Simple Question

[A Living Hell]

Can a gay guy every really be happy unless they come out as being gay? I don't feel I can tell anyone but I just really aint happy... I am clingy with the few mates I have got and they already suspect... ones of them is joining the army soon and I will probably lose contact with him which would break my heart.

Not really sure what I am living for though I am not suicidal or anything... bit like a drifter wondering where to go next lol... would telling anyone help me or ruin my life (conservative family and dad is in politics needs good reputation)

 

[GL]

ultimately you need to live your life as you see fit.

i honestly think as a gay man your life will be better if you're living your life out in the open. being in the closet and worrying about being outed, etc. are all heavy burdens that i think will wear you down.

i do hope you find the peace you're looking for either way.

 

[gsdx]

As Neo said, it's nobody's damned business. You don't need to come out and start telling everyone you see. All you have to do is to be truthful with yourself and, if anyone asks, tell them.

If you have a good female friend that you can trust, you may find an ally and confidant in her if you tell her. Females are often more comfortable with it and more apt to keep your secret. You would probably be surprised at how much you could share with her.

 

[pigface]

But be careful who you tell - look at what happened to jaybuoy "I have been found out and it could not have gone any worse"

 

[Harke the Boeotarch]

Can a gay guy every really be happy unless they come out as being gay? I don't feel I can tell anyone but I just really aint happy... I am clingy with the few mates I have got and they already suspect... ones of them is joining the army soon and I will probably lose contact with him which would break my heart.

You should come out immediately. Seeing you've named yourself "A Living Hell" I can't imagine that you have anything to lose.

 

[Lube]

Can a gay guy every really be happy unless they come out as being gay? I don't feel I can tell anyone but I just really aint happy... I am clingy with the few mates I have got and they already suspect... ones of them is joining the army soon and I will probably lose contact with him which would break my heart.

Not really sure what I am living for though I am not suicidal or anything... bit like a drifter wondering where to go next lol... would telling anyone help me or ruin my life (conservative family and dad is in politics needs good reputation)

Well, keep in mind that coming out is not going to suddenly solve all your emotional problems. It will hopefully start you down that path, though.

You say that they already suspect--and they haven't driven you off. So what's all the fear about coming out?

If it's your father--too bad for him! You have no obligation to live your life to suit his needs or desires. That's what being a man is--living your life for you, and for no one else.

Good luck.

 

[WYSIWYG]

My first suggestion would be to seek out gay support groups etc. You will find out very quickly that your not alone.

Secondly, as a man who hid his sexual preferences most of his life, it is a living HELL! It nearly destroyed me in all facets of my life. It isn't worth it! Trust me in this....

There is only one you, and if your family and friends can;t deal with you being gay then they weren't friends after all. Be who you are and share that with others, you won't be sorry.

 

[spencer]

happiness isn't all about sexuality. it can be about friendship, fulfillment, family, helping others.

You don't say one thing about your life other than

being closeted = being unhappy in life

those two are not mutually exclusive at all. work on other parts of your life to be at least more happy than you are now.

 

[rareboy]

Harke is totally correct.

 

[G-Lexington]

I supposed it's possible, but why? I'm guessing you could try to get through life with your hands tied behind your back, too, but if you don't have to, why would you?

Lex

 

[giorgiobaby]

You have to live your life, and that means what makes YOU..happy. You say your life is a living hell, then you obviously need a change. That means you need to figure out what's best for you. If your friends suspect you might be gay and have not confronted you on it....then maybe they don't care. If they do, they're really not your friends. Maybe like someone above suggested you could join a support group or as gsdx said, if you have a close female friend who would be supportive for you. Good luck with what ever you decide.

 

[Muskox]

You're only living a part of a life. This is all you've known, so you don't know what is possible. Your father will have to deal with the political fallout; it's not your problem. Others have given you good suggestions. Also, Lube is right -- coming out will not magically solve all your problems, but it will make it possible for you to do the work to heal yourself. Until you come out or are accidentally or forcibly outed, nothing will change for you.

 

[spencer]

As someone who is not out and happy with most all aspects of my life. I still think there is a way. But since you're not happy with not being out, then perhaps it's time to make a decision.

The posts above insinuate that not being out means you can't be happy. I personally don't buy that, cause everyone is different with different experinces.

just work on self improvement, work on why you're not happy. if coming out is apart of that, then come out. take care of yourself and make steps everyday to work on your mental health. otherwise, you will spiral down and being out or not out won't even make a difference.

 

[TX-Beau]

The closet is a lie, we all know it, no matter how you rationalize it, no matter how you try to ignore it, it's a lie.

If you're OK being dishonest with everyone you come across in life that's up to you. I came out for myself, because I didn't want to be a liar. Fuck what everyone else had to say about it.