Should I delete him off my friends list?

[WellAlright]

Okay, I know the title sounds petty. And maybe this whole thing is.

I was in a relationship with someone for a couple months, and then we kind of became just good friends (I just wasn't that into him as he was into me, and in my point of my life I couldn't give him the relationship that he deserved).

We live about 4 hours from each other.

Anyway, we stayed in contact still as good friends, talked every day either via text, phone, or facebook. I cared him about a lot. I don't know what to consider him, a friend? More than a friend? I'm attracted to him, but, just not as much as he deserves in a loving relationship.

Well, he would continually say he misses me and wants me to visit him, so on and so forth. I missed him too, but I didn't want to start our relationship back up again.

So in January, I don't know what happened. I got drunk one night (stupid me), and we started talking on facebook chat, and we had a fight about something stupid. I can't even recall what it was about, just that it was dumb.

Since then, we haven't spoken since. Not one call, text, e-mail or instant message. I was being stubborn and obviously wanted him to contact me first.

I find out less than a week later after our stupid fight, he's in a relationship with somebody else now. And I'm happy for him, because obviously I still care about him and want him to be happy. And I'm not upset, because it's not like we were in a relationship, nor was he cheating on me or anything.

But...I don't know. Just the way our communication ended, on a bad note. And I still do miss him. Every time I see him online on facebook, I get a little tempted to start a chat with him, but I just don't know what to say. And I know it's petty, but I do get a little sad whenever he comes on, and I secretly hopes he messages me.

Obviously, I still care about him and miss him. But every time I'm on facebook and I see him on, I'm just reminded about how much I miss him. We haven't spoken in 2 months. I'm thinking it's better just to remove him from my friend's list, so as to not see pictures of him and his new boyfriend, or to see him on chat and to hope that he messages me.

Do you think this is the healthier approach to take? I already deleted him from my phone. It's just...I want to break off all ways of contact with him so as to not be reminded of him, but a part of me is also scared I might regret totally losing him forever. I know I sound like a lame and stubborn brat right now.

Anyways, thanks for reading!

 

[texan_slant]

Give it some time, then contact him, and tell him that you want to remain friends;
then, the ball is in his court.

Depending on his reaction, whether or not you hear from him, etc. If it's not favorable, or if he doesn't respond, then is the time to remove hims as a friend, and you will have also have known that you've done what you could from your end.

 

[maxpowr9]

Cut the line. Clearly he has moved on and so should you. Even with my previous ex (of about 2 years), I still wish the best for him even though we are no longer dating or speaking and I am with someone else now. Two months is more than enough time to get over him.

 

[CHUCK905]

I'm of the opinion if you miss him, and care for him and know that he is now in a relationship with someone else, Why don't you message him? Are you really being that stubborn about a fight that you can't even remember what it was about? Is it really worth the friendship that *he* contact *you* first? And if it was a drunk fight that you don't clearly remember it is possible that you might have said some hurtful thing(s) that he is holding against you.

As was said above, contact him, (maybe even *apologize* for the fight) and then as has been said, the ball's in his court.

But if you can't do this, you probably don't really care all that much.

My 2 cents.

 

[morgaes]

If you think you can manage being his friend then initiate contact with him. It may be awkward but just say something along the lines of "Hi, I can't really remember why we parted on bad terms last time, but I'm sorry about whatever happened and hope we can be friends"

Even if you're not gonna be in regular contact with him, it won't hurt to clear the air.

 

[altlover85]

Even if you're not gonna be in regular contact with him, it won't hurt to clear the air.

I agree. I think it might even be cathartic.

 

[LoveIsNow]

Just apologize. Somebody has to. If you want someone in your life, don't run away from them. If you know you sound stubborn, then you probably know it's not the right choice. Just reach out and you'll either be glad you did, or if not, your decision will be pretty much made for you.

 

[Just_Believe18]

Uh, say hi?

After you clear the air and make up, then you can decide if you want to keep in contact with him.

 

[jstud]

In my opinion, if you delete him, then I think that's a little retarded, no offense to you. If I was in the situation, I would wait for both of our emotions to simmer and then take it from there. If he doesn't want to know, then you can delete him then.

 

[CHUCK905]

After my last post I've kept thinking about your original one. I'm play amateur shrink here and could be WAY off-base so feel free to ignore any or all of the following. But

Could your reluctance to contacting him first have anything to do with the fact that you actually liked having him in a relationship where "I just wasn't that into him as he was into me" and maybe subconsciously you were not as "happy for him" as you say you were when you found "out less than a week later after our stupid fight, he's in a relationship with somebody else."

Because I can't figure out if you weren't into him in that way and just wanted to be friends why "remove him from my friend's list, so as to not see pictures of him and his new boyfriend, or to see him on chat and to hope that he messages me???"

To me, and I may be far off, you had this guy who wanted you, and even though you didn't want him that way, it made you feel good to be wanted, and now that he's moved on you resent not being the focus of his desire and you're using the "dumb" argument as an excuse.

Also, when people get involved they have a tendency to be somewhat neglectful of friends. If you want to be his friend call him already.

 

[foxylina]

yes you should
-didnt read-

 

[WellAlright]

After my last post I've kept thinking about your original one. I'm play amateur shrink here and could be WAY off-base so feel free to ignore any or all of the following. But

Could your reluctance to contacting him first have anything to do with the fact that you actually liked having him in a relationship where "I just wasn't that into him as he was into me" and maybe subconsciously you were not as "happy for him" as you say you were when you found "out less than a week later after our stupid fight, he's in a relationship with somebody else."

Because I can't figure out if you weren't into him in that way and just wanted to be friends why "remove him from my friend's list, so as to not see pictures of him and his new boyfriend, or to see him on chat and to hope that he messages me???"

To me, and I may be far off, you had this guy who wanted you, and even though you didn't want him that way, it made you feel good to be wanted, and now that he's moved on you resent not being the focus of his desire and you're using the "dumb" argument as an excuse.

Also, when people get involved they have a tendency to be somewhat neglectful of friends. If you want to be his friend call him already.

Thank you all for your responses! They're all appreciated.

CHUCK, what an intelligent response! I think a big issue with me is that I wasn't sure how I felt about him (obviously this means I can't be in a relationship with him). Yes, it was nice having someone attracted to me, but I hated always denying him and making him feel bad after we had broken up. I truly and honestly did want him to find someone else who could give him the love he deserves.

Yes, I miss his flatters, but what I miss more his just his company, whether it's in person or electronic communication, it was always nice to have him as a friend.

I had mentioned in my first post that I am still attracted to him (just...not head over heals for him and nor do I think we could ever live the same lifestyle), so yes, selfishly admitted, it was a bit of a jab in the heart to see he had found someone so quickly after our fight. I guess I felt like he had written me off so soon? Not saying that he did, but it's just what it felt like. We had just stopped all communication and now I see he is with someone else. I felt like he stopped caring about me (as a friend) once he found his boyfriend, especially because we had ended on a bad note.

I will give this some more time before I do anything more. I am a bit selfish and stubborn when it comes to admitting I'm wrong , but I also kind of feel like we're both playing the same waiting game; we're both waiting for each other to contact one another again.

Thank you all again for the responses!