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Should you come out to homophobes?
- Thread starter vamp
- Start date
O
ok455
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I agree with vulture if they cant accept you, get rid of them.
No i woudnt come out to a homophobe. They might try to fight you or tell other people so they can bash you .
But sometimes you can tell when people are trying to hard to be homophobic and there really not.
No i woudnt come out to a homophobe. They might try to fight you or tell other people so they can bash you .
But sometimes you can tell when people are trying to hard to be homophobic and there really not.
chrisdobro
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from what I've heard it may not be so simple -- if he was a friend and then suddenly he stops talking to you but you still want him around. Mucho drama. If it's a so so friend, yeah go ahead. If it's a friend you don't want to lose ... probe carefully. Start talking about homosexual issues a bit more, like what does he think about this or that, but not about yourself yet. Feel him out.
Some folks say bad things about gays but when they find out their close friend is gay, they change their mind. But some freak out and leave as it's too close to home for them.
Some folks say bad things about gays but when they find out their close friend is gay, they change their mind. But some freak out and leave as it's too close to home for them.
O
ok455
Guest
I hate when i come out to people they give u the list of rules
* you better not hit on me
* you better not try to turn me gay
* you better not touch me
* you better not try any of that werid shit
If i hear those rules then i tell them i dont need your friendship.
* you better not hit on me
* you better not try to turn me gay
* you better not touch me
* you better not try any of that werid shit
If i hear those rules then i tell them i dont need your friendship.
chrisdobro
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ha ! give them some statements back:
* you've been my friend for so long and I have not hit on you yet. What does that tell you ?
* I can't turn you gay, but it seems I've already made you a homophobe.
* I've opened up to you and it's sad that you don't trust me.
* dude, I try weird shit only with someone who loves me and accepts me for who I am.
Add humor as neccessary. After my boyfriend came out, he was jokingly saying statement #1 to his long time friend.
* you've been my friend for so long and I have not hit on you yet. What does that tell you ?
* I can't turn you gay, but it seems I've already made you a homophobe.
* I've opened up to you and it's sad that you don't trust me.
* dude, I try weird shit only with someone who loves me and accepts me for who I am.
Add humor as neccessary. After my boyfriend came out, he was jokingly saying statement #1 to his long time friend.
Hey 0123,
Well mate - your first priority in any situation is your safety and your well being. Nothing else is more important that those things so your decision needs to be based on your own assessment of your situation.
The vast vast majority of homophobes are simply people who are either ignorant, feel under pressure from society to conform or are struggling with their own issues. Sure there are the very small minority of people who are so consumed by hatred that they cant see straight but they are the exception. And I'm guessing mate that those sort of people are not the people you associate with in any way shape or form...
The easiest way to change the minds of people we know love and spend time with is to show them who we really are. To show them that we are the same person that they know and love. The same guy with the same smile, laugh, ability to care and show compassion, the same guy that they love spending time with.
The greatest fears or misconceptions of gay people come from the stereotypes that are forced down peoples throats. And very few of us are like that.
We are normal every day guys. We lead normal lives. We have mates and jobs. We have bills to pay and the same responsibilities our friends and families do. We aren't that different. We aren't strange, we aren't weird.
When you come out to homophobes you shatter that myth, you begin to break that barrier. And while it may take time and their might be some "rules" once you've come out only the truly stupid or ignorant will continue to persist in their old ways of thinking. It will take a little time but you can change the way people think.
And more often than not those same people end up being your strongest allies. Trust me I have seen it in my own friends.
Believe it or not 0123, this is how we gain acceptance - by opening peoples eyes and removing ignorance.
Its always your choice. Its always your safety that must come first. Never forget those things.
But if your comfortable enough to do it don't fear doing it because you think its a lost cause.... because most of the time its not.
Well mate - your first priority in any situation is your safety and your well being. Nothing else is more important that those things so your decision needs to be based on your own assessment of your situation.
The vast vast majority of homophobes are simply people who are either ignorant, feel under pressure from society to conform or are struggling with their own issues. Sure there are the very small minority of people who are so consumed by hatred that they cant see straight but they are the exception. And I'm guessing mate that those sort of people are not the people you associate with in any way shape or form...
The easiest way to change the minds of people we know love and spend time with is to show them who we really are. To show them that we are the same person that they know and love. The same guy with the same smile, laugh, ability to care and show compassion, the same guy that they love spending time with.
The greatest fears or misconceptions of gay people come from the stereotypes that are forced down peoples throats. And very few of us are like that.
We are normal every day guys. We lead normal lives. We have mates and jobs. We have bills to pay and the same responsibilities our friends and families do. We aren't that different. We aren't strange, we aren't weird.
When you come out to homophobes you shatter that myth, you begin to break that barrier. And while it may take time and their might be some "rules" once you've come out only the truly stupid or ignorant will continue to persist in their old ways of thinking. It will take a little time but you can change the way people think.
And more often than not those same people end up being your strongest allies. Trust me I have seen it in my own friends.
Believe it or not 0123, this is how we gain acceptance - by opening peoples eyes and removing ignorance.
Its always your choice. Its always your safety that must come first. Never forget those things.
But if your comfortable enough to do it don't fear doing it because you think its a lost cause.... because most of the time its not.
To answer the OP, my opinion is NO, we don't owe anything to ignorrant, homophobic people. I don't care if they're a mother, brother, father, sister, aunt, uncle or a supposed best friend.
If we're willing to accept them for who they are, then I believe we deserve the same.
Coming out shouldn't be about "them".
If we're willing to accept them for who they are, then I believe we deserve the same.
Coming out shouldn't be about "them".
bluedragon4
JUB Addict
^^^ I sadly agree with above post. It's sad that family will not know the real you but they don't really want to know you. You will probably have to let family go and build a life without them. that must be awful to know your family would hate you for being gay!
nsguy2
bluedragon4
Hey guys,
You can never predict someones reaction to a loved one coming out... even the homophobes....
You can never guess or understand why they think what they think.
You can never know the secrets they carry.
You can know whether or not they will hate you for being gay.
Unless you challenge them. Unless you trust them. Unless you take away that ignorance.
But theres something very important to understand.
Coming our isnt about them - the homophobes. It isnt about changing the world.
Its about gay guys living a life without guilt, without fear, without being weighed down with something that feels like a dirty secret when really its who we are. Its about those people who need to be honest with the people around them - even to their own determent. Its about having the strength and courage to reveal the true depth of their soul to the world. Its about them living in freedom, knowing who their real friends and family are, living without judgment - living the lives they deserve.
And if they convert a few homophobes and blow away some ignorance with that courage and inspiration - well, more power to em!
bluedragon4
Hey guys,
You can never predict someones reaction to a loved one coming out... even the homophobes....
You can never guess or understand why they think what they think.
You can never know the secrets they carry.
You can know whether or not they will hate you for being gay.
Unless you challenge them. Unless you trust them. Unless you take away that ignorance.
But theres something very important to understand.
Coming our isnt about them - the homophobes. It isnt about changing the world.
Its about gay guys living a life without guilt, without fear, without being weighed down with something that feels like a dirty secret when really its who we are. Its about those people who need to be honest with the people around them - even to their own determent. Its about having the strength and courage to reveal the true depth of their soul to the world. Its about them living in freedom, knowing who their real friends and family are, living without judgment - living the lives they deserve.
And if they convert a few homophobes and blow away some ignorance with that courage and inspiration - well, more power to em!
conwelljerry
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Ah the Homophobics - what a great bunch, huh?
How many of the 90% of them who are gay/bi themselves, but via a form of denial of lashing out at homosexuals and therefore continuning the repression, will eventually come out?
OR
Will they remain in the closet?
I always found it hilarious when some guy says "it just wierds me out, I get mental images." I always smile and fight back the "well if you always get mental images..." What straight guy dwells on mental images of two guys fucking? Hilarious.
And to answer the original question, if you have the balls and you think he is not physically dangerous, HELL YES tell him. I enjoy making them uncomfortable - what I do in the privacy of my bedroom should not alter any social situation, unless of course it fuels the repression.....
How many of the 90% of them who are gay/bi themselves, but via a form of denial of lashing out at homosexuals and therefore continuning the repression, will eventually come out?
OR
Will they remain in the closet?
I always found it hilarious when some guy says "it just wierds me out, I get mental images." I always smile and fight back the "well if you always get mental images..." What straight guy dwells on mental images of two guys fucking? Hilarious.
And to answer the original question, if you have the balls and you think he is not physically dangerous, HELL YES tell him. I enjoy making them uncomfortable - what I do in the privacy of my bedroom should not alter any social situation, unless of course it fuels the repression.....
i came out to one of my friends through anger of the homophobic comments he was making one night. he kept goin on and on and i cudnt sit back any longer so i just go to him wats wrong with gay people, im gay and you've been my friend for 7years n since then he has shut up but is still a close friend. for the first month after telling him we didnt speak much but me back to normal again now n we laugh n mess about as we used to. dont no if tht is much help but you'll know urself wether r not to tell ppl.
I don't think there is a single answer and that is depends on circumstances. I have a homophobic 'friend' in university that I have no plans on telling, and have been letting the friendship grow distant (course, they guy went nuts after first year and really became Christian Conservative).
If it's someone close to you, you'll probably want or have to tell them eventually. Assuming, of course, that you'll be safe. Though I can't imagine it, I am aware that some places are very dangerous for those who stray from the social milieu.
So, after the tangents, I would say that it's up to the person and the situation to decide whether coming out to a homophobe is a good or bad idea.
If it's someone close to you, you'll probably want or have to tell them eventually. Assuming, of course, that you'll be safe. Though I can't imagine it, I am aware that some places are very dangerous for those who stray from the social milieu.
So, after the tangents, I would say that it's up to the person and the situation to decide whether coming out to a homophobe is a good or bad idea.