Single but dating? How do YOU date?

[Yanyan]

Pretty much every experience I've had has been: meet, we're together long term, we break up. Part of me doesn't know if I really want to date around... but at the same time, it would be nice to shop around just a little before I get tied down to someone who might just be... good enough. However, the one time I was seeing two people at once was a complete disaster... both were going along pretty nicely and I didn't really know what to do. Is there like some conversation you have at the beginning which says: hey i'm seeing other people as well, just so you know... or is that a given until you are like: hey lets be exclusive.


Basically, I just want to hear from a couple people on their personal dating system...how do you go about it? have you had any big mistakes? tell me...

 

[backpacker]

... or is that a given until you are like: hey lets be exclusive.

It's a given.

People who go directly from one serious relationship to another generally have an overwhelming need to be in a relationship. It's like you aren't complete until you are in a relationship. Unfortunately the reasons for that need are usually the same reasons the relationships fail. If you fall into this category, I would advise you to take a break from dating and work on being comfortable with your own skin. Once you have established yourself as a stand alone individual, then you will be ready to seek a mate. Then you should date a number of people and really look to see if you are compatible with them. Good luck!

 

[ephram314]

For me, I think I usually know after one date whether I want the relationship to go anywhere. If I like the guy on the first date, and he liked me, it usually lasts quite awhile. Otherwise there isn't a second date.

I prefer only dating one person at a time. Honestly, I see no reason to date more than one person at the same time. Either you like the one you're on, or you don't, and you move on.

 

[Yanyan]

It's a given.

People who go directly from one serious relationship to another generally have an overwhelming need to be in a relationship. It's like you aren't complete until you are in a relationship. Unfortunately the reasons for that need are usually the same reasons the relationships fail. If you fall into this category, I would advise you to take a break from dating and work on being comfortable with your own skin. Once you have established yourself as a stand alone individual, then you will be ready to seek a mate. Then you should date a number of people and really look to see if you are compatible with them. Good luck!

no no, I'm not one of those have to be in a relationship guys. I spend a pretty healthy amount of time single and not looking and am very comfortable with just me. Most of my relationships have ended on good terms due to moving for college or work and the like.

I think one of my problems is that I can see the good in just about anyone so when I go on a date with someone as long as we click just a bit and they are interesting, attractive, etc... BAM i'm in relationship.

 

[Yanyan]

For me, I think I usually know after one date whether I want the relationship to go anywhere. If I like the guy on the first date, and he liked me, it usually lasts quite awhile. Otherwise there isn't a second date.

I prefer only dating one person at a time. Honestly, I see no reason to date more than one person at the same time. Either you like the one you're on, or you don't, and you move on.

Yeah, that has pretty much been my philosophy my whole romantic life. I guess I'm sort of jealous of those who can slowly cultivate a few and pick the one that suits best. I think it might just be a style I can't adapt to. The whole time I was casually dating both I had this huge guilt. I ended up just calling quits on both.

 

[KaraBulut]

Yanyan:

Let's break this down a bit.

What exactly is your definition of "dating"? It almost sounds like "dating" and "relationship" are the same thing for you?

 

[backpacker]

no no, I'm not one of those have to be in a relationship guys. I spend a pretty healthy amount of time single and not looking and am very comfortable with just me. Most of my relationships have ended on good terms due to moving for college or work and the like.

I think one of my problems is that I can see the good in just about anyone so when I go on a date with someone as long as we click just a bit and they are interesting, attractive, etc... BAM i'm in relationship.

Good to hear that you don't fall into the serial relationship syndrome. I hope you caught that I put "If you fall into this category" as I didn't want to assume that it applied. Given that it doesn't apply, I would say you need to make a conscious choice not to get until a relationship with any guy until you have been on X number of dates. During that time, make sure you are dating other gays. That will force you to slow down and evaluate your choice for a long term relationship a little better.

You should make a list of the pros and cons of the last few guys that you dated. You can then identify items in common in both categories. You can use these when evaluating the new guys you meet. Good luck!

 

[Yanyan]

Good to hear that you don't fall into the serial relationship syndrome. I hope you caught that I put "If you fall into this category" as I didn't want to assume that it applied. Given that it doesn't apply, I would say you need to make a conscious choice not to get until a relationship with any guy until you have been on X number of dates. During that time, make sure you are dating other gays. That will force you to slow down and evaluate your choice for a long term relationship a little better.

You should make a list of the pros and cons of the last few guys that you dated. You can then identify items in common in both categories. You can use these when evaluating the new guys you meet. Good luck!

No worries, I saw what you were saying. I think that's pretty good advice. Thanks a lot.