common fantasy that all of these straight guys are really curious or secretly bi, but back here on the real planet, one should never, ever assume that. Straight until proven otherwise. Unless he tells you he wants to fuck, don't delude yourself into thinking he does.

 

[kramer362]

I dunno man, if you already have feelings for him it might be best not to try fooling around with him, even if he wants it. Unless he indicates that he has actual feelings for you and it wouldn't be just to satisfy his curiosity, you'd prolly get more attached and end up getting hurt. Just approach with caution, 9 years of friendship isn't something you wanna mess up...

 

[FabFairy]

As much as we as gay men would love those types of interactions to mean the guy is actually gay or curious, it is my experience is that it means no such thing. I've had a few guys act in much the same way with me, but were not actually interested in me sexually. They were just playful.

My best friend from high school is a great example, but he would act the same way with me around my friends (who would of course tease me and say we were boyfriends). My friend would often go a lot further than blowing kisses - he loved to ask me to blow him. But it was all talk because once I said "ok" and reached out and grabbed his crotch. He was pretty pissed and I never did it again. It was a game to him.

Complete agreement with this. There's this common fantasy that all of these straight guys are really curious or secretly bi, but back here on the real planet, one should never, ever assume that. Straight until proven otherwise. Unless he tells you he wants to fuck, don't delude yourself into thinking he does.

Well if we are talking in the real world then it is also possible that any guy will be curious now if they choose to act on it is another thing. You also cannot assume that just because you think he is gay/bi and behaves like he is that he will submit or is gay because some of the gayest guy are as straight as a die equally some of the straightest are gay/bi.

The only thing that any of us can do is carry on as usual and let it play out sooner or later if he is curious he will let you know sooner or later perhaps. And if he doesn't let you know then it may mean he is not interested. I think that location in the world can and does play a big part because of customs and attitude your area.

For example I live in Australia and there are very few areas that I would not mention I was gay if asked but on the other hand if I were in America I wouldn't be to happy about telling anyone because I wouldn't feel safe doing so. That doesn't mean I wouldn't visit again if the opportunity arises but I certainly be on my guard.

I have a friend who is "straight", married, children and happy but his secret is that he like to visit gay friends and plays up until he is satisfied then he changes back in straight mode and carries on like nothing happened. Reminds me of a drunk who is on the wagon and fall off regularly. Neither side will ever meet.

I have met both side because i've known him most of his adult life. On the surface he is happy but not content it suits his purposes and forfills life. It is always best to let any situation work itself out when talking about sexuality forcing the issue can have effects that are not to anyone's liking.

 

[spencer]

if someone knows you have feelings for them and are gay and they ASK you for a massage that you already have given him. IMO, that's mean (on his part)

Next time he asks for a message, tell him to strip and lay on the bed, give it to him and make your hands wander. He eggs you on directly by asking you directly to touch him that way.

 

[DracoBlack]

yeah, i wish you luck. i lived with a guy that sounds JUST like him. He has sex with girls and tells me all about it knowing I get nothing out of it but frustration. He thought I wanted him, and I did in a way, but I didn't want to have the "him" that was fucking girls too. It was a complex jealousy issue.

I told him I was gay and he flirted with me even harder.. We were J/O buddies for a while and that was it. He was curious, but not curious to take it the whole nine yards. So I say see where he takes it.

Thank you and thanks for sharing. I don't think he purposely tells me about him and the girls he messes with on purpose, because he usually cares about how I feel. He probably tells me about it because he figures that I'm a guy and I'd like to hear about it.

Why can't you go to gay bars and meet a wider variety of gay men?

Look it's possible you could get into a healthy relationship with this person. But if you really were content with him you wouldn't be asking for advice sooo for now he's not the one, so in order to meet a good guy for you you gotta keep improving yourself and taking the appropriate risks.

Look in your area for social events for gay men, and go to them. Have the balls to show up. Just see what happens and take in people as they are. Don't be too critical and don't idealize the gay men that you meet, either. We're all here to help and love each other.

Over time, your true love will stand the test of time but only if you put effort into it as well.

You're right about him not being the one, but I am somewhat attracted to him. The strange thing is, he's not the type I'd usually go for. He's shorter than me (about 5' 10"), a little chubby (just in the stomach), and were not really into the same things but we click. I would do what you suggested, but there's nothing around here for gays.