Should I ask him out again?

[somedevil]

So I need some help... I have a friend/old coworker who's bi. I asked him out last fall after he finally came out to me months after trying to figure him out. Back then he wanted to be just friends.

The reason why I still like him is that when we were coworkers he always tried to get my attention and after getting to know him outside of work I just started to like him more and more.

Since we don't work together anymore I was wondering if it would be a bad idea to ask him again to see if he feels the same way... because I really would like to take him out on a real date.

I just don't want to hurt what friendship we have going.

 

[lambdaboy]

If he has not contacted you its sounds doubtful. The best you could do is email or call him to say hello see what he says.

 

[hylas]

Nah, I wouldn't. People usually decline a date because they're not into you.

 

[sixthson]

I say go for it if you can handle the fact he might say no. If your friendship (whatever that might be) is damaged by it, it doesn't sound like much of a friendship.

 

[darden]

Nah, I wouldn't. People usually decline a date because they're not into you.

+1

99% of the time, when someone says they don't want to date because they'd rather just be friends, don't have time in their life to date, aren't in a good place, etc, etc... what that usually means is that they don't want to date you.

maybe this is the 1% occasion, and there's not much to lose except pride by asking again, but if it were me personally, I'd just let it be. you told him how you felt and he didn't reciprocate. unless he does something to indicate that he's changed his mind, it sounds like he's already given you an answer.

 

[Seasoned]

It sounds like you have a friendship of sorts. I don't see the harm in asking. Life is short. Try to live it without regrets.

 

[somedevil]

Thanks for the advice... I've been waiting for when I go visit him over the weekend to bring it up. It's just recently he's been encouraging me to apply for a job and move to where he lives. That's why I think there could be something. The other reason is when we still lived in the same city he was drunk one night and texted me 5 times to come over to his place for an after hours party. Maybe I'm over thinking it but there's other things he's done that make me feel like he could be interested.

 

[KaraBulut]

If you have this much uncertainty and because he is a friend, you should talk with him about whether your relationship is better as a friendship or whether he's willing to try dating.

He's already said "No" to you when you were working together (a wise choice). Chances are that he said "No" because he was not interested (and he's had plenty of chances to change his mind since). If he says "No" again, then accept that answer as a permanent "No" and move on with your life.

...he was drunk one night and texted me 5 times to come over to his place for an after hours party.

This doesn't sound like anything other than an invitation to hang out and party. Even if it were something more, don't confuse a drunken booty call with an interest in dating.

 

[Craiger]

Why does contacting or having coffee, lunch or dinner with a friend always have to constitute a "date." Any romantic feeling can be expressed at a later time. Just hanging out for a drink or whatever can give you more indication of his interest in either being a friend of extending it to a higher degree. Call him, make plans to hang out and have fun....

Craiger