Should I go for it?

[digitaldude5]

Well, I've been talking to a guy that goes to my school, he's just discovered his interest in dick. He's a very attractive young man, my age, and we talk about random stuff over MSN, eventually leading us to start jerking off with eachother, generally on camera. He did it a few times, and then asked me to last night. I did it, albeit a bit shyly, because I'm extremely shy about my body (long-term self-image issues). He said the whole thing was so hot, and he enjoyed every second of it.

We got into a bit of an argument awhile back, because I generally reserve sex for a relationship, but he said that he usually goes with a physical relationship to see how it grows from there. Also, right now he said he just wants blowjobs and handjobs, and he needs a bit of time before he'll actually be able to reciprocate the blowjob, it's all really foreign to him. When I asked him if it was gonna be a one-time thing(the stem of my issues with it), he said he didn't want it to be, and suddenly we were fine.

So, generally I'm asking... Should I set aside my current ideas of in-relationship only sex, and just go for a physical relationship right now (I'm super horny... all the time), messing around with the bisexual guy... and see if something comes of it?

Hoping I made sense here, and hoping I didn't waste your time!

digitaldude

 

[trawler69]

Well you two already have a relationship in that you can talk to each other about how you feel about relationships and sex. That is not something that happens between casual acquaintances. As long as you keep communicating on this deeper level there should be no problem in experimenting. Just keep being honest with each other.

All the best

 

[confusedboy23]

Tough one here. I reckon it all depends on how you define a relationship. Don't do anything you're not comfortable with or not ready for. If he is indeed the right guy, he would understand because when you're in relationship, you're there for one another in all ups and downs. Just be honest with each other.

 

[kcboi]

I completely agree with trawler69... just keep talking to each other...

 

[kawaii]

GO FOR IT IM A SLUT I WOULD DO IT IN A HEART BEAT!!!

 

[bigcannon]

Physical sex is a whole lot more intimate than electronic internet sex. There is a much greater chance of a longer lasting relationship with someone you have actually been intimate with than someone you have jerked off with on a computer. Besides, it is a whole hell of a lot more fun to touch one another. It tends to relieve one's horniness as well. Just keep everything in perspective.

 

[SilverRRCloud]

This is all really your sex life, so you call all the shots.

I'd seriously re-consider 'the sex in serious LTRs only' policy, though.

Men want and need sex, even though they may not necessarily be in love. By sticking with an obsolete, uptight, Victorian 'sex after some sort of marriage only' policy, you are possibly harming your own life and turning off prospective BFs, who otherwise might be very good dating and BF material. You'll find that the 'sex in relationship only' turns off so many guys, who rightly assume, there is something wrong with your sex life, libido, etc. You'll find out that many guys will start perceiving you as a sex-negative person, possibly as a guy with a minimal sex drive. Someone with serious hang-ups and unresolved serious personal issues. It really boils down to you being your own worst enemy.

For many guys, sex is a key (if certainly not the only) element of their m2m LTRs. Investing lot of time, emotions, money and energy to enter into anything rather serious, only to belatedly discover that it does not quite work in the bedroom, is a serious error that many of us have made once, and firmly swore never to do it again. (Trust me, I have been there and done that.)

Give his proposal a very serious thought. Are you happy with his 'limited reciprocation' attitude at the moment? If not, tell him clearly, how you feel about it.

In other words, do all you find fit and necessary. But make sure that you have no regrets later.

There is nothing worse than a dude, who was told everything, who agreed to everything and who did everything only to change his views afterwards and come kickin' and screamin' afterwards asking for everybody's sympathy.

SC

 

[Just_Believe18]

You have your values. He has his. He wants you to compromise first and maybe he'll compromise later. It's sort of new to you and it's very new to him.

The choice is yours.

 

[spreadeagle]

I think you should stop having on-line sex with him but agree to meet him for real sex face-to-face. This will require a measure of commitment from both of you. I wouldn't worry unduly about him not reciprocating with a bj initially but if the situation evolves where he's getting off while leaving you unsatisfied then you're being used and you should call a halt.

Do think carefully about this because you say you have some self-image issues and you could be setting yourself up to be wounded in that area.

 

[digitaldude5]

Here's an update:

Well, the whole reason we haven't gotten together is twofold. Firstly, we needed flavoured condoms, because he wants it to be safe all around, including bjs, which I'm fine with, and secondly, he had ideas that i actually didn't want to get together and mess around. SO, I killed two birds with one stone and got the condoms myself, to show him that I wanted to, and to show that we had them. I told him I had a little dilemma, and that I got some new "treats" that look fun to suck on, but I needed something big and hard to wrap them around, and I didn't know which flavour to try first. He got blown away by the fact that I got them, again citing my supposed resistance... I proved my point that I wanted to, and that now we're ready. He kept calling me sweet and other such stuff for doing it, which made me smile.

It turns out he couldn't make it last night because he had a huge presentation to do today and he was feeling a bit off in his stomach anyways. He told me he needed someone to rub his stomach for him, and I said I'd do it if I were there . So... we talked about getting together tonight, but it was bad for both of us - he has another assignment to work on(damn science students and their labs), and I have class from 8:15am til 9:30pm... a day that always exhausts me(hey, we arts students have long-winded discussions in our classes). AND, since neither of us has classes on Fridays, we decided to get together Thursday night, for the entire night... Have as much fun as we can handle, sleep together and then get up and have some more fun in the shower. We made a promise not to until we got together Thursday... so the first one is guaranteed to be explosive. He's going out with his buddies beforehand for a little while for a b-day thing, but he promised not to drink too much. I'm gonna mix myself a few before he gets here just to loosen up a bit (metaphorically and physically - I can deepthroat a hell of a lot easier after a few rum and cokes).

Plus, he's making me feel so much better about myself. We both went on cam after he finished his work, and he was calling me smokin, hot, sexy, adorable... It was so great. I've never felt so good about something I never thought I'd have... I'm thinking I need to re-evaluate my situation.

So... I can't wait til Thursday, and I've been half hard constantly since our convo last night.

 

[Lucas07]

Aaaw so happy for you!

 

[trawler69]

I'm very happy for you both, I hope it works out. The key to it working is good communication and you have demonstrated that you are doing that and he is reciprocating and appreciating your openess and understanding. This is a great way for you to start a potential relationship ort at least explore both of your sexualities.

Good luck to the both of you

 

[Riverrick]

Well, good luck.

If you feel confused afterwards, come back and talk to us. Some guys can just do the sex thing and other guys need connection and romance and feel kind of empty afterwards. Being one of the latter I can tell you its best to walk into this sort of situation with your eyes wide open and not expect too much else from him.

 

[Eagle653]

At the risk of sounding like a total slut, I sometimes think people get too hung up on what a "relationship" is and let sex confuse the whole issue even further. I don't see them as mutually exclusive--meaning I don't think having sex precludes, nor makes, a "relationship."

Relationships occur when a two people, in a suitable position, wish one to develop. Sex happens when two horny people get together. If sexual compatibility eventually leads to a relationship, great. If a relationship eventually leads to sex, great too. If good sex occurs while waiting for a relationship to come along, more power to you.

I wouldn't over-analyze all this. Do what you feel like doing and be yourself. If you tire of it or him, then move on. If you grow fonder of him and vice-versa, then maybe it's meant to be.

Either way, good luck to you!

 

[digitaldude5]

So... I'm kinda pissed and depressed.

He ended up coming over on Wednesday night for a little while after ditching his friends. He came up in the elevator with me, we made small talk and rubbed up against me totally boned up when I went to unlock the door. We started messing around, rubbing through clothes and all that. We put some porn on and just fooled around. I took out a flavoured condom and decided to suck him off. I don't know what went on exactly, we messed around, I deepthroated him a few times and eventually finished him off by jerking him off more than sucking. I cleaned us up and he said he had to run, so he got dressed and left, with little more than a "Thanks, that was fun."

So, I eagerly awaited his return last night... but he never showed up. I ended up falling asleep watching TV and was kinda pissed when I woke up. He hasn't been online or in contact since... which sucks.

 

[Riverrick]

Who knows what's going through his head. He could feel remorse and guilt, he could be afraid of getting too close to you (ie relationship), or maybe he's just not horny now and doesn't see any need to call you.

Keep in mind that he's probably in it just for the sex.

 

[rareboy]

Ohhhh I could see this coming, as it were. When I read the original posts, I thought that you were setting yourself up for this.

Y'know what? Leave him be and go out and get laid somewhere else. I think that his supposed reticence to reciprocate is rooted in control as much a anything else. I think he is manipulating you at this point and frankly, if it were me, I'd rather just use my own hand than be used by someone else.