Should I go one the 2nd date??

[Allstar]

Okay so a little back story I met this guy at a club on Thursday, his name is Derek. I danced with him and he was really cool so i gave him my number when he asked me to. Since then we've been texting and i've gotten to know him a bit better. Right off the bat there were things i didn't like (He smokes, likes to drink and party, doesn't go to school but he works) but I felt i had to give him a chance so i went out with him to the movies. He was really sweet and seemed to have all the right moves, and i liked that, but still things came up that bothered me (He talked about how he had sex a bunch of times before and failed high school etc..). I really like him but i can't see myself being in a committed relationship with someone that constantly drinks, parties, smokes, has sex, etc... i'm more of a responsible person. He wants to go out again but i don't know if i want to, part of me does but the other part says don't waste your time and his... our date went really well so i don't even know how i would turn him down?

Any advice would help...

 

[cinbengals2010]

I say go for it... U could be a positive influence on him. But just be careful.

 

[Lube]

I'm confused. How did the date go really well if you have nothing in common? He's a dropout partier and you're a self-described responsible person.

What do you have in common? Is he just really hot? LOL

 

[Treborf]

You don't have to marry the guy. If you had fun, try it again and see where it leads.

 

[Allstar]

I'm confused. How did the date go really well if you have nothing in common? He's a dropout partier and you're a self-described responsible person.

What do you have in common? Is he just really hot? LOL

well he was really sweet, he brought me roses, paid for the whole date and conversation was good. I know i'm not going to marry him but if he likes to party so much and i don't i can already see problems coming with him wanting to drink and party and me wanting to go home or something

 

[Lube]

well he was really sweet, he brought me roses, paid for the whole date and conversation was good. I know i'm not going to marry him but if he likes to party so much and i don't i can already see problems coming with him wanting to drink and party and me wanting to go home or something

Wow! How many gay guys get that?!

He sounds pretty impressive, in that respect.

Maybe you should give him a chance. Sometimes people party a lot because they have a void in their lives. If he's willing to shower all this goodness on you, maybe he just needs someone good in his life.

I think he deserves a deeper look.

 

[jaysizzles]

You met him at a club and have had 1 date... a pretty good date at that. He likes you and you like him but now you want to break it off because he doesn't fit your perfect image of relationship material. Uhm....why are you talking relationship already? You barely know him.

I say date him...have fun...keep it casual. Get to know him better and then make a decision as to whether or not to commit to a relationship. Sometimes the perfect guy doesn't fit the preconceived image of who we think we want.

 

[Chimoru]

I hope you don't think you can go into this and change him. Not saying that he WON'T change, you just can't MAKE him change. Keep him around as a friend for the time being, get a better feel about his personality. He may not even WANT a relationship. Some boys will date you just to keep you as an "option" or as a "fuck buddy".

But if he DOES want a relationship and he WANTS to make changes, then yeah, maybe you can help him. But if he's cool the way he is, you're going to have to decide what you will and won't put up with to make this work, or if it even will. It's called "Paying the Price of Admission"

Realistically, the amount of things that you ABSOLUTELY won't put up with, you should be able to count on one hand. If you have this gigantic list of no-nos, in my opinion, you're being unrealistic. It also sounds like the guy might just looking for stability, and even after you help "fix him up a bit", he may decide to just go look elsewhere. That's happened to myself and friends quite a few times... If you insist on asking him to make a few changes, you'll have to change a bit too for him. This isn't a one way street. You want him to quit smoking, what will you change? You want him to stop partying so much? What will YOU cut down on? Stuff like that. Nobody's perfect. Find out if there's anything about you that he may not be so hot on. It's all a compromise.

 

[ericwhitney]

I hate that early dating, judging time. How about getting to know him by inviting him to do some things with you - that don't invite him giving you flowers and buying dinner. go with some friends to the beach. definitely go to a party with him - there's partying and there's partying. see what he's like. once you actually know him, as opposed to the cleaned up dating version of him, you might have enough information to know if you want to pursue things further. assuming he feels the same way.

 

[Allstar]

I hope you don't think you can go into this and change him. Not saying that he WON'T change, you just can't MAKE him change. Keep him around as a friend for the time being, get a better feel about his personality. He may not even WANT a relationship. Some boys will date you just to keep you as an "option" or as a "fuck buddy".

But if he DOES want a relationship and he WANTS to make changes, then yeah, maybe you can help him. But if he's cool the way he is, you're going to have to decide what you will and won't put up with to make this work, or if it even will. It's called "Paying the Price of Admission"

Realistically, the amount of things that you ABSOLUTELY won't put up with, you should be able to count on one hand. If you have this gigantic list of no-nos, in my opinion, you're being unrealistic. It also sounds like the guy might just looking for stability, and even after you help "fix him up a bit", he may decide to just go look elsewhere. That's happened to myself and friends quite a few times... If you insist on asking him to make a few changes, you'll have to change a bit too for him. This isn't a one way street. You want him to quit smoking, what will you change? You want him to stop partying so much? What will YOU cut down on? Stuff like that. Nobody's perfect. Find out if there's anything about you that he may not be so hot on. It's all a compromise.

Exactly, i don't want to have to change someone if i'm dating them. I want to like the person, flaws and all. I know that he's gonna want to be partying and drinking a lot and that's just not my thing so i'm just gonna tell him we are both want different things and i think it would be better if we just stayed as friends.

 

[Willie Boy]

If he has the money to party and drink all the time and still pick up the tab on the date, he must have a decent job. Are you sure he dropped out? Did he get his GED, maybe?

I say give him a chance, if you guys have fun and enjoy each other's company why not? Its not like you have to commit (till death do us part) to a long term relationship before taking the time to get to know him.

 

[Allstar]

If he has the money to party and drink all the time and still pick up the tab on the date, he must have a decent job. Are you sure he dropped out? Did he get his GED, maybe?

I say give him a chance, if you guys have fun and enjoy each other's company why not? Its not like you have to commit (till death do us part) to a long term relationship before taking the time to get to know him.

His senior year of high school he was failing every class except for one which he had a C in. He didn't go to college and instead started working in a fast food restaurant. i just don't see him as having a chance with me, i try not to be picky but i like sweet, mature, responsible guys, he has the "sweet" part down now all he needs is to be a bit more goal oriented instead of just working and clubbing.

 

[KaraBulut]

Your mother probably warned you about hanging out with the wrong people.

Your mother was right. You can do better.

Should I go one the 2nd date??

No.