Simple Question! Kinda Not really! Please help!

[Theit10101]

Long story short, I am in college right now and I am dying to come out of the college. I always said that I would come out in college but I ended up rooming with a friend from high school so my plans got messed up. (I didn’t want my old friends to find out). Now I’m living a lie and it’s harder than ever because all my friends are hooking up and I’m not. Srry...it kind of is a long story.
Anyway, I go through the days depressed and feeling alone and a loser and its killing me. I was supposed to come out to my family over Christmas break and that was a fail. (right now, after Christmas, after new years, next break) Now I have spring break coming in a week and I dyin here living a lie. I CANT come out to my friends so I'm leaving my school to a bigger school just so that I can have a fresh start and have a chance to be myself. I am a very shy guy and have fooled all my friends into thinking I was straight and am terrified of leaving to this school. I rather leave then create an awkward moment/s with my friends!

Question 1: Is that stupid? Leaving rather than telling them the truth and dealing with what comes next?
Question 2: Is it stupid to come out to my mom over the phone? I really want to come out now but maybe I should do it face to face?
I HATE THE LIFE I CREATED!! IT’S SO STRESSFUL!! I have so much more to say but I don’t want to make all you guys hear my sob story so I'm done. (I wish I was more gay….lol…it would be simpler)

 

[Theit10101]

I'm sure i won't be the only person to say this to you, but running away from things just b/c they're difficult isn't going to help you out. even if you go to another school you'll just end up repeating the same things you did before. my best advice would be for you to tell everyone in your life and those that react negatively don't matter b/c you were willing to leave them behind anyway...

Thats good advice but in the back of my mind i know this...i just wanted my last days at this school to be gud ones but then again...u r right! I need to just suck it up and do it!

 

[Seasoned]

"I HATE THE LIFE I CREATED!! IT’S SO STRESSFUL!! I have so much more to say but I don’t want to make all you guys hear my sob story so I'm done. (I wish I was more gay….lol…it would be simpler)"

You didn't create this. Society is heterosexist. We all have our own personalities and depending upon the situation will either work for us or against us. Like you, I used to be shy. It made coming out more difficult.

What's the atmosphere like at your school for gay students? Are there clubs and organizations? If there are I suggest you join as a first step. If there is no support on campus then I wouldn't rule out transferring schools.

Come out to your mom in person. The more courage you muster the better you'll feel about yourself.

I'm not going to advise you on what to do with your roommate and other friends, but you already know the difficulty of keeping this from them. You must follow your own instincts because it's important that you feel emotionally safe. I'm thinking that should you come out to friends that your roommate should be told first.

You've been carrying this secret for a long time and you are probably becoming more and more stressed out. If you continue to want to come out but can't or won't then it is probably time to see a therapist to help develop stratagies. I wish you all the best. Please continue posting. Good luck.

 

[rareboy]

Question 1: Is that stupid? Leaving rather than telling them the truth and dealing with what comes next?
Question 2: Is it stupid to come out to my mom over the phone? I really want to come out now but maybe I should do it face to face?
I HATE THE LIFE I CREATED!! IT’S SO STRESSFUL!! I have so much more to say but I don’t want to make all you guys hear my sob story so I'm done. (I wish I was more gay….lol…it would be simpler)

Yes, it is stupid to run away to another school only because you give a shit about what your 'friends' think.

Stop that right now. Or you'll be running away from people your whole life.

Do not come out to your mother over the phone. If you can't face her, then write a proper letter and explain everything in as much detail as you need. But better to do it in person.

I think you need to choose someone who is a real friend and not just some high school acquaintance and tell them.

And when you do go to another school, don't just make friends with people that you can use as beards. Make frinds with those who don't care where you put your dick, but love you for all the right reasons.

 

[KaraBulut]

I'm going to join in the chorus on the issue of running away. From anything. It's not the way you want to live your life.

A question for you, though.

How far are you in your own acceptance of this?

Ok, maybe in your mind you're thinking, "I like cock. I'm gay".

But there's more to it than that. You have to be at a point where you say, "I'm gay. There's nothing wrong with it. And I'm not going to lie because I'm not ashamed of it.".

Given your fears and the extremes you're going to in avoiding honesty in your relationships, it sounds like you might not be ready.

 

[G-Lexington]

Let's say I went to your college, and tracked down all your old high school friends, too. And then I interviewed them. And I asked "What do you like about theit?" What sort of responses would I get?

"He's fun to be around."
"I can really talk to him."
"He's a blast."
"I love his sense of humor."

Will ANY of them say "I like him because he's straight"?

We have an adage here at CO&R. (Well, we should.) "If they're friends with you straight, they'll be friends with you gay." Otherwise, they're not friends with YOU. They're friends with some straight guy you're pretending to be. And the entire POINT of having friends is having people you can be yourself around.

So stop wasting your life hiding in that closet hoping that nobody will find out your deep dark horrible secret. You like fucking guys - big fucking deal. Most guys don't give a rat's ass about that. Come out and start fucking guys already. If that's not enough incentive, I don't know what will be.

Lex

 

[Theit10101]

Let's say I went to your college...

...Will ANY of them say "I like him because he's straight"?

We have an adage here at CO&R. (Well, we should.)..............And the entire POINT of having friends is having people you can be yourself around.

So stop wasting your life hiding in that closet hoping that nobody will find out your deep dark horrible secret. You like fucking guys - big fucking deal. Most guys don't give a rat's ass about that. Come out and start fucking guys already. If that's not enough incentive, I don't know what will be.

Lex

THANKS FOR ALL THE ADVICE EVERYONE! I will come out to my parents first and afterward come out to my friends! I wont do this right away but as of now it is a MUST! I feel so much better!

G-Lexington had good advice.... plus You made me laugh! Everything u said is true and i just got to do it. Im pron not read but hell...i dont think i will ever be ready. I already am accepted to my new school which i wanted to go to anyways and i will not be holding myself back anymore!

BTW...What do you mean by "We have an adage here at CO&R. (Well, we should.)" What does that mean?
Thansk again everyone! I love the Internet!