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Should i let my friends know i'm gay?
- Thread starter TX-Beau
- Start date
racer2438
JUB Addict
you should let them what ever you want, at the time that you feel you are ready to tell them. W/o pressure and or guilt.
attallaborn
Slut
Believe it or not, people (including your friends) probably already know you're gay.. The thing is, accepting the elephant in the room by ignoring the fact versus it all being out in the open, which could ruin relationships and cause awkwardness..
Depending on where you live and the cultural acceptance of such an alternative lifestyle (trust me, I live in a so called gay mecca and it is still taboo to be gay) you might want to avoid telling anyone you are gay.. Also, I thought coming out would help me love life but sadly it has not. Open gay men seem not to be interested in anyone but themselves and their already established friends, which makes dating or meeting people nearly impossible.
If it makes you feel bad or like your hiding something, don't DENY if asked are you gay but don't voluntarily admit that you are either. The last thing you want is to be talked about behind your back, excluded, avoided and discriminated against for being who you are which all these things are heightened by open sexuality that is NOT hetero ... Don't do it.
Depending on where you live and the cultural acceptance of such an alternative lifestyle (trust me, I live in a so called gay mecca and it is still taboo to be gay) you might want to avoid telling anyone you are gay.. Also, I thought coming out would help me love life but sadly it has not. Open gay men seem not to be interested in anyone but themselves and their already established friends, which makes dating or meeting people nearly impossible.
If it makes you feel bad or like your hiding something, don't DENY if asked are you gay but don't voluntarily admit that you are either. The last thing you want is to be talked about behind your back, excluded, avoided and discriminated against for being who you are which all these things are heightened by open sexuality that is NOT hetero ... Don't do it.
Hey Para0402. 
I want to touch on some things not mentioned by others, but first... I don't think anyone can really tell you what you should do. When you come out it needs to be your decision, because you have to be prepared to accept the consequences. No one really knows how it's going to turn out until it happens. For some people it is easy and goes great, for others it is hard and goes horrible. For most it is a mixed bag, and you have to be prepared to accept the good with the bad. As a result, it is important for YOU to make the decision, and for YOU to be comfortable with it.
Now that you mention the country you're speaking of is Malaysia you need to be made aware of some of its laws. When you are dealing with your sexuality and foreign countries (even your home country!) it is important to be aware of the laws that work in your favor and against you. Unfortunately, there are some laws in Malaysia that are going to work against you.
Here are some things that may concern you, and you should keep in your mind:
1. Malaysia has a criminal ban on sodomy (which includes oral sex). It is punishable by fines, prison sentences of up to twenty years, and corporal punishment.
2. In 1994, the government banned anyone who is homosexual, bisexual or transsexual from appearing on the state controlled media.
3. In 2010, the Malaysian Film Censorship Board announced it would only allow depiction of homosexual characters as long as the characters repent or die.
(Information obtained from Wikipedia.)
You may wish to keep this in mind if it will have an impact on what you're attempting to achieve. I know it can be painful to realize that the law is not only actively working against you, but out right oppressing and criminalizing you. However, you need to be made aware of it so it can factor into your decision.
Best of luck.
I want to touch on some things not mentioned by others, but first... I don't think anyone can really tell you what you should do. When you come out it needs to be your decision, because you have to be prepared to accept the consequences. No one really knows how it's going to turn out until it happens. For some people it is easy and goes great, for others it is hard and goes horrible. For most it is a mixed bag, and you have to be prepared to accept the good with the bad. As a result, it is important for YOU to make the decision, and for YOU to be comfortable with it.
Now that you mention the country you're speaking of is Malaysia you need to be made aware of some of its laws. When you are dealing with your sexuality and foreign countries (even your home country!) it is important to be aware of the laws that work in your favor and against you. Unfortunately, there are some laws in Malaysia that are going to work against you.
Here are some things that may concern you, and you should keep in your mind:
1. Malaysia has a criminal ban on sodomy (which includes oral sex). It is punishable by fines, prison sentences of up to twenty years, and corporal punishment.
2. In 1994, the government banned anyone who is homosexual, bisexual or transsexual from appearing on the state controlled media.
3. In 2010, the Malaysian Film Censorship Board announced it would only allow depiction of homosexual characters as long as the characters repent or die.
(Information obtained from Wikipedia.)
You may wish to keep this in mind if it will have an impact on what you're attempting to achieve. I know it can be painful to realize that the law is not only actively working against you, but out right oppressing and criminalizing you. However, you need to be made aware of it so it can factor into your decision.
Best of luck.
Ganoderma
JUB Addict
hi Para0402,
Your profile indicates that you are 20, and I have an idea that the photo is a pic of yourself.
I have never been in Malaysia, but I have visited several other countries with a predominant muslim culture. I tend to think that your friends somehow also will be aware that there are gay people, and also in Malaysia.
I also tend to think that people who are much into music, videographing, photographing (etc.), so you and your friends, will be aware that there are quite a few gay people in the 'entertaining industry', and that this will also be the case in Malaysia (and its surrounding countries). But I also tend to think that the 'gay scene' (whatever that is), is much less open then in, eg, the UK (so where you are right now residing).
There are ofcourse many gay people in big cities in Malyasia (like KL), and there will also be some sort of gay clubs (or whatever) where gay people will meet each other. But all will be much less obvious as in the UK. So with a low profile. More or less something like 'don't ask, don't tell', and its not anyone's business what you do with people (males) in a private area behind closed doors (so in your own house).
So I would not bother too much. There are no rules at all you should tell people you are gay, and there are also no rules you should let the whole world know that you have a male partner. So definately no need to use a microphone and tell anyone you are gay. Straight guys also don't do this, so why should you need to do this.
So you told us "And if anyone asks, yea i'll tell them. But if it doesn't come up, i won't say anything.", and I think this is a very good idea. You told us that one of your friends is a muslim, but what does that mean to him? I mean, is he a very, very religous fundamentalist?
You will be aware that there are a large variety of christians living in the UK, ranging from homofobe fundamental ones to very liberal ones who strongly support same-sex marriage, and where their church is supporting a religious same-sex marriage cermony. And the same is ofcourse true for muslims.
Best wishes, and feel free to ask for further advice.
Your profile indicates that you are 20, and I have an idea that the photo is a pic of yourself.
I have never been in Malaysia, but I have visited several other countries with a predominant muslim culture. I tend to think that your friends somehow also will be aware that there are gay people, and also in Malaysia.
I also tend to think that people who are much into music, videographing, photographing (etc.), so you and your friends, will be aware that there are quite a few gay people in the 'entertaining industry', and that this will also be the case in Malaysia (and its surrounding countries). But I also tend to think that the 'gay scene' (whatever that is), is much less open then in, eg, the UK (so where you are right now residing).
There are ofcourse many gay people in big cities in Malyasia (like KL), and there will also be some sort of gay clubs (or whatever) where gay people will meet each other. But all will be much less obvious as in the UK. So with a low profile. More or less something like 'don't ask, don't tell', and its not anyone's business what you do with people (males) in a private area behind closed doors (so in your own house).
So I would not bother too much. There are no rules at all you should tell people you are gay, and there are also no rules you should let the whole world know that you have a male partner. So definately no need to use a microphone and tell anyone you are gay. Straight guys also don't do this, so why should you need to do this.
So you told us "And if anyone asks, yea i'll tell them. But if it doesn't come up, i won't say anything.", and I think this is a very good idea. You told us that one of your friends is a muslim, but what does that mean to him? I mean, is he a very, very religous fundamentalist?
You will be aware that there are a large variety of christians living in the UK, ranging from homofobe fundamental ones to very liberal ones who strongly support same-sex marriage, and where their church is supporting a religious same-sex marriage cermony. And the same is ofcourse true for muslims.
Best wishes, and feel free to ask for further advice.
If you think telling them will just put further stress on you, then wait until it's done.
If telling them will relieve you of the stress, I say go for it! Just think of a smart approach that won't seem too shocking to them!
Good luck!
If telling them will relieve you of the stress, I say go for it! Just think of a smart approach that won't seem too shocking to them!
Good luck!
Get them to talk about homo sexuality. If they are your friend thy would accept it since it doesn't change everything. I was relieved when I told it. It in still in shock
I think striking up a serious conversation about homosexuality is a great idea, to know where they stand.
Straight guys and lesbians... They either love em or hate em and we all know why, lol
No problem I'm happy I could help you out