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Should I confront my friend?

secondmonkey

secondmonkey

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So I have this friend. We were best friends our entire lives up until about 2 years ago when things started to go south. We don't talk much anymore, and I miss him tremendously. I told him I'm gay about 8 months ago, and he apparently has no problem with it, but we're still very distant. He pretends to be a good christian, IE, being gay is "bad". He specifically told me he's not gay, but doesn't have a problem with me being gay.

Here's the thing. I have several reasons to believe he might be gay, mainly, the fact that I've never seen him with or heard about anything he's done with a girl in 15 years of knowing him. He's the kind of guy that could have a hot girlfriend no problem. Anyway, someone recently suggested to me maybe the reason he has become so distant from me is because he might actually be gay and trying to supress it. He's in a frat in college and it's very important to him, and I know they are highly homophobic.

So my question is this. I still think there's a strong possibility he's gay even though he says he's denying it. I've never really brought up the issue, and we mostly ignore my gayness. Should I confront him and REALLY ask if he might be gay or even bi? I'd hate for him to be in "gay denial" as I was until about age 20 and would love to help him...but then again I don't want to make things even worse between us. What do you think...should I confront him about it?
 
No, you shouldn't.

Would you wanted to have been confronted about your sexuallity?

His knowing that you're gay was by your choice - offer him the same option.

But, keep in mind that sometimes pretend christians are very good actors - just like a closeted guy.
 
Doesn't matter if he is gay or not he will make up his own mind if he wants to be known as gay or anything else.

If he is a good friend or not let him find his own way afterall that is what you would expect.

Life has it own way of sorting out our little problems in it's own way and time.
 
secondmonkey said:
So my question is this. I still think there's a strong possibility he's gay even though he says he's denying it. I've never really brought up the issue, and we mostly ignore my gayness. Should I confront him and REALLY ask if he might be gay or even bi?
Click to expand...

No.

secondmonkey said:
I'd hate for him to be in "gay denial" as I was until about age 20 and would love to help him...but then again I don't want to make things even worse between us. What do you think...should I confront him about it?
Click to expand...

If someone is your friend, then you don't try to force them to do things they are not ready to do. Nor do you get them drunk and take advantage of them (not directed toward you secondmonkey- there other thread like this one in which the responses are 'get him drunk').

If this guy is really a Christian and has never had a girlfriend then it could be because he actually believes in waiting until marriage or he may have a girlfriend that he doesn't use like an accessory all of the time. The fact that you have known each other for 15 years and he's never talked to you about dating probably indicates that he doesn't want to talk about it or maybe he doesn't think of you as a close friend that he would confide in.

If these threads were from straight women saying "My friend is gay but I think he's really straight", the responses would be "He's gay. Deal.".

He's straight. Deal.
 
Move on. He has got his Christian life to live and you might be having completely different objectives at this time in your life.

Why waste your time and energy on someone, who is taking your friendship down, south?

Why not invest those resources in building a better life for yourself.

SC
 
i wouldn't confront him about himself, but maybe try and bring it up how hard it was to admit to yourself knowing you'd be criticized by the (christian) community and that you're glad he's able to look past that.

mention that you don't know why God made you that way, but he had to of because no matter how hard you tried to suppress the feelings it wouldn't go away? at least if he is gay that could maybe make him think about it and feel less alone. but i wouldn't try applying it to his life, just make it seem like you're applying his christian beliefs to YOUR life. :confused:
 
He knows he has a gay friend he can go to if he wants to talk about his gay feelings (if, in fact, he has them). It's up to him to make the first move.

Lex
 
I agree with all the above. I can speak from personal experience. When someone tries to cross lines such as this it usually means there is more of a self interest involved. I understand the desire to hold onto a longtime friend. People however do change.
 
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