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Should I warn my best friend? BIG QUESTION

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new86

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Hey guys
you may help me. I hope :-)

So I have this friend, my best friend, the one who helped me a lot in my exploration of Gayland and in the same time for my life with my parents.
I am 21, he is 10 years older.

He started a relationship nearly 8 months ago and just yesterday I see that on a hookup site there is a profile saying "couple looks for the third" and that it visited my profile. I am a curious guy, so I opened it (i like to see who visits mine) and I recognise a (modified) picture of my best friend.

I was worthless.
Not because he wants to have a 3way... I know he had them in the past, I know he is a very sexual guy, I don't judge this thing, even though I don't think I will ask my boyfriend to do so (when i'll have a boyfriend).

I think that if something is ok for both members of the couple... be it.

BUT I am really worried because
1. Last time he asked to an ex boyfriend to have a 3way (twice, I meand with his lasts 2 BFs) it was because the relationship missed something... So I fear that he and his actual boy have some problems.
2. Last time he did this it lead to a brake up and I don't wanna see him lose his love just because he didn't stop and though before acting.
What if a third one leads to him or his BF to fall in love spoiling everything?
3. His actual BF soffered a lot in the past because of men... Even though I don't know him well, it would be very sad for me seeing him feel bad.

My fear comes from the fact that I had a threeway with a couple, and as it always happens, I liked more one of the guys. And I admit that if this guy was not in a relationship I'd try to develop things, as we saw each other more than once and we have a great feeling even out of bed. But this is me. Some guys don't have any problem to ruin a relationship.. and I really fear this will happen with my friend.

Or, worse, that his BF decides he does not wanna repeat the experience and my friend will cheat on him.


So BIG QUESTION:

should I take out the topic with my friend, just tell him that i am really worried of what may happen and clarifying my point (what I said in this post) and so be clean with myself

OR

don't say anything, having the "fear" that something bad will happen, me being the spectator of that?

Consider that he didn't tell me directily (for the moment, he may when we see each other) but on the other hand he visited my profile, knowing that I am really good in connecting things, details and that I had seen the picture he put on the site, as to say "hey I wanna tell you this but not directly" (as the killer lets around indications because he wants to be arrested)

I know it's not my life. I know that at 33 he should be big enough to care for himself. I know he should have learned from the past. I know I am a bit intrusive. And I know that he will do what he wants, me being ok with that or not. But I feel bad not telling him to thing again before doing. Just that.

So suggestions?
 
This is not unusual. There are lots of profiles out there that say, "I've met the love of my life and we want a 3rd for sex" or "I'm married but we have an open relationship".

I suspect that- at age 33- this is not your friend's first time at the rodeo, so do not fret about the choices that he has made.

As to whether you discuss this with your friend, that would depend on why you want to know and how you think that your friend will respond.

If you have a no-holds-barred friendship where the two of you can discuss anything, then you should be able to discuss the topic (especially since he's seen your profile and you have seen his).

And if you are sure that your friend will not be uncomfortable or embarassed by his profile and its contents, then discuss it with him. Part of being a friend is expressing concern and asking questions- just make sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.
 
Yes, we spoke a lot about his past, my past, our problems, his sex life... And no, it is not the firts time he does that :)

I just guess he was sure I would not have aknoweledged it was him... hehe :-)

I don't think he will be embarassed. He told me worse things than a simple "i wanna a 3way" :-)))

and my reasons are just that i don't wanna him to make a false step. And me feeling bad because i didn't tell him. Out of that, he can fuck anyone he wants.
 
I'm thinking you meant speechless.

Stay out of it unless you want to be the third in the threesome. Simple.
 
haha don't worry rareboy, when i chatted with him the first time it was intended to lead the sex, and it happened the same with his BF... then my friend was engaged, the other one i lost contact with and now i love him in a friendly way... nothing more, never sex :-)
 
to be honest.. If he keeps losing men because he can't remain monogamous to the guy he's with than it's his problem.. no amount of talking is going to change the way he views himself...

It is apparent he has little respect for himself or his partner and until he learns to respect himself he will continue to be in relationships that fail.
 
Quite frankly, there is never much point in trying to tell another guy, friend or otherwise, what he should or shouldn't be doing with his penis. He's not going to listen to anything you say to him anyways.... not unless he asks you for advice, in which case he'll still ignore your warnings and do whatever he wanted to...
 
Hi there, just a couple of thoughts.

First, try not to "own" your friend's feelings or behaviors and try to protect him from himself. I suspect he knows full-well what he's doing and either has the blessing (voluntarily or coerced) of his bf in doing this.

Second, it would not be a good thing to be a part of. You'd be playing with gasoline big time, I'm afraid. The fact that, if he were not in a relationship, you'd try to develop things with him is but one clue that you cannot enter such a triad objectively and you may not even be consciously aware of your motives and behavior toward him (and his partner) if you did.

I fear this can only end badly, if attempted. I've been part of 3-ways too, and I've found that the "3rd" has to be known enough to be trusted, but distant enough to both to never create a threat. It's tricky to pull off unless you have just the right combination of people. From what you write, I'm afraid you don't--not with this couple, anyway.

Good luck!
 
Average, thanks, but you got something wrong... I did NOT have a 3way with HIM or try to develop things with HIM. It was another couple I was talking about! ;-)

I absolutely don't wanna be part of anything with HIM or his BF out of a good friendship :-))))
 
3... i don't know if he change his mind, probably not. But he always tells me I seem more mature than my age and such things, so it makes me be sure that he would consider, not *do*, but consider, what I wanna tell him.
 
My understanding of the situation: You believe, based on his past history, that when he shows interest in a 3-some, it indicates that his relationship has some problems and by pursuing this 3-some he is effectively giving up on the relationship instead of trying to solve the problems, thus inevitably leading to a breakup.

So what advice are you actually planning to give him? Were you thinking of addressing the 3-some, which is the symptom, or were you planning on giving him advice regarding the underlying problem?
 
3nipples, you got to the point! This problem, and the unknows consequences of the feeling of the third person(s) involved.

I believe that you can have a 3some with your boyfriend for fun, and that's ok.
But if you do this in the same time you have problem as a couple, it will inevitably lead to a breakup.

I've been thinking how i can approach the discussion... Since my "fear" came from my *personal experience* with a couple, (The potential loving interest for one member, that I soon put away for anything out of pure sex or at least friendship) I think I'll start from there, trying not to say directly "you wanna have a 3some" which may be too rude even for a friend. The best would be telling my "story", my feelings and say "it may happen to you also... so I just ask you to think twice before doing it".

Today I'll see him. Not sure if I'll tell him today or wait more... Or maybe by letter, which may be less rude (anyway a mature person should be able to SPEAK, it is also better for communication).

Let's see how it goes today!
 
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