Should I just give up on him?

[SilverWolf]

So I have this friend. We talked on aim for a while but now he just stops talking . We were previously friends with benefits, but we have gone our separate ways. Basically now he considers himself "straight". I want to stay in touch with him even if its not for sex, but I see him less and less on aim and when we do talk he rarely responds. I'm considering just giving up on this, but if I stop talking to him that limits my friends down to two with only one that I actually talk to fairly often so I really don't want to do that. Should I try and somehow make him want to talk to me? Or should I just accept that I am currently down to two friends?

 

[BAMA32]

Option C: Make some more/new friends!

 

[G-Lexington]

Hate to be the one to break it to you, but you're already down to two. A guy who doesn't respond when you talk to him has many terms, but "friend" ain't one of them. This guy appears to be a major dead end, so stop flogging that dead horse and find yourself someone you CAN talk to.

Lex

 

[stiletto]

He's already made the decision for you, there's nothing you can do. Look elsewhere.

 

[Horschallen]

Diversify yourself among different circles and make more new friends. Best of luck!

 

[SilverWolf]

*sigh* I was afraid this would be the responses. While I agree with all of them, I really hoped I could pretend I still had a chance with him, but now I see I'm going nowhere with him. Thank you for advice and opinions guys.

 

[spencer]

So I have this friend. We talked on aim for a while but now he just stops talking . We were previously friends with benefits, but we have gone our separate ways. Basically now he considers himself "straight". I want to stay in touch with him even if its not for sex, but I see him less and less on aim and when we do talk he rarely responds. I'm considering just giving up on this, but if I stop talking to him that limits my friends down to two with only one that I actually talk to fairly often so I really don't want to do that. Should I try and somehow make him want to talk to me? Or should I just accept that I am currently down to two friends?

Have you been frank to him?

Hey John, haven't heard from you in awhile. I know we had a past and went our own ways, but I still like to continue being just friends. You are and important part of my life, blah blah. We should make plans to hang out soon!

And then if he doesn't respond its definitely over.

 

[TX-Beau]

I have to respectfully disagree, If he "considers himself straight," and then dumped you, there's no point in trying to be in his life until he gets over that. You'll just set yourself up for more rejection. His issue, not yours. You can't solve it for him.

 

[TaigaStar]

Letting a friend go is really hard (believe me, I've done it far too often). You could just talk to him on AIM or even call him up, and tell him the truth--you want to be his friend, even if it's without the benefits, and that you feel like he's grown distant as a friend. See what he says: if he responds, you'll have an honest answer; if he says nothing, he's moved on and doesn't want you with him as a friend. This doesn't mean it's permanent, but if he's figuring out his own way, he needs to find his friendship with you again, too.

 

[spencer]

I have to respectfully disagree, If he "considers himself straight," and then dumped you, there's no point in trying to be in his life until he gets over that. You'll just set yourself up for more rejection. His issue, not yours. You can't solve it for him.

do friends with benefits stop being friends when there are no longer benefits?

are you considered dumped when the other party no longer wants the benefits?

I don't know, I've never had fwb, but it sounds strange to me if the answer to both those questions is yes. that would be more like a relationship.

 

[TX-Beau]

If he's decided he wants to be straight and is ignoring you, what can you say that's going to change his mind?

If he had said no more sex, but we can still be friends that's one thing, but that's not what's happening here.

 

[CudDULL]

Yes give up because its not going to go anywhere. No matter how much you want a person to change they wont do it on your accord.

 

[SilverWolf]

After I thought this thread was dead, more advice and opinions comes in. Thanks guys!!

do friends with benefits stop being friends when there are no longer benefits?

are you considered dumped when the other party no longer wants the benefits?

I don't know, I've never had fwb, but it sounds strange to me if the answer to both those questions is yes. that would be more like a relationship.

Fwb normally continue being friends I think. However he is different in that the basis of this friendship was sex. We really don't have that much in common otherwise. So I would assume since he is no longer interested in sex, he doesn't fell a particularly strong bond or attachment to me or a desire to keep this friendship up.

Letting a friend go is really hard (believe me, I've done it far too often). You could just talk to him on AIM or even call him up, and tell him the truth--you want to be his friend, even if it's without the benefits, and that you feel like he's grown distant as a friend. See what he says: if he responds, you'll have an honest answer; if he says nothing, he's moved on and doesn't want you with him as a friend. This doesn't mean it's permanent, but if he's figuring out his own way, he needs to find his friendship with you again, too.

I tried doing this but he never responds on aim. Out of the past 5 times we talked, only one was a conversation. The rest is just me saying hi with no response from him. I would like to call him, but he told me that he cannot have his phone on and take calls during work and I don't know what other time I should call him because he works days and nights frequently.

If he's decided he wants to be straight and is ignoring you, what can you say that's going to change his mind?

If he had said no more sex, but we can still be friends that's one thing, but that's not what's happening here.

He did not say no more sex but we can be friends, we never got that far in the conversation before he stops responding. Normally it's me saying hi. No response. Two months later, I say hi again when I see him online. No response. The last time we talked we somehow ended talking about who we like and he said he was straight. I have not heard from his since. I have seen him online once but no response.

Yes give up because its not going to go anywhere. No matter how much you want a person to change they wont do it on your accord.

I think you are right.