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Should I confront my friend?

secondmonkey

secondmonkey

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To make a long story short, one of my best friends, who I've known basically my whole life, stole something from me a little while ago - a zippo lighter worth about $30. He thinks he got away with it, but I basically just watched him put it in his pocket and walk out of my house. I didn't say a word, because I was shocked that he would do that, and I think our friendship is a lot more important than fighting about a $30 lighter. That said, the more I think about it the more it pisses me off. It's not about the money...I'd give him anything I had if he really needed it. I just can't beleive he would steal from me.

Do you think I should say something about it? I mean, I can't imagine what his response would be. I don't even want it back at this point. In a way I really want to say "hey, what the fuck?!"....but then again, our friendship is worth much more than $30 to me. I think the biggest problem is I can't trust him anymore...now I actually have to hide my valueables when my best friend comes over. :rolleyes:
 
"Hey, Bud, I know you borrowed my lighter one night, but you forgot to give it back. Could you get that back to me? It's my favorite. I appreciate it. Thanks."

"Yeah, remember, you put it in your jacket pocket. I saw you. No big deal. I know it must have just slipped your mind."

You know it's not true, he knows it's not true, and more importantly, he'll know you know it's not true. But you've given him a chance to feel ashamed and also do the right thing. If he doesn't...fuck him. He's not a real friend anymore.
 
Personally, I would not call a person whom I could not trust my "best friend".


Forgiving an offence caused accidently is a far cry from excusing what appears to be an intentional violation of trust. If I where you I would have called him on it the moment it was happening. But being that did not happen then my advice would be to simply call him out on it the next time you see him.


"Hey buddy, I got something I want to ask you. I know this might sound crazy but I thought I saw you pick up my lighter the other day and I was wondering .................."


Listen to what he has to say and then judge whether you think his is being truthful. It might be time for you to re-evaluate your friendship.


Obviously this lighter must hold some value for you regardless of its monetary cost or you would not be talking to us about it. So find out if your friendship is worth a $30 lighter to him.
 
Are you sure it was intentional? Did he spark up first and then put it in his pocket? - coz i'm reknown for walking off with other people's lighters - completely unintentionally
 
Killjoke said:
"Hey, Bud, I know you borrowed my lighter one night, but you forgot to give it back. Could you get that back to me? It's my favorite. I appreciate it. Thanks."
Click to expand...

I like this one. ;)

As much as I believe that friends who steal just aren't worth it, I find it really difficult to tell them off and maybe that's because I'm one of those pushovers. I'd hide my things when he come overs for the next few times, but if it happens too often, I might just say "ermm, my place isn't a good idea."
 
If he's one of your best friends I would be straightforward with him because you're right that you cannot trust him now and I believe trust is at the heart of good relationships.

Maybe he really did do it inadvertantly.

But there are people who steal and convince themselves they're not stealing because what they've stolen is of little value or the person they've stolen from has so much. The truth is they are thieves and they are dishonest, and those are consequential components of personality and self-definition.

If he's a "friend" who doesn't matter much to you, let it go -- chalk it up to a relatively inexpensive way to learn the kind of person he really is. Who wants a thief hanging around? If he matters and your friendship with him matters, call him on it. It's up to you to define the nature of your "best" friendships.
 
Nonimus said:
Are you sure it was intentional? Did he spark up first and then put it in his pocket? - coz i'm reknown for walking off with other people's lighters - completely unintentionally
Click to expand...

No, it was definately on purpose. We've smoked a lot of pot together but I'm pretty sure he was sober and the lighter wasn't even filled so he couldn't have been using it. It's hard to explain, but I know he went and grabbed it before he left, then with a straight face said goodbye and left.


Yeah, I'll have to re-evaluate the "best friend" label, but that's why it bothers me so much. It would be like my dog stealing from me...I just can't comprehend why he would do that. I mean, zippos aren't even any good for lighting bongs, and that's the only thing he smokes!
 
Well I know I am guilty of this and I've taken lighters that don't work, never intentionally and usualy in a more or less altered state of consciousness, you had been on the weed. I would ask him if he seen your Zippo. If he says no then I would let him know I saw him take it and had given him a chance and let him know how I felt about it. Friends do not steal from friends. The terms are mutually exclusive.
 
I'm always stealing lighters... I don't even realise that I am doing it.
 
Tell him you have been looking all over for your lighter and can't find it. Then ask him he he has happened to see it!
 
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