Should I move out of my parents?

[aznboi90]

Hi guys, I'm in need of some help and advice. As of yesterday, I moved out to my best friends for the time being (it'll be just for a few days) until I move out to some place near school.

My parents and I have not got along ever since my older brother outted me. Things got so much more complicated. To sum up what had happened last year in a nutshell, I withdrew from college for a quarter, found a part-time job, left my parents and moved out with my boyfriend who is now my ex. Then, move back home with my parents. I just moved back in with them just two weeks ago. My mom and older brother pushed my buttons to the point where I wanted to leave, they provoked me, and I wanted to leave so bad. I ran upstairs and then packed my things, then asked my best friend to pick me up. To make things worse, my family is hardcore religious (Catholics). She wishes me death every day so that I don't sin anymore. She's always around to nag me. I understand that its her house and her rules. But she cannot just take over my life, controlling me, telling me what to do and what not to do. I'm so fed up. I'm actually paying for my own things! My cellphone bill, gas, and books. The only thing that she is doing for me is just giving me a place to stay and cook for me. I understand that she's helping me because she's my mom, but she can't keep hurting me (emotionally and mentally). Don't get me wrong, I love my mom so much. I just don't know what to do.

Just after yesterday, when I moved out, she called my cousin to let me know that my mom wants me to come back home and that she would let me hang out with my friends. She said she wouldn't complain if I were to be hanging out with friends, my GAY friends. Basically, I could do whatever I want. BUT, there's a catch to it... I can't be hooking up with guys OR get serious and be in a relationship with a guy. It's not like I hook up with guys all the time. I only had one boyfriend. And we're planning on working things out during the time-being.

So I have a lot going on right now. I found a place to stay for the next 3 months. I go to school, so I get financial aid. I know that it would be enough to support myself. To be honest, moving out on my own is really scary. I don't know if I can survive, but my friends are here for me, routing for me. To help me no matter what. I don't have a car now since my mom took it away after I moved out. So I would have to take the bus to school& work.

Help? I need advices. Should I move back home or move out? I need to decide soon because I don't want someone to rent out the place that I have found.
THANKS SO MUCH!

 

[swerve]

WOW!!!

That IS a LOT going on...

I'm not sure of your age -- but I'll GUESS 20 or 21 based on your screen name...

You know -- we ALL need to MOVE OUT eventually -- and I would suggest that RIGHT NOW just MIGHT be the RIGHT time for you...

Having said that -- DON'T DO IT with ANGER or HURTING your mother's emotions...

Talk to her and try to smooth things over...

Explain to her that you are TRANSITIONING into a MAN now -- and are READY to TRY and make it on your own...

It's ALWAYS EASIER if your family is SUPPORTIVE of your decisions...

Well -- because then, if you need their help now and then (like I did) -- they'll be there for you...

BEST of LUCK -- and let us know how it goes...

 

[aznboi90]

Hello, thank you for the quick response.

Yeah I'm 20 Nice guess? Haha

I know I pulled the trigger and jumped the gun, I did do it out of anger, but the truth is that I've always wanted to move out because my parents and brothers are not supportive of me. They were never supportive, and that's what made it hard for me this past year.

I am scared that living on my own is going to be tough and if I'll be able to pull though or not, since I don't know how to cook or budget. I also don't have a car, it's going to be tough taking the bus every single day.

I think I will give her a call and talk to her about it, and see if she is willing to help me get through this, living on my own. But if she doesn't want to, what do I do?

How did you do it?

By the way, before moving out, my mom told me that she wanted to cut all ties with me :/ What it all comes down to is that I'm very very scared that I won't be able to manage being on my own. I don't want to move back with my parents because I know that things will be VERY VERY awkward. Knowing that this all happened...

 

[altlover85]

To make things worse, my family is hardcore religious (Catholics). She wishes me death every day so that I don't sin anymore. She's always around to nag me. I understand that its her house and her rules. But she cannot just take over my life, controlling me, telling me what to do and what not to do. I'm so fed up. I'm actually paying for my own things! My cellphone bill, gas, and books. The only thing that she is doing for me is just giving me a place to stay and cook for me. I understand that she's helping me because she's my mom, but she can't keep hurting me (emotionally and mentally). Don't get me wrong, I love my mom so much. I just don't know what to do.

It sounds like a highly toxic environment. You did well to get out of there. I can't believe she wished you death. That's horrible and you don't deserve to put up with it.

I only had one boyfriend. And we're planning on working things out during the time-being.

Make sure you don't plan things around the two of you getting back together.

So I have a lot going on right now. I found a place to stay for the next 3 months. I go to school, so I get financial aid. I know that it would be enough to support myself. To be honest, moving out on my own is really scary. I don't know if I can survive, but my friends are here for me, routing for me. To help me no matter what. I don't have a car now since my mom took it away after I moved out. So I would have to take the bus to school& work.

THANKS SO MUCH!

Here are some important questions for you to answer for yourself.

How much money do you get from financial aid? What about your part-time job?

How much is rent? Utilities?

How would you pay for the bus?

What is your tuition?

How much longer do you have until you graduate?

Good luck and keep us posted.

 

[nialltt]

I would look at it in the psychological perspective. All that thing that is happening in that house hinders you from progress in everything you do. You'll just be discouraged and you might even fall apart. I was in your situation 2 years ago when I was going to come out to my parents. If they did the same thing I was going to drop out of school and live on my own. Luckily, my family was very supportive. I also looked at loans so that I could go to school while having two jobs. Life is varied. Good luck.

 

[pai mei]

what a shitty situation. i can't tell you what to do, but i just wanted to post that i feel for you, and i truly hope things work themselves out for you...

 

[texan_slant]

Move out; as an adult, it's bound to happen sooner or later!
I did it when I was 18, and it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

 

[wastedtime]

Moving out, learning to deal with it all cooking, budgeting, school, work, is HARD. But here's the thing you are going to have to learn it at some point. And some distance between you and your family may be needed.

I do not know where you go to school, but go to the financial aid office. Let them know your situation has changed. There are often hardship grants and scholarships available. Apply for everything that you can. Does your school have a gay/straight alliance? There may be people there that can offer some help. Again this would be easier if I knew if you were at a bigger state school or where you went to school.

If you are in an area with good public transportation, I would not worry about a car right now. It is just a lot of added expense and you need to concentrate on the basics, shelter, food, school.

As for the your relationship with your family. Take some time, let everyone cool off (yes you too). I would say your best bet is to try talking with your Mom without your brother around.

 

[Cardenio]

I personally think that your mother caving in somewhat is a very reassuring sign. While she does seem to still want to control your life and stifle your sexuality, it does seem like your moving out so suddenly after she thought she would have you in her life for a while longer (you mentioned that you had only been back home for a couple of weeks) did affect her and made her budge a little. As adults, really the only leverage we have in order to make our parents do anything is to threaten to cut off all ties with them, and I think that you should use this tactic fully to your advantage. After all, the famous Catholic guilt cuts both ways. If I were you, I'd mail her a copy of the movie "Prayers for Bobby" (that might be a little too manipulative, but you get the idea).

I do think that you shouldn't move back home just yet, but you shouldn't burn this bridge entirely either, especially since your mother seems like she could be nudged in the right direction eventually.

 

[Theit10101]

I personally think that first you gotta ask yourself some questions.
Can you support yourself? Do you have a place to live for a longer period of time, more then 3 months or even a year like other family? Uncle Aunt Cousin?
If so live with them or try to because your living environment is something I wish on no one. Im sorry you have a mom like that.
On the other hand. If you cant support yourself and you have no where to go, Im sorry but your going to have to swallow your pride and live with your parent and live by their rules. At least while in their house. They say no dating so DONT let them no you're dating. As long as you dont put it on Facebook or bring him ANYWHERE NEAR the house you are fine.
But while your there your going to have to be finding a solution which is moving out. Either by finding a job WHILE GOIN TO SCHOOL...DONT DROP OUT...GO BACK IF YOU HAVENT!!!!!.....so that your can get a place for your own....like rent an apartment with roommates. Thats pretty cheap I heard. Get reasons to stay out the house (productive and rewarding things) so that you only have to sleep, eat and chill there when your not busy. Im srry you have to go through this man but your going to have to take some responsibilty and think bout your future real good. And dont let your pride, emotions and anger get the best of you. You got this.

 

[rareboy]

Move out.

Become independent.

 

[ThreeCrows]

Leave and don't look back.

 

[tipmyscales86]

If you move out and have to live on a limited budget, look for places where you can get discounted groceries and other necessities, and clip coupons. Times have been tough this year for me since I lost my job. I had to get by eating the cheapest meals I could get my hands on so I could make rent and pay bills. A grocery store named Aldi's opened up less than a mile from my apartment. I was able to get stuff like boxes of Mac and Cheese for 29 cents a box! They have all kinds of other non-name brand foods there really cheap. Look for places like that to keep your expenses down.

 

[aznboi90]

Hey guys,

I honestly appreciate your responses. It means a lot to me that you're all here for me. Thank you.

So apparently, shit went down... As usual. I actually talked to my dad, and he was willing to compromise. My mom wanted to take my financial aid money away from me though. WTH... It's MY money, and then she'd try to subtract all the expenses to limit the money that I would get back since she is holding my financial aid money in her hand. It's so unfair. She thinks it's considered as hers just because I'm considered as dependent, I'm under her name. On the other hand, my dad was the more calm one and he agreed to give me back the money they owed me. He said that they wouldn't support me if I moved out since they offered me a place to stay... home. I don't want to go back home, and so I told my dad that I want to move out, and he was okay with it. He had a condition though: I had to move back with him and the family just for a few days until this Friday when I officially move out to my apartment. This is when things got complicated, I told my dad that I would get home and move my stuff out of my best friend's house in an hour. It was a little over an hour because I stayed back at my friend's house to play some games and chit chat. THEN, my obnoxious mom had to call me and tell me: I don't trust you, you don't have to lie to your dad. You're a liar. I don't trust you all. Bring the car back home tomorrow after work. I don't need to see your face.

This hurt so much, but it totally pissed me off and caught me off guard. I'm just fed up with her bullshit. I don't know what the hell is wrong with my mom. I just don't know what to say... It's so nice to have such a mom like this. Fuck my life. As of this point, I just want to get the hell out of this area already and move into my new apartment. I'm going to talk to my dad and see what happens tomorrow morning. I need that money to move into the place. Hopefully it'll all work out :[

I've actually tried to plan out my budget, so I will be able to support myself for the next few months. I go to UCLA and am planning on moving to Westwood. The rent will be $750 a month with utilities included. I am a second year, 2 more years to go... Lol