Should I go to therapy?

[ahunt83]

I've been reading over a few of the threads here and it seems quite a few people go to therapists and I'm wondering what you guys views are on them?

I've come to accept that I am gay but I'm only out to my best girl mate (the safest person to come out too) and I keep telling myself that I don't need to come out to anyone else. I just keep thinking about all the bad things that could happen and convince myself I'm best this way.

I thought that was fine but recently I've started to fel that life has no purpose, I suppose it's a kind of hollow feeling. It's not like I'm suicidal or anything but at the same time that I cannot see a reason to end it I also cannot see a reason to live it. I'm just in a kind of limbo and I'm thinking a shrink may help but I'm English and we don't normally do therapy. Actually we usually talk to friends but only one knows the situation and she's not the kind of person you can have a deep conversation with.

 

[Blueyes]

yeah i know what you mean about that hollow feeling, I used to have very mild depression a few years ago and I saw a therapist for maybe a month or two. just to have someone to talk to is great. I never came out to my therapist (I hadnt fully accepted myself as gay at that point) but it s probably a good idea if you feel comfortable with that since a lot of your anxiety is probably coming from being in the closet

( I am still in the closet myself but i plan on coming out to one of my girl friends next week or sometime soon)

 

[sanguiremoon]

I can't tell you what to do, because I have struggled with the same line of reasoning myself... however there are many reasons life is worth living. I don't know if you are a spiritual person or not, but you have a unique opportunity to bring benefit to yourself and to others. Your friends and family depend upon you and love you, so how kind of you it is to be around for them. Afterall, all the happiness we experince in this life depends upon the relationships we cultivate with others. Without others there would be no opportunity to give, develop compassion and love, or practice patience...all the things we know that make us happy. This extends not only to people you know but also to strangers and even enemies. When you keep a happy mind and peace in your heart you can have a profound effect on others... you become a source of happiness for others.

But as far as therapists are concerned... and mind you this is only my opinion... they are just as deluded and flawed as everyone else... I have a real problem entrusting my problems to someone who has the same problems I have...I have a therapist friend, trust me on this.. the only thing they can do for you is help you vent, be someone you can talk to confidentially and perhaps prescribe you medications which will only help curb your symptoms... its not a real cure for your real problems... I'm certainly not saying it will not help, but its important to remember that its only a temporary solution and therapists can only offer you a coping mechanism. Pills will not fill the emptiness inside, nor will venting...But yes, if you think it will be beneficial then I would say go see a therapist.

The best advise I can offer.. and I am certainly no authority, but have been practicing for many years and have genuine experience in the subject... is to learn to meditate.. science is just now discovering its good for you when yogis and other meditation practitioners have known this for 1000's of years... meditation is a tool which uses the mind to examine and heal the mind... its just a thought and you're welcome to take it or leave it... but I certainly wouldn't be here today if not for experience, fulfillment, and happiness I've developed through meditation.

 

[looseliam]

If you're looking for them to 'fix' you, it's not going to work.

If you're looking for them to help you help yourself, it'll be a benefit.

 

[Elwood]

Well therapy really helped me. However do not go into therapy expecting them to find answers for you. They will help you come to your own conclusions. Therapy is work. Like I said therapy worked out excellent for me, however I went in wanting to change and therapy just helped me make my choices and how to go about them. I would recommend therapy to people because it was really a positive experience for me.

 

[123kid]

If you're looking for them to 'fix' you, it's not going to work.

If you're looking for them to help you help yourself, it'll be a benefit.

this could not have been said any better. First, and foremost seeking therapy is one of the best things anyone can do gay, straight, single, married, black, white, it doesn't matter. we all have things in life we need to vent on. There are things in life we should take advantage of and these are one of them.

 

[drhladnjak]

I've found that therapists are fairly good at helping you find out what's wrong, but only you can really fix yourself. That said, you need to figure out what's wrong before you can fix it.

 

[swerve]

Well...

I'm going to give you a "what can happen" response...

And this happened to me...

When I was 18 I was in a serious car accident that resulted in 3 MAJOR brain surgeries -- I am very lucky to be alive today...

One of the medications (that they though I would have to take for the rest of my life) required a new prescription every 3 months...

Since the Neurologist was WAY TOO expensive (and busy) I was to see a psychologist (or psychiatrist -- I get the two mixed up) for the prescriptions -- She saw me every 3 months but made me see a therapist in her office every month....

You would think this would also help in other areas of my life -- SO....

I went along with it...

A couple of years into it -- my "therapist" had to leave the office during my session for an "emergency"... Said he'd be back in 5 to 15 minutes...

Welll...

Me being me....

I figured that I FINALLY had the chance to see what he had been writing all that time...

It was UNBELIEVABLE!!!!

Amongst a BUNCH of Bullshit (I can't even remember it all) he said I was "hearing voices in my head from what I thought were my siblings" and "Had major problems with religion in my current situation -- possibly delusional as if God were speaking to me".....JUST ABSOLUTELY INSANE!!!!!

Trust me...

I ONLY here my siblings voices when they call me; or, we're visiting...

I'm NOT crazy....

I NEVER went back and went off the drug (Neorontin) completely...

I've never suffered any side affects (to date) and actually feel BETTER than when I was on the drug....

Now I'm sure that MOST therapists (at least I hope) would actually TRY to help you rather than make it look like on paper that you were a HUGE mess that THEY solved...

Anyways...

Just another side to what has already been posted...

 

[dunno260]

I would recommend it, but recognize that if you aren't getting anything out of therapy, that its not a condemnation of you. Getting a good therapist is a lot like making friends, you have to have someone you are comfortable with, trust, and are confident in.

 

[degavas]

I have been wanting to see a therapist for sometime now, just don't know how to ask the parentals without them picking at the reason or thinking i'm crazy...

 

[SilverRRCloud]

There is no genuine reason for anyone to live at all, unless he or she determines that one or the other particular set of reasons makes life worth living.

If you feel that you need a therapist, you may get one. However, make sure that you understand that therapists do not hold the secrets of any of life mysteries.

It is really up to you to tell yourself that you want to go on living, because you want to:

#1
Enjoy happiness and joy of love.
#2
Help the others, whose lot might be worse than yours.
#3
See your detractors defeated and yourself victorious.
#4
Be granted the right to write your own definition of happiness.

SC

 

[luminum]

If you think a therapist can help you, are you going to let what the English usually do and don't do stop you from working things out and enjoying the one life you were given?

 

[MindBlast]

A good friend will help you more than any therapist ever could, unless you need prescription drugs for some severe brain issues.

 

[rareboy]

See your family doctor and review this with him first. Your problems may by physiological in origin. At the same time check out whether any of the gay groups in your area have a list of counsellors they can recommend.

You also might consider throwing open the closet door and living the life you were given rather than being depressed and closeted.

As always, I will recommend that if you think there is no purpose to your life, find a volunteer activity where you can devote some time and effort to helping others. You'd be amazed at how many people find themselves through this.

 

[tallguy297]

Hey mate,

You know...the most important thing in your life...is you. A happy relaxed contented and proud you. Someone that truly can accept who he is and knows all the good that makes you up, that you are someone who loves, feels compassion, sorrow, someone who can support and nurture but most of all someone worthy of pursuing happiness. Because mate...thats who you are first and foremost. A beautiful individual soul whos potential is untapped.

And really how you go about realizing that is as personal a thing as your coming out process or any other decision you make in your life.

The most important thing you can do mate is pursue your happiness....and if that means a therapist then go for it...and damn the naysayers. You realizing your own self worth is not selfish or stupid. Its about you wanting to be all you can be, for yourself and those around you who love and cherish you.

You just have to understand mate that you are worth the effort. Whether its a therapist or the ear of good friends, you need to be honest and open with yourself and whoever it is you trust and talk to. Use the courage and strength that let you come out to your friend to look inside you and really question what you feel. Having fear and doubts, a feeling of being lost or alone doesnt make you weak or wrong...it makes you human. It lets you know that you can feel..that you can love.

Your embarking a journey here...one of self discovery. Coming out, accpeting that you are gay...those are huge steps that you should feel proud of taking. And its natural to feel drained from finding the determination to free yourself from lies and hiding.

Just take your time...recharge. And if you want, talk to someone about how you feel. Because ultimately mate thats what you'll be doing. Talking about the real you...the you thats been hidden for so long. And no matter who its with...thats something worth talking about. You are worth talking about.

Take that step mate. Start walking towards your own happiness. Its what you deserve.

 

[luminum]

A good friend will help you more than any therapist ever could, unless you need prescription drugs for some severe brain issues.

I don't think that's necessarily true. Sometimes, having the perspective of someone who knows little about you intimately or who you know little about is necessary.

 

[ahunt83]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'm aware that a therapist won't give me the answers to all life's questions but I like the idea of having someone to talk everything through with. Someone I can tell my secrets too without having to worry that they get out.

I think it sounds like a good to try therapy out, I can always stop going if I find it's a poblem and I've found a decent therapist nearby who specalised in indentity issues and sexuality.

Thank again for all the advice.

 

[tallguy297]

Good for you mate...go for it!

 

[dunno260]

I have been wanting to see a therapist for sometime now, just don't know how to ask the parentals without them picking at the reason or thinking i'm crazy...

Depression is always a good one to throw out. Its the most common mental illness and probably has the least amount of stigma associated with it.

As for the help of a good friend, I disagree. I think having a good friend is important and vital, but don't have the professional training of a psychologist or even a social worker nor the experience in dealing with various issues. That said, a good friend is invaluable.

 

[drhladnjak]

Thanks for all the advice guys. I'm aware that a therapist won't give me the answers to all life's questions but I like the idea of having someone to talk everything through with. Someone I can tell my secrets too without having to worry that they get out.

(emphasis added by me)

This is probably the best reason I can think of for seeing a therapist. You (or your insurance) is paying that person to listen to you and not tell anybody else.

For degavas: From what you've written it sounds like you'd need to tell your parents in order to get them or their insurance to pay for the therapy. If you're concerned, many therapists will work a deal with you at a price you can afford. There are also free clinics that can refer you to a therapist at a discounted rate. Also be aware that many health insurance policies don't pay all that much for mental health services, so it might be worth looking into what you or your parents will have to pay out of pocket before telling them in order to get insurance coverage.