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So, Heres my problem... (20bi guy x me(19 gay))

EnergyBluex

EnergyBluex

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Hi everyone... So I need help with this..

Recently a guy wanted to be friend with me on facebook. I accepted then after we talked a lil bit, i found out that he was going at the same college as i do. He told me that he really liked my pictures and that i looked very good. (That guy is a VERY good looking one too...) So we kept talking like that for a while. He even told me that the more he was talking to me, the more he wanted to know about me. Everything was going very nice and smooth.. UNTIL

I found out he had a boyfriend the next day... ... I asked him if he was single, and he told me he knew i was gonna ask this sometime. He told me he was and wasnt single at the same time. That his relationship with his boyfriend was like a rollercoaster, going well and bad and well and bad. He even said, from what i'v seen from you in the past days, id love to tell you that im single, but i wont lie to you, im not...

So yeah.

Idk if its because i know hes not single or if its because he is bi, or both, , but i feel really attracted physically and emotionally x1000 by him right now. He has a VERY nice personality and hes very very beautiful. We're even studying at the same department at school etc.. But idk what to do now...

Should i push while its not going well with his boyfriend or should i go slowly? I dont want him to feel harrassed by me... This situation already happenned to me once and it failed.. I dont want to lose this guy, it would be a pure waste lol...

HALP #-o
 
EnergyBluex said:
This situation already happenned to me once and it failed.. I dont want to lose this guy, it would be a pure waste lol...

HALP #-o
Click to expand...

Let's be clear: you can't lose this guy because he's not yours. He is seeing someone else.

There is no reason that you cannot be friends with this guy. He was honest with you. You should be honest with him and say, "I like you and I'm looking forward to meeting you. It's a shame you're not single because there might have been more to this than just friends. But I'm not the kind of guy who dates guys who are taken, so we're just going to have to be friends for now".

If he gets pissed off because you won't take this further- then you will know that he is someone who has different values than you and he's probably someone that you would never be able to trust completely.
 
^ What the wise ones have said.
 
KaraBulut said:
Let's be clear: you can't lose this guy because he's not yours. He is seeing someone else.

There is no reason that you cannot be friends with this guy. He was honest with you. You should be honest with him and say, "I like you and I'm looking forward to meeting you. It's a shame you're not single because there might have been more to this than just friends. But I'm not the kind of guy who dates guys who are taken, so we're just going to have to be friends for now".

If he gets pissed off because you won't take this further- then you will know that he is someone who has different values than you and he's probably someone that you would never be able to trust completely.
Click to expand...

100% agree with this. Saying what's written above sounds perfect and you should just get the reaction to that and then think of your next course of action. Like KaraBulet said, the reaction will determine if this guy is even worth worrying about. Keep up updated!
 
Or he could be 'up and down' with his boyfriend for years. Just remain friends and don't do anything with him until he officially leavers his bf.
 
I doubt his boyfriend has the same pessimistic feelings about their relationship as he does. When together with him, he probably acts very happy. Then behind his back he says the opposite, in hopes to score a hookup with someone different. Any guy who says he still officially has a boyfriend and also is looking for another is bad news. Imagine someday when he is doing the same to you.
 
Sooooo.. Lil update here. We're having a date saturday and we'll spend the day together....

I finally decided to tell him the truth. Saying that I wanted to know what was his feeling about what was happening between us. What he wanted to do.. I told him that if we're going to meet eachother like that, i might start to feel something about him that might not be good since he was already in a relationship...

So he told me that I was confusing him alot right now... He said he almost wish he wasnt in a relationship and that he really liked me, wished he met me b4 and everything, but even if his relationship wasnt going very well, he was still in one. He told me he really wanted to see me so we can know eachother better and that he atleast wanted to be friend with me. But he would NEVER do something with someone else while he was in a relationship...

Atleast i know he is not the kind of guy doing some shit with someone else while having a boyfriend... Thats a good news..

Anyway, then he said he first wanted to meet me, know me, become friend and then maybe we could be something more than friends... He dont want to screw everything for someone he didnt see that much...


I know im taking huge risks right now, and i might hurt myself alot... But i wanna give it a try, going slowly like he said... Id better hurt myself knowing he didnt want to us to be more than friends than not knowing at all...

I dont like to be in that kind of situation, where the only one that can do something about it is the one in a relationship, im really not the kind of guy that wait for someone like that, but he's a really nice guy....

So we'll see, like i said, we'll spend the day together saturday... Then we'll see eachother again next week... Etc, + we're going at the same school, so i think thats a plus... That will give us some time...

So yeah.. Ill keep you updated again.
 
Yep. Walk away from the gong show. Don't see someone who is in a relationship, someone who is basically is trying to figure out if you'll be an "upgrade" or not....once you get close enough of course.
 
bankside said:
Yep. Walk away from the gong show. Don't see someone who is in a relationship, someone who is basically is trying to figure out if you'll be an "upgrade" or not....once you get close enough of course.
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Yeah.. Thats what i've been thinking too.. That mean hes maybe the kind of guy that get an other bf instead of working on his own relationship... But , jeez, its so hard to go see someone else... This guy attract me like no one ever did. I cant just walk away like that.. I know its dumb.. I know im doing a mistake and theres a high % of chance that this will turn bad, but im really stubborn....](*,)
 
EnergyBluex said:
Yeah.. Thats what i've been thinking too.. That mean hes maybe the kind of guy that get an other bf instead of working on his own relationship... But , jeez, its so hard to go see someone else... This guy attract me like no one ever did. I cant just walk away like that.. I know its dumb.. I know im doing a mistake and theres a high % of chance that this will turn bad, but im really stubborn....](*,)
Click to expand...

I say go with your guy instint. If you want to be his friend, then hang out with him. You'll never know what will happen if you never try. Good luck!
..| ..| ..|
 
You're already compromising on some of your values. That is a slippery slope, especially if you are both attracted to each other.

There's nothing wrong with doing something together as friends. But you're probably going to be better off sticking to short meetings in public places during daylight hours.
 
^ This.

And by the way. A lot of cheating in relationships is emotional and not sexual.
 
EnergyBluex said:
Yeah.. Thats what i've been thinking too.. That mean hes maybe the kind of guy that get an other bf instead of working on his own relationship... But , jeez, its so hard to go see someone else... This guy attract me like no one ever did. I cant just walk away like that.. I know its dumb.. I know im doing a mistake and theres a high % of chance that this will turn bad, but im really stubborn....](*,)
Click to expand...

When you know deep inside it's going to be a mistake, it will be one. I once dated a guy where I said the same thing 2 weeks after meeting him. It's far easier, less heart wrenching, and emotionally healthy than it is after you spend a couple or few years in a relationship with him. That pain is heightened when you know you knew it was a mistake and didn't listen to your gut.
 
First, there's a reason his relationship is like a rollercoaster: he's the problem.

Second, it really doesn't matter what we say to you because in your heart you know you will go for it if you get the chance. You are acting like a puppet.
 
My Advice. Strike while the iron's hot. He want's you and by the sounds of it you want him to.

Maybe at first you both could meet in secert to see how things go then after a while if things seem to be going great ask him to be your boyfriend.


Hope everything works out for you.
 
Hello again.

So our last *date* went really well. We spent the day walking downtown and talking, knowing eachother. He's a really nice guy!

I realized i wanted to be friend with him b4 doing anything while he was with his boyfriend.. I tought about it alot, and even tho its hard, i wont give him anything freely while he's seeing someone. I dont wanna be a puppet...

So yeah, only thing that happenned between us is that we kissed eachother while he was at my home but it didnt last.. I mean, we both understand that this is not right etc.. So yeah, we talked about it and hes not ready yet to leave his boyfriend, and i understand that. So we're just friend for now!

Tomorrow we'll see us again, im going at his house. But i dont plan on doing anything wrong, and ill be clear with him if he tries something(since he started to kiss me when we were are my house, we'll be only 2of us over there, idk if he will try something again or not, but i dont think so lol)

This sound maybe wrong, i know it, but when we kissed eachother it was just.... cause we couldnt control ourselves... After a day trying to avoid anything very intimate between us, we couldnt resist lol.. But now i feel more in control of myself. So we'll see where this will lead us..
 
Some people seem to just need to be in a relationship. The idea of being alone is a scary thought. It may be that he wants to get out of his current relationship, but wants a new relationship to start as soon as the old one is over. If that's the case, he may want to make sure he wants to be in a relationship with you before he breaks up.

On the other hand, he may just be a horndog who wants to be in a relationship and fuck around on the side.

In either case, you should decide if you are OK with either option before you do anything.
 
palemale said:
Some people seem to just need to be in a relationship. The idea of being alone is a scary thought. It may be that he wants to get out of his current relationship, but wants a new relationship to start as soon as the old one is over. If that's the case, he may want to make sure he wants to be in a relationship with you before he breaks up.

On the other hand, he may just be a horndog who wants to be in a relationship and fuck around on the side.

In either case, you should decide if you are OK with either option before you do anything.
Click to expand...

This is good advice. It always amazes me how many people are terrified of being alone, and the lengths they go to avoid it. I love being single. I love being in a relationship. My happiness or contentment has never been reliant on a relationship status.
 
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