Should i just ..END IT ?

[ben9651]

Okay so i`m starting to sound like a broken record with all of these sucky relationships .. i mean, is it me?? again,i`ll appreciate any feedback .

So .. i had another post about a Canadian guy that i had met about a month ago.. we chatted online for a couple of weeks before and he`s been sleepin at my place for almost a month .. we had crazy times .. lots of fun..drinkin..partying..sex..!

He left Canada beucz his one-year visa expired .. but he did apply for immigration before he left.. so its pending.He had a boyfriend there for almost a year.. and he didnt break up with him..they had/have a great relationship obviously (i kinda peeked into his skype conv. which he had and still have while he`s here .. ) basically it had a lot of "i love u"`s .. " i miss you" .. "my husband " ... wait what??? ..
i didnt say anything to him about it .. and whenever i bring up the subject about his bf/x-bf in Canada .. he always ignores the subject by saying that maybe he wont even come back there becuz of his visa ...he`s not married to the guy but he obviously loves him to that point.
So here i am .. wondering .. confused .. lost.. like what the hell am i doing?
I`m in a thing that not gonna last for more than a year most likely .. its outta my hands!
should i just bail ?!?!i hate to get too attached to this guy and even in love with him and next thing you know .. he`s flying out . its kind of a dead end!

 

[Rolyo85]

Wait, wut? You were fooling around with someone who is in a relationship?

 

[ben9651]

His boyfriend or ex boyfriend is still in Canada.
and he said that they were`nt or aren`t really together.dunno .. i`m confused!

 

[HunterM]

If you want more out of this relationship than just a fuck buddy, then get out and find someone else...because it aint' happening with him.

By having sex with you even he himself knew all along he has a boyfriend or husband in Canada, is this someone you really want to invest more emotional energy in (other than just a fuck buddy)?

If you are looking for a long term exclusive comitted monogamous relationship with him (let's say he got his visa renewed), do you think he won't be cheating on you behind your back...like he's doing with his Canadian boyfriend/husband?

A relationship does not last if there's no trust and respect from all parties involved.

 

[Rolyo85]

Also, you were helping him cheat which in my book is the same as cheating itself. So a good idea would be to find something that doesn't compromise your morals, which you expressed so strongly in this topic...

 

[ben9651]

huffffff.. it just hit me.. i didnt really think about it.
i have some thinking to do!

 

[TX-Beau]

OK I'm a little confused with your story.

So you are dating this Canadian guy who told you he wasn't dating someone else, then you look at his chats and it sounds like he is (don't spy on people by the way.) Then he went? is going? back to Canada all the while telling you he might not even come back?

Yeah.

SO, commitments are an either/or thing, either he is free or allowed to play around, or he's not. There is no "kinda," commited when it comes to sexual monogamy.

What the hell are you doing?

If it was me, there'd be no confusion about hanging around for this.

 

[mbamike]

huffffff.. it just hit me.. i didnt really think about it.
i have some thinking to do!

Glad you figured it out!

 

[ben9651]

He did tell me he was dating someone else but he didnt really say whether they broke up or not . he just said that they "didnt talk about it ".

UPDATE ::::
so he came to my place yesterday kinda late .. we were supposed to have dinner but we didnt .. i didnt eat anything all day .. and i had already had 2 beers .. he came .. he knew that i was mad.. but i didnt say anything.
we were gonna sleep lying in bed.. then i blew up .. i said " i dont think this is gonna work"
he said : "what"
"this": I replied
he asked : " you and me? "
I answered "yea"
then i started talkin about how he`s still with his boyfriend from canada and that i`m just the guy who`s he`s cheating on his bf with!
and then he started hugging me and saying that its not like that and that he doesnt even know if he will go back there and that i have it all wrong. but then i asked .. if i`m wrong .. then tell me the truth!
Obviously he didnt know what to say .. and he just said that he doesn`t even know himself and that they didnt talk about it and that when u have someone for a year ..you share great memories and its not that easy!
So ..we kept talkin .. goin back and forth .. but we\I didnt decide anything .. we just left it off and went to bed. SO BACK TO SQUARE ONE! I have noooooo idea what to do ..

 

[ben9651]

Oh and he said that i`m just being overly-dramatic and that i`m starting an argument over nothing! huh?!?!?

 

[uslad7]

He did tell me he was dating someone else but he didnt really say whether they broke up or not . he just said that they "didnt talk about it ".

UPDATE ::::
so he came to my place yesterday kinda late .. we were supposed to have dinner but we didnt .. i didnt eat anything all day .. and i had already had 2 beers .. he came .. he knew that i was mad.. but i didnt say anything.
we were gonna sleep lying in bed.. then i blew up .. i said " i dont think this is gonna work"
he said : "what"
"this": I replied
he asked : " you and me? "
I answered "yea"
then i started talkin about how he`s still with his boyfriend from canada and that i`m just the guy who`s he`s cheating on his bf with!
and then he started hugging me and saying that its not like that and that he doesnt even know if he will go back there and that i have it all wrong. but then i asked .. if i`m wrong .. then tell me the truth!
Obviously he didnt know what to say .. and he just said that he doesn`t even know himself and that they didnt talk about it and that when u have someone for a year ..you share great memories and its not that easy!
So ..we kept talkin .. goin back and forth .. but weI didnt decide anything .. we just left it off and went to bed. SO BACK TO SQUARE ONE! I have noooooo idea what to do ..

You're use of ` instead of ' throws me off often

If he's writing one thing to the guy on Skype and saying something completely different to you, then he's lying either to him or to you.

In either case, he's still a liar.

 

[MoltenRock III]

Oh and he said that i`m just being overly-dramatic and that i`m starting an argument over nothing! huh?!?!?

You deserve better, dump the freeloader!

 

[HunterM]

^ Yep. Dump him. That's what you need to do.

 

[Seasoned]

How many young people can go through life without sex? The thing is there's a disconnect between what he's told you and what you've read. It sounds like he's situationally monogamous but unwilling to admit it. Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with a limited term boyfriend as long as you both have the same understanding. I don't understand how anyone would expect him to be faithful to someone whom he may never see again. The issue is that he'd rather not go looking for it every night and that he's keeping at least two fires going.

Have a conversation with him over a coffee or soft drinks away from home and the bedroom.

 

[ben9651]

I always start a conv about it .. and he always ends it!
and we dont accomplish anything!!!
i tried twice already .. about to try again..

 

[BiMike]

He clearly likes the present situation! The problem is do you ? The answer lies with you, do you want to continue this sort of FB situation? The ball is in your court! BTW he probably loves yours

 

[ben9651]

so i tried again .. and again nothing .. same things .. and he said that we keep talkin about the same thing for nothing and that he told me everything that he knows .. and then he asked me ... "do u love me ? " .. i replied "no?".. and then he said .. " ok, good". WTF!

 

[uslad7]

so i tried again .. and again nothing .. same things .. and he said that we keep talkin about the same thing for nothing and that he told me everything that he knows .. and then he asked me ... "do u love me ? " .. i replied "no?".. and then he said .. " ok, good". WTF!

Ben.

Break up. Move on.

 

[HunterM]

Follow his advice.

Ben.

Break up. Move on.

 

[Croynan]

Oh and he said that i`m just being overly-dramatic and that i`m starting an argument over nothing! huh?!?!?

he just told you all you need to know about him, to make a sensible decision.

eM/