Slow

[MajorApollo]

This guy I'm starting to date says he wants to take it "slow"... but I don't know what that implies.
I haven't been in many relationships, with either sexes, and I don't really know what this means or requires.
The last time I saw him, he stayed over my house...and we did stuff that night ...
Is that moving slow or...

 

[MajorApollo]

You're talking to the wrongs guys... only one dude can answer your question.

Hit him up!

.... that said, I always wanna go slow with someone who has real potential, but never do -- too horny If I had to guess --oh yeah, I do-- would say your guy's prolly not so different. Whether consciously or not, he's try'n to tell you he's hoping for a little something more with you than a fling. Plenty of guys come on like they're looking for more when they're not... chances are a little less he's one of them.

...and....ummm...yeah, he may have meant just emotionally, leading to kind of the opposit as 'necessarily wanting more. ugg! ask him!

Have a blast!

LOL!
Thanks.

I did have one thing with this one guy before him...
We had a nice night together, didn't really do anything. I went on one date with him. But then he started to ignore me. He finally talked to me, and said that he doesn't want to start anything yet because of exams and that he's not going to be in contact with me till the end of the semester.
I found it to be a major turnoff. I have my own exams to worry about, but there's still time to do stuff. He said he hung out on the quad with friends the day he told me...and I asked why couldn't I be there?
I've tried talking to him, but he won't respond to anything. I DON'T like being ignored, it reminds me too much of my past. So I just forgot about him, and met this other guy...who I can see myself with. He's also MUCH hotter.

 

[hanshansen]

I'm not gonna flame, but I do take issue with this.

(Disclaimer: I'm not the most sexually experienced person.)

First, what's true for 'healthy homosexual development' must, absent a good reason, be true for healthy heterosexual development. So we're saying that truly everyone - guys and girls - needs to explore their sexuality by sleeping around lots at some stage.

I know that's what people said in the 70s but I can't help thinking it is trashy and slutty ... I guess that makes me old-fashioned ...

I guess I have a question about priorities. I do believe in the whole 'gaining experience/getting to know yourself' thing, but I would generalise it to go beyond sex. You need to figure out how you interact with other people and what kinds of people work for you. Sex is only one part of that, and how important it is will vary for different people. I would prefer to be with someone who is interesting and socially developed and wants to be intimate with me than with someone who is 'a very sensual person' and is expert in 24 sexual techniques, but doesn't have those other qualities.

The second question then is what the costs to sleeping around are. There may be reputational costs - while you and your friendly local psychologist may not think so, lots of people do consider it trashy and slutty. There may be emotional costs (of sex with lots of people you don't really know) - I don't know about that, it probably varies for different people. Then there is the fact that it's much easier to hook up with someone you don't really know on a temporary basis than to build up a trusting working relationship with someone. I know people who have used one as a substitute for the other ... it didn't make them very happy. Of those, the ones who made the switch (from whoring around to focusing on relationship-building) regard that as an important watershed in their lives.

 

[KaraBulut]

This guy I'm starting to date says he wants to take it "slow"... but I don't know what that implies.
I haven't been in many relationships, with either sexes, and I don't really know what this means or requires.
The last time I saw him, he stayed over my house...and we did stuff that night ...
Is that moving slow or...

Gay translation for "...take it slow..."

Is usually...

1. I don't want to get emotionally involved too quickly but sexual involvement is okay
2. I just got out of a serious relationship and I'm not ready for another one

The best advise you've gotten is to talk to him. Only he knows what he means and - more importantly- why he said it.

 

[Eagle653]

The best advise you've gotten is to talk to him. Only he knows what he means and - more importantly- why he said it.

I couldn't agree more.

I'm not about to judge your new bf whom I've never met, but I can tell you that, from my own experience with friends, it's one of the most disingenuous things people (of both sexes and heteros and homos) say.

To be honest, I've never known what that means. I can understand something like "I want to take this at my own pace." I get that--and fair enough. But, deliberately "slow." Is this like a dessert that you want to savor--saving the whipped cream and cherry for last?

Anyway, we're all guessing. Talk to him and see what "slow" means to him, and why he wants to go at that pace.

Good luck!

 

[954dude]

This is basic --- self-control and communication will take you two a long way. If he wants to go slow, just be understanding of his feelings. Do what feels natural.

 

[MajorApollo]

Well...
There have been some developments...
Ok...so the first guy was just using me, which I learned from this guy I met last thursday, who I'm now seeing.
The other guy I was trying to start something with hasn't called me in awhile...so I don't think that's going anywhere.
I'm happier with the new guy anyway. He wants me around, even though we can't be all buddy buddy around all of his friends because they don't know he's gay. He's afraid they will tell his parents, who don't know as well. Only a few friends he can trust know.
I've basically told everyone, except for my family. I need money for college, and I don't know how they will handle it.

 

[G-Lexington]

Not sure what to say other than "good luck with all that".

Lex