Hello friends.
I'm a 46 year old that has been consistently straight throughout his life but also with constant fantasies about sex with males. My attraction to women is strong and I have no identity issues of any kind but the strength of my fantasies and attraction to men is making me consider if I should not give it a try not only to have sex with a man but maybe even some kind of relationship.
During most of my life my fantasies were about being the bottom of another older, stronger man. They were not totally abstract fantasies but feeded by my attraction to some of my friends. The first one was a friend of the university, T, a black man from my country that is 8 years older than me. He is totally straight and we were close friends for many years but in some point i realized that i have a strong attraction to him: he was a slim but muscular guy of hairy chest and i now understand that i was attracted to him: from years i had been fantasizing of him seducing me -even forcing me- in his home where i frequently crashed. I surprised myself one day with an elaborate fantasy in which I lost my virginity to him, we entered into a public relationship and I was in love with him and very submissive.
The other source of my fantasies is more troublesome: L a friend of mine, a very attractive, athletic, dark skinned guy. When we were like 25 he has single and started doing insinuations to me, jokingly proposing to have sex: he even kissed me once !! i was very angry but also, i understand now, very aroused. I had fantasies of him taking me since that time but I never acted it out even if for some weeks he was constantly insinuating and telling me I was cute and attractive. With him my fantasies also escalated to sexual ones to almost romantic: i pictured us living together and making love in the morning an image that arouse me a lot. The last one is R, a strong, charismatic black guy that was my coworker and that could have been a little insinuating with me. But with him these are most fantasies of being seduced and taken. Up until now i only had some sexual experience with other guy, cute, slender and younger than me. We kissed a little and I sucked his dick, but that was it. I fantasize less with him but, with him, I picture myself both as active and passive. I also have some fantasies with younger guys and trans women in which I'm active. Most of the time I lust women and fantasize with them.
In this point i have no problem in admitting my attraction to men and that the desire of having sex is kind of escalating: now i also have also desires to be caressed and treated with tenderness by an older and stronger man. I have been lonely for some time and I understand that loneliness feeds those desires and fantasies, but the repetitiveness of this is making me think if I should not give it a try and experiment: I'm living as an expatriate, outside my country, and I know few people. But also I feel that I'm too old for that and that the right time was when L was insinuating things to me.
I don't think about this all the time but I do it periodically, so this is not an accidental part of me. So i can't avoid wondering: it is too late, is it worth it??.
I'm a 46 year old that has been consistently straight throughout his life but also with constant fantasies about sex with males. My attraction to women is strong and I have no identity issues of any kind but the strength of my fantasies and attraction to men is making me consider if I should not give it a try not only to have sex with a man but maybe even some kind of relationship.
During most of my life my fantasies were about being the bottom of another older, stronger man. They were not totally abstract fantasies but feeded by my attraction to some of my friends. The first one was a friend of the university, T, a black man from my country that is 8 years older than me. He is totally straight and we were close friends for many years but in some point i realized that i have a strong attraction to him: he was a slim but muscular guy of hairy chest and i now understand that i was attracted to him: from years i had been fantasizing of him seducing me -even forcing me- in his home where i frequently crashed. I surprised myself one day with an elaborate fantasy in which I lost my virginity to him, we entered into a public relationship and I was in love with him and very submissive.
The other source of my fantasies is more troublesome: L a friend of mine, a very attractive, athletic, dark skinned guy. When we were like 25 he has single and started doing insinuations to me, jokingly proposing to have sex: he even kissed me once !! i was very angry but also, i understand now, very aroused. I had fantasies of him taking me since that time but I never acted it out even if for some weeks he was constantly insinuating and telling me I was cute and attractive. With him my fantasies also escalated to sexual ones to almost romantic: i pictured us living together and making love in the morning an image that arouse me a lot. The last one is R, a strong, charismatic black guy that was my coworker and that could have been a little insinuating with me. But with him these are most fantasies of being seduced and taken. Up until now i only had some sexual experience with other guy, cute, slender and younger than me. We kissed a little and I sucked his dick, but that was it. I fantasize less with him but, with him, I picture myself both as active and passive. I also have some fantasies with younger guys and trans women in which I'm active. Most of the time I lust women and fantasize with them.
In this point i have no problem in admitting my attraction to men and that the desire of having sex is kind of escalating: now i also have also desires to be caressed and treated with tenderness by an older and stronger man. I have been lonely for some time and I understand that loneliness feeds those desires and fantasies, but the repetitiveness of this is making me think if I should not give it a try and experiment: I'm living as an expatriate, outside my country, and I know few people. But also I feel that I'm too old for that and that the right time was when L was insinuating things to me.
I don't think about this all the time but I do it periodically, so this is not an accidental part of me. So i can't avoid wondering: it is too late, is it worth it??.
