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Should I believe him or not

R

recuerdeme

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Actually regardless of if I believe him or not I have decided to stay with him but this thing is still nagging at me. Here's the thing... I went through his wallet and saw a membership card to one of the gay "spas" here in Houston... an actual credit card type card that has been signed by him and also I found a free pass to the other gay "spa" that's here in Houston. The free pass expired a few days before I encountered.

With a couple of phone calls I learned the spa that gives a free pass does so everytime you go and pay regular price. And the passes expire in like 30 days. The membership to the other spa was still active b/c the expiration was printed on the card.

The time frame is around the time me and the bf had about a week (more or less) break up. Now he says he has friends that work at both places and they gave him the card/passes. I find this hard to believe, who are these friends and why have I never met them? Also during the breakup I recieved a phone call at 2am in the morning from an acquaintance who says he saw my bf at a bookstore. So I jumped out of bed and drove to where he said he was and sure enough I found him there with two condoms and a packet of lube in his pocket. He said he was looking for me (Looking for me? There? I almost had to bitch slap him) and the condoms and lube was to distribute to the other guys there he wanted to encourage safe sex (then why just one pack of lub and two condoms?).

Now several times over I have said to myself I must be a damn fool and I'm thinking that even more so while typing this because I find it very very difficult to believe him but I do still kind of want to be with him... well I'm not to sure about that or anything. We've been together for 2 years. And I'm not sure what is upsetting me the most the fact that he was in those places or that he is lying(?)... if indeed he is lying.

Advice?
 
Advice?

#1
Lower the drama experience.

#2
Open up your relationship. He is not into mongamy and it shows. He also thinks that you are pretty naive, to say in the least.

#3
Either live with it or move on.

SC
 
>>>Actually regardless of if I believe him or not I have decided to stay with him...Advice?

Enjoy your soap opera.

Lex
 
So you don't want to open things up but you are not gonna leave him either? Makes no sense. You know what he's up to. He could fuck so many men in one night at those bath houses. Those places are crazy. I use to go with a group of friends and you wouldn't believe what goes on. Bookstores are no better. He hears the call of the wild and won't be able to stop. He will lie to you over and over and still go. When I went with my friends we had a lot of fun.I wouldn't have given it up for a bf.( But I was much younger and pretty wild.) It's over but you just haven't said it yet. I can almost read your next thread..."BF gave me crabs, what should I do?".
 
bluedragon4 said:
So you don't want to open things up but you are not gonna leave him either?
Click to expand...

Never stated I'm not gonna leave him. I stated that I decided to stay with him or better said get back together with him... and obviously I'm questioning that decision.

And yes I know what's best to do.. pero sometimes you need a good kick in the back seat of your pants.
 
You ask for advise then you say regardless I am styaing w/him. So why would to still post when you are not going to receive or are open to the advise.

#1 You were wrong to go through his wallet.[-X That is personal property and it is not yours. My b/f and I have been to together for 24 years.

I have never once gone through his wallet nor he to mine. You both have TRUST issues and you are insecure and are also hurt. That hurt is what is makeing these issues grow. The communication you have is not truthfull and that is not going to help.

The writing is on the wall and you know it's there but wont admitt it. This will only prolong your pain. His excuses are most likely lies and that does not helpeither.

You may need to reevaluate your situation w/him and decide with much carefull thought. And you should include him in your talks and gets his view and vibe and see where you are going from here.

and if it is best to part then do it and grow from this and move on.

BUT ONE B/F SHOULD NEVER GO THROUGH ONE'S WALLET TO BE SNEAKY, ONCE YOU CROSS THAT LINE YOU CAN NOT HAVE TRUE TRUST AGAIN.
 
racer2438 said:
#1 You were wrong to go through his wallet.[-X That is personal property and it is not yours. My b/f and I have been to together for 24 years.
Click to expand...

I knew someone would remark on this and my response is I did it and would do it again if I felt the need.

I'll agree the writings are on the wall...
 
The real question then becomes "Why do you feel the need?" Because I don't go through my boyfriend's things either.

Maybe I'm an idiot.
Or maybe I just have a more secure relationship.

From what you've said, your relationship sounds like it's got some issues anyway. There are better ways to confront these issues than going through the wallet.

Lex
 
All I have to say is, you going through his wallet is a huge no no and despite all of what you said and how you will stay with him, I would throw your ass out. There is no excuse for being a sneak and disregarding privacy of anyone. YOU have the trust issues and even if BF was not exactly being an angel, you broke a cardinal rule. OUT!

Meanwhile, I agree with Lex, enjoy your soap opera.
 
I don't believe a single one of you who is trying to coming off as never having invaded another's privacy.

And no ones kicking my ass out of anything. I would like to see someone try.

And believe it or not I don't have a soap opera of a life but its nice to know that's the best you can come up with.
 
Sadly, it is the best thing I can come up with. Then again, I'm not the one seeking advice.

Lex
 
G-Lexington said:
The real question then becomes "Why do you feel the need?" Because I don't go through my boyfriend's things either.

Maybe I'm an idiot.
Or maybe I just have a more secure relationship.

From what you've said, your relationship sounds like it's got some issues anyway. There are better ways to confront these issues than going through the wallet.

Lex
Click to expand...

Maybe you are iono. But when trust is broken you get reasons for doing something normally regarded as inappropriate. And don't give me any bullshit remarks about when you lose trust there is nothing else. Trust can be regained and obviously there's different ways to go about reestablishing trust in someone. Maybe your way is different than mine.

Like I said I'd do it again if ever prompted. And of course the relationship has problems other wise we wouldn't have broken up and none of this would have happened (cough).

WTF
 
Trust your gut.


And don't be in a relationship --lover or friend-- with a liar. They are toxic.
 
The people who are your lovers and friends play an important role in defining the direction of your life -- they help you be your better self or they diminish you into being your worse self.

Never adjust your behavior to accomodate a liar.

And be wary of being charmed by external markers.
 
Statements like you are writing and your insecurity that you have to go through someone wallet and unwillingness to accept you are wrong is EXACTLY why you have drama and why this is happening.

NO ONE>>> I DONT CARE WHO YOU ARE SHOULD GO THROUGH SOMEONE'S WALLET.

I DONT CARE IF YOU DONT BELIEVE US THAT WE HAVE NOT GONE THROUGH OUR PARTNERS WALLET. WE KNOW WHO WE ARE AND OUR TRUST WITH OUR MATES IS ONE YOU DONT PLAY WITH.

My b/f and I didnt not get to 24 years together by being insecure and going through each others personal things.

I mean you not disrespect my only issue is going through his wallet was a no no.

He and you both are not angels here, it takes 2 to make things work and it only 1 to fuck it up. You guys have much more under lying issue here. If you dont work things through it is going to get much worse and it will carry onto your next relationship.

dont get to defensive on the advise when you read things you dont like which are true and then back pedal .

BEING STUBBORN IS NOT A GOOD VIRTUE.

and when you say "I will go through his wallet agai if you feel the need"

you are only digging a hole deeper.

best of luck hope things work out, but if they dont you will know why.







recuerdeme said:
I don't believe a single one of you who is trying to coming off as never having invaded another's privacy.

And no ones kicking my ass out of anything. I would like to see someone try.

And believe it or not I don't have a soap opera of a life but its nice to know that's the best you can come up with.
Click to expand...
 
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