Slightly confused

[hughjackson69]

Figured I'd post here just to see what you guys have to say.

I'm 18 years old and currently identify myself as only bicurious in fantasies. I've had numerous girlfriends in the past, and lost my virginity to a girl at 17. I loved the sex and felt emotionally connected to her, so I know that I'm not exclusively gay. My current predicament, I guess, is that when I watch porn, I love watching gay porn. It's not that straight porn doesn't arouse me, it's just that I enjoy gay/MMF porn as well. When I'm masturbating, I often have fantasies about sucking another guy off. I think anal is disgusting and would never ever do that, but oral doesn't seem to be a problem. After I jack off, I get back into 'normal/nonsexual feelings' and the thought suddenly becomes disgusting. Is this merely just a fantasy?

I don't that I'd never actually act out this fantasy, but it constantly comes up when I'm masturbating. When I'm having sex with a girl, I don't think about guys at all. But, if I'm walking down the street, I'm just as likely to look at an attractive guy as I am a girl. However, I'm not emotionally attracted to guys at all. I feel somewhat 'gay' for having these fantasies, but they're merely that. I worry that people know this secret, but don't think I could come out and say I'm gay simply because I am attracted to girls on both levels. Level 1 on the Kinsey scale??

When I look towards the future, I've always seen myself as married and with children. Has anyone else felt this way? Would you classify me as merely bicurious? Thanks in advance

 

[BiMike]

Certainly Bicurious . But I think its unlikely you will act out your fantasies in real life. Quite a few gay guys are not into anal so that is not really any sort of indicator. Probably best to act out your fantasies watching gay porn or on-line chats with other str8 guys with similar interests. Probably 50% of str8 guys have your fantasies if they were truthful!

 

[seven_sins]

If you fantasize about guys when you masturbate, you are at least bi.

 

[AcquiredTaste]

It's hard to imagine that you're not at least bi since you have constant fantasies about sucking another guy off, not to mention your love of gay porn. The most telling thing to me is how you mention looking at attractive guys on the street. I hope someday you're able to sort out your feelings and desires.

I'm 41 and I had occasional fantasies when I was young which I quickly dismissed and thought disqusting because I was taught it was wrong. Well, here I sit decades later still harboring desires. Now, I fully embrace them, but I've yet to act. I hope you're luckier than me.

 

[AlmondMilk]

Well, you're interested in gay porn, so good for you. You're not tired of straight porn, but you want to explore your sexuality, which is fine. For awhile I actually got sick of gay porn and started watching straight porn even porn with only two girls in it Just go with what feels good as long as you do it safely.

 

[blackbeltninja]

My current predicament, I guess, is that when I watch porn, I love watching gay porn. It's not that straight porn doesn't arouse me, it's just that I enjoy gay/MMF porn as well. When I'm masturbating, I often have fantasies about sucking another guy off. I think anal is disgusting and would never ever do that, but oral doesn't seem to be a problem. After I jack off, I get back into 'normal/nonsexual feelings' and the thought suddenly becomes disgusting.

Well, I was like this once as well and never thought I'd act on it; and then as the years went by I actually went out and messed around with a couple of guys...

Not saying you will or you won't, but I agree with my learned colleague I'llgetbi - you'll figure it out as you go along. Do what you feel comfortable with. If you end up playing with a dude some day, well yay! If you don't, also yay - as long as you're happy and nobody's getting hurt.

Good luck.

-d-

 

[HunterM]

Learn about safe sex before you play around. Have fun exploring.