Should I end the relationship?

[Mikael176]

I have a situation that I would like to run by my friends here. I have been dating someone for around three months. Up until this point, we have been getting along very well. This is my first serious relationship with a guy after many years being straight.

Up until now, my boyfriend was working at a hotel as an assistant manager. I would visit when I could and stay overnight. He would visit me here often. We live about 90 minutes from each other.

For much of that time, he has said that many of his guests have made advances towards him. He told me in a flattering way, and I never thought he was fooling around. He even mentioned that a bi-couple wanted to do a foursome with me involved, for which neither of us thought would be a great idea.

So he has now been fired from this job. His employers said he was sleeping with guests. Apparently this accusation came from a fellow employee that mentioned this to management during her exit interview. She quit to take another job.

I don’t have any reason to believe that my boyfriend cheated. At the same time, I can’t imagine a hotel management firm would fire someone without some strong justification. Pressing my boyfriend, he said he did nothing wrong. As I pushed some more, he said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore.

He then said that he was very depressed over the situation, didn’t like my tone, and would understand if I needed a break.

A break wasn’t on my mind. I gave him the benefit of the doubt. Now, I’m a little bit angry and concerned that he was so quick to shut our conversation on the subject down. I’m wondering now whether those advances that flattered him were, in fact, true.

I don’t know what to do. Any advice? B thanks.

 

[jensu846]

Why would a fellow employee bring up him sleeping with the guests? That seems like an odd topic for an exit interview. It also sounds like he doesn't like being pressed about it from you because he's hiding some things from you. Idk. And for him to dismiss the relationship so quickly sounds fishy too. Maybe you should take a break & see what happens.

 

[KaraBulut]

End the relationship because he cheated? Perhaps.

End the relationship because he didn't tell the truth about it? Definitely.

Unless you're the guest that he was sleeping with, he not only got caught by his employer, he not only was cheating on you, he's also tacitly lying to you about it.

 

[Mikael176]

But he said he did not. I can't prove that though

 

[bankside]

Mostly he says he doesn't want to talk about it.

DTMFA.

 

[eastofeden]

One thing comes to mind for me when I read this.....

..are you....perhaps....the "guest" he was sleeping with?

 

[KaraBulut]

But he said he did not. I can't prove that though

And the underlying doubt that you have about whether he's being honest... that's revealing about how much you feel you can trust him, isn't it?

 

[Craiger]

It seems to me it is very easy for us to proclaim him guilty and tell you to break up, but we are not the ones that are emotionally attached. This is a decisions that you have to make. One question is, where is he living now? Still 90 minutes away? Is he willing to move in with you? Do you not have any skeletons in your closet that you have not discuss with him? You may have a shaken trust for now and his reluctance to discuss it anymore plays heavy in your mind, but was the relationship a happy one before all this occurred? For me, these would be the questions I would want to roll over in my mind. Perhaps the pressure you were putting on him in questioning his trust was more stressful because of the occurrence of his losing his job. Sometimes the benefit of the doubt can be the best way to proceed. We can give advise on the little we know, but, whatever, it has to be your decision not ours. I wish you the best in making that decision.

Craiger

 

[LAPan75]

He should sue the Hotel and own his own in the end.
Unless you're in a State where it's OK to be fired for being gay.

....or he did what he's accused of and doesn't have a leg to stand on....​

 

[Seasoned]

Most service businesses prohibit fraternization with guests for obvious reasons. If an employee complained about his behavior leading to his being fired, the assumption has to be there was some proof.

This doesn't necessarily have to be a huge issue. If the two of you have never had anything other than a long distance relationship three months is a short period of time to sort things out. If it were me I'd suspect that my new boyfriend was still living his old pattern and I'd be insisting on safe sex.

There could be greater issues here. Where you a hotel guest when you met? Is he just opportunistic when it comes to sex or is he addicted to sex and/or excitement? If he is that would put you in the role of co-dependent.

I think it would be helpful for you to sort things out for yourself. If there are below the surface issues you could end up re-playing this pattern with other guys should you drop him.

In the end, trust yourself and your communication (or lack thereof) as to whether or not you ought to stay in a relationship. Sometimes when we "punish the dirty bastard" we end up hurting ourselves.

To make myself clear to anyone else reading this, never accept abuse or fear in a relationship. I don't advocate saving all relationships although I do believe committed healthy partners are able to overcome a lot.

 

[checkinthingsout]

He should sue the Hotel and own his own in the end.
Unless you're in a State where it's OK to be fired for being gay.

....or he did what he's accused of and doesn't have a leg to stand on....​

This. Businesses such as hotel chains try not to wrongfully fire employees without irrefutable proof. I think he cheated, and lied to you about it. And I am not sure why that would come up in an exit interview

 

[Omni20]

He cheated.
Same happened to me,last month I found out my BF cheated with 2 or even more 2 years ago.Kept lying about thing till now.Gets angry when I ask for truth,either way it's up to you.All I know is I love my bf but relationship is dead.