The Original Gay Porn Community - Free Gay Movies and Photos, Gay Porn Site Reviews and Adult Gay Forums

  • Welcome To Just Us Boys - The World's Largest Gay Message Board Community

    In order to comply with recent US Supreme Court rulings regarding adult content, we will be making changes in the future to require that you log into your account to view adult content on the site.
    If you do not have an account, please register.
    REGISTER HERE - 100% FREE / We Will Never Sell Your Info

    PLEASE READ: To register, turn off your VPN (iPhone users- disable iCloud); you can re-enable the VPN after registration. You must maintain an active email address on your account: disposable email addresses cannot be used to register.

  • The Support & Advice forum is a no-flame zone.
    The members offering support and advice do so with the best intention. If you ask for advice, we don't require you to take the advice, but we do ask that you listen and give it consideration.

Should I?

L

lonely23

Joined
Jul 10, 2008
Posts
11
Reaction score
0
Points
0
I've been seeing a male psychologist for a few weeks now and im thinking about telling him about me being attracted to guys but the problem is I don't know if he should be the first person that I come out to since I don't even know him that well nor do I know if im going to keep seeing him in the long run. The thing is I think he already is kinda getting that vibe from me since he's started asking me about having relationships with other people and he always says with "other people" instead of "with girls". I think that he may be able to help me if I do tell him but if not I would have told him my most personal secret for nothing so my question is should I?
 
Why shouldn't you tell him?

a) He's probably trained to deal with it
b) It won't have any repurcussions for other parts of your life, and if he doesn't handle it how you would like you can go to someone else
c) It could be relevant to whatever the psychologist is trying to work through with you.

(a) and (b) are why its OK to tell him; (c) is why you SHOULD tell him.

In some ways it's much easier to tell these things to strangers (like the people on this forum) than the people in your life who you might feel 'deserve' it more.
 
hanshansen said:
Why shouldn't you tell him?

a) He's probably trained to deal with it
b) It won't have any repurcussions for other parts of your life, and if he doesn't handle it how you would like you can go to someone else
c) It could be relevant to whatever the psychologist is trying to work through with you.

(a) and (b) are why its OK to tell him; (c) is why you SHOULD tell him.

In some ways it's much easier to tell these things to strangers (like the people on this forum) than the people in your life who you might feel 'deserve' it more.
Click to expand...

This is very true. My dad is a psychologist himself so I know what most of the rules are in that regard.

To add to (b) though, if you tell him and ask that he keep it between the two of you then he cannot tell any of your family members and the only mark of it will be in his file for you. If he has issues with it he is required by law to refer you to another psychologist that doesn't have issues with it (keep in mind it may be a specialist for gays.) He can only refer to your case outside of the office without the use of a name so you can't be outed. Yes, he can and more than likely refer to your case without your name to colleages, friends and family, but ONLY if he never mentions who you are. Confidentiality is a hot button issue for them these days.

If he breaks any of the rules and regulations then you have the right to sue him and he'll probably get his license suspended. Would serve the guy right too... >_> Ahem... (a) and (c) are right on key and I have nothing to add there. Also as a rule they say "people" because they'd rather have you tell them than just assume things it goes against their code or whatever... :D

That said, it still comes down to it being your choice.

Good Luck with this. ..|
 
Trust your psychologist to guide you through this difficult phase and trust him to maintain confidentiality, as well.

Good luck.
 
I didn't tell my therapist that I was bi and have had sex with men until after nearly 3 years of treatment (for depression/anxiety). It was painful to say and discuss, but a huge relief too. I realize now that had I told him sooner I would be much further along in being accepting and happy with myself than I am right now.

Tell him. Believe me - he's heard everything before.
 
its called dr/patient confidentiality and it is part of the AMA code as well as the law.

the mechanic can't fix your car (oops, vehicle) unless you tell the mechanic what the problem/symptoms are and any extraneous info you can give to help identify the problem

you expect the doctor to do any different??????if you don't tell all, you are wasting your money and the drs' time

that would be your bad[-X

ok, lefty is done with todays sermon..|
 
Yeah, tell him. Not telling him you're gay is like not telling your doctor about those chest pains. You're giving him an incomplete picture, and he may make a wrong diagnosis and course of treatment. Tell him, and start moving forward. :)

Lex
 
Well i told my psychologist today about me liking both girls and guys but i didn't really feel good about it or get that liberating feeling that everyone says they get i just felt sick and wanted to turn back time and stop myself from even doing it. I could barely even get out the words and I was just shocked that i even did it.
I know that he might be able to help me with it but its was so hard to talk about and i don't know if im going to be able to talk about it like i really want to(which is one of things im being treated for).
Well I have another appt tomorrow so wish me luck.
 
lonely23 said:
Well i told my psychologist today about me liking both girls and guys but i didn't really feel good about it or get that liberating feeling that everyone says they get i just felt sick and wanted to turn back time and stop myself from even doing it. I could barely even get out the words and I was just shocked that i even did it.
I know that he might be able to help me with it but its was so hard to talk about and i don't know if im going to be able to talk about it like i really want to(which is one of things im being treated for).
Well I have another appt tomorrow so wish me luck.
Click to expand...

Perhaps since you're there for that reason, perhaps in time you'll be able to talk about it like you want to. Just remember that psychotherapy is a work and process between two people...you're as much responsible and influential in your treatment as he is. That's the point of the previous replies...if you don't open up with him, he probably won't be able to help you.
Take it easy, take it slow and take your time. Don't rush. ;)
 
I am so glad you opened up to your therapist-as diffficult as it obviously was. It was a HUGE step for you, and obviously sounds like it is part of the reason you are seeing this Doctor any way. If you truly want to progress, and I think you do, opening up to your therapist is the only way he can truly help you. He needs to know what is going through your head and why you have the feelings you do.

It was very diffficult for me to bring many of my own issues to the surface for open discussion. My Dr. helped me through these things and left me know it was okay to have certain feelings, especcially about negative ones. I have been seeing the same doctor for over 7 years on an on an off basis for depression. We talk about everything. For me it is a very positive experience and I usually walk away feeling really good about myself.

I will admit that a good therapist-patient relationship is not always a match made in heaven, so to speak. You need to feel comfortable knowing you can tell that person what is really causing you problems. That is their job-especially not to be judgemental.

I have seen my doctor out in public in a restaraunt. He will only acknowledge me after I have seen him and said hello, waved, whatever. We have friends in common, and he only brings up my name as an aquaintance, not a client He is an extremely empathetic listener and has helped me immensely, especially about being gay. For me, it feels like talking with a valued friend.
 
Keep at it. In fact, tell your therapist how difficult it is to talk about it. (How meta!) It might be something s/he can help you with.

Lex
 
thanks guys for your replys

as for me and my psych I don't feel like things are working out b/c i actually tried opening up more to him today about my thoughts and feelings toward other guys and I could tell he was uncomfortable which i confronted him about and he wouldn't give me a straight answer as to his thoughts about it nor has he ever said anything as to it being okay about me having these feelings and how to deal with it.
Even after every session I have with him I actually feel worse than what I did coming in and im definitely not going through this again with another psych but I don't feel like im getting the help that i need so its like im right back at square one and even if I was referred to someone else this would be my third psych yet im just tired of having to go through this and im thinking about ending my sessions with him and just going back to the way things were at least then i won't feel as horrible as i do now
im just tired
 
if nothing else keep asking questions here. i for one find myself checking back here like 20 times a day because people here know whats up, care, and will help you through that shit.
 
lonely23 said:
thanks guys for your replys

as for me and my psych I don't feel like things are working out b/c i actually tried opening up more to him today about my thoughts and feelings toward other guys and I could tell he was uncomfortable which i confronted him about and he wouldn't give me a straight answer as to his thoughts about it nor has he ever said anything as to it being okay about me having these feelings and how to deal with it.
Even after every session I have with him I actually feel worse than what I did coming in and im definitely not going through this again with another psych but I don't feel like im getting the help that i need so its like im right back at square one and even if I was referred to someone else this would be my third psych yet im just tired of having to go through this and im thinking about ending my sessions with him and just going back to the way things were at least then i won't feel as horrible as i do now
im just tired
Click to expand...

Well that's no good. For him to be avoiding talking with you about this doesn't seem to be a good sign. He is talking WITH you right? He's not just asking you questions and having you answer them? Behavior like that is never helpful for the patient.

If you're feeling worse after talking to him then, to me, it doesn't seem that's he's being very effective. In many cases where this happens it's not the fault of the patient. Instead, it's the doctor's inability to keep their personal prejudices out of the workplace.

The type of therapist also comes into play as well. Marriage and Family therapists, for example, are trained to handle revelations such as this without it affecting what they are supposed to be helping you with. Other specialists aren't necessarily that liberal and tend to let these things greatly affect their sessions with the client.

Since this is your second therapist it may just be that this kind of therapy isn't really for you because you might need someone that will communicate with you on a more personal level. At the end of a session you should be more reflective on what you talked about and really shoudn't feel bad about it at all. If I'm wrong please correct me, but it sounds like the therapists you've gotten aren't really condusive to your situation and just let you talk while they listen. If he makes you feel uncomfortable then he isn't really doing his job, plain and simple.

I can't really make a solid psychi-analytical evaluation about this without knowing a few details I'm sure you find to be personal such as why you are going to therapy. I can say this with certainty though:

Without proper communication between doctor and patient then nothing will ever be accomplished by either party. Seeing a psychiatrist is a two-way street. They can't learn anything unless they meet you at least halfway. Something yours doesn't seem to be doing.

Knowing how your sessions play out can help yourself and us help you more easily. If it's basically him asking you a question which you answer and then he asks another with you trying to get feedback from him while he avoids it then the desired end-product of these sessions will not come about.

I don't mean to sound harsh or anything but your only option may be to get a new psych at this point. You do want to wait a while though to see if you current one just needs some time to get used to the idea that you're gay though.

If I sound cynical it's because I have a lot of experience being with and around people in this field of work and the majority of them do actually fall into the stereotypical idea of how a psychologist acts towards their clients.

I really do hope things work out well for you with all this. Please keep us posted so we can at least try and be of some help. I personally take invested interest in people who go to therapy because I know too many that have been screwed over by their shrink.

Again, Good Luck and I do hope I'm being even slightly helpful. ..|
 
You might look into getting another therapist. Specifically one who deals with LGBT folks. They're fairly easy to find online, and one of them will probably be a lot more experienced at helping people come to grips with what you're currently going through. Do a google search for "gay therapist (your city)" and see what you come up with. Your current therapist shouldn't have any trouble with you transfering to somebody new. :)

Lex
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top