So I came out...now I need help. PLEASE :)

[merman1234]

Heeeloo!
Been a while since I’ve been here. But oh well.
Since my last post...I lot has happened! Like for one...I came out to my parents! Whew...It didn’t happen at all like I expected it to. And I also came out to my dad before my Mom, which wasn’t in my plan of things. It’s crazy.
I guess I’ll tell the story of everything...just because I haven’t really told too many people...but if you’d like to skip this part you’re totally welcome to.
So to start things off I just give you the heads up that me and my dad don’t get along really well. For years now I’ve (secretly) hated him. Just everything he does totally clashes with what I think. We’re two totally different people and have different ways of looking at life. Anyways...Christmas eve morning I awake to the sound of screaming. He comes into my room and just went nuts. He was pissed about a number of things, on my part. But the way he addressed it all was totally ridiculous. He threatened me, and charged at me at one point. For the most part when ever my dad gets pissed and freaks out like this I just swallow what I want to say and add it all to my pile of hatred towards him. This time though, I exploded back. I jumped out of bed and yelled just as loud and we both got up in each others faces. I was scared as hell while doing all this but something side of me was just roaring to go!
Anyhow...he threatened to kick me out of the house(over dumb stuff like not having my room clean or my laundry done) mind you this was Christmas eve.
So I was just thinking w/e, I move out in a couple months anyways so just forget about him and return the favor by hating him some more.
I found the fight to be so bad that I decided to leave(not for good) but I got my brother to drive me over to my best friends house. I chilled there for a bit until my dad phoned. He apologized and said he was completely embarrassed for acting like a lunatic. I remember him saying something along the lines of: "I think we’re long over due for a talk" I told him I wanted a couple more hours to think and then he could come pick me up to go for a drive.
So I sat with my best friend and wrote down a huge list of everything I had ever wanted to say to him. All the stuff that couldn’t just be brought up in a normal conversation.
Long story short....we went for a drive I spoke for a long time about stuff he had done and choices he has made that I totally disagreed with and so on. Then he spoke and returned most of it. We both have issues with each other. I’m not saying I’m the perfect son.
Anyways after things were mostly sorted we drifted the conversation to other things. He said he was concerned about me for the last while. I guess since I hadn’t been talking to him for the longest time, he thought I was depressed or something...I don’t know.
For the record....I was great. Life was(still is great) I guess just from a parents stand point of view I wasn’t showing it.
In the end my dad danced around the topic and finally said something along the lines of:
"Are you okay? Are you sure you’re not dealing with anything like...sexuality or something?"
At that point I smiled and just said..."well you’re right dad I’m gay" and from there on we had a half an hour conversation about the story of it. Finally we arrived home....gave each other a big hug and went inside.
My mom who had decided to stay out of the whole fight and not pick a side was happy to see us both back at home.
While still on a high I pulled my Mom aside up to my room and told her.
She shed a few tears and said one of the most beautiful things I will ever heard.
"We just want you to be happy"
Of course my parents knew and suspected all at the same time. They’ve talked about it and it was just a matter of me being ready to tell them. I’m perfectly cool with the way it all unfolded.
They are both accepting and could care less who I’m sleeping with (which is no one at the moment FYI)
So that’s the story of me coming out...
Now for the me asking for help part.
I’m a pretty young guy...(but not too young to be on here so don’t worry) Anyways.
How do I say this without making myself sound completely pathetic...? lol
I’ve never been with anybody.
Whenever a girl comes lurking around my quarters I push her away and my standards for guys are way too high. Not only that but my selection is slim.
So, other than the odd fooling around with some girls along the way....I’m 100% virgin.
Furthest I’ve gone....a kiss?
Can’t believe I’m telling EVERYONE this...lol but w/e.
Anyways...I’ve been hoping to meet someone for the longest time. I want to meet a guy. I want to kiss for the first time, I wanna be loved, I want to be in a relationship...you know all that jazz.
I’m a bit of a spiritual person so I believe a lot in fate and stuff. For the longest time I have stayed patient thinking "when he comes, he will come"there’s no sense rushing out to get blown by the 3 openly gay guys I know.(whom I have no interest in what so ever!)
The opportunities are there, I’ve been confronted by a few guys but instantly I can tell, they’re not for me. Now I don’t wanna sound shallow or someone looking for ONLY one person.
I’m open to a lot of things, but I also know what I want.
So....anyways after me babbling. I’m just wondering...how did you guys meet the right guy(even if he wasn’t "the right guy", at least someone you felt comfortable with enough to be intimate with and give a chance too)
I don’t want some random guy to add me on face book and that be the story of my first love. I want it to be real.
There just doesn’t seem to be anybody around for me, and of course like most people I worry. Will I ever find someone. Are my expectation for a guy out of wack?
SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSOOOOO...
I wanna meet someone, where to look (good spots) and how do I know to make the move...or fall for the guy....ect??
Basically some advice on first relationships/ just even sexual experiances...
Thanks a lot if you bothered to read all that. And thanks in advance for your advice.

 

[Comrad]

Learn to paragraph and structure. I know you looked over that wall of text and said it was a bit much, i just know you did.

 

[merman1234]

uhm...lol thanks.
Yeah I suppose.
Sorry if it's hard to flow through guys.
Next time though...lol

 

[landers]

You're looking for just one person but the truth is that there are many people out there that you could be happy with.

As for where to meet that/those person(s) you might want to try a dating website. It may not be all romantic and stuff but the reality of dating isn't very romantic either. Think about it, meeting people in bars where you could both end up shit-faced and because of the influences of alcohol a guy you thought was great could end up being a real loser. The true is same for online dating, guys you meet can be losers but at least online dating gives you the ability to do some pre-screening and pick someone as close to what you want as possible.

However you choose to meet people don't discount those who do not perfectly fit the mould of what you want because the perfect guy does not exist. Everyone has their downsides and you'll have to accept them along with everything else you like about someone or a relationship won't work.

Your standards may be too high, I don't know what they are so I can't say for sure but you could be wrong. For a long time I thought my standards were too high until I met a guy that while not perfect (because there is no such thing as a perfect guy) was pretty damn close. Whoever you do end up finding, because of your lack of experience, he should be patient and go as slow as you need to and not push anything on you that you don't want.

Good luck

 

[ineffablejk]

Good for you that you were able to tell your parents and lucky you that they are supportive. Your off to a good start. Concerning the boy friend. Most of the guys you come in contact with are most likely as inexperienced and as nervous as you are. Often what you see on the outside is not what is on the inside. By inside I mean the intention of their hart and their real personality. Often they are so nervous that the real self does not come out.

Look for friends first, not a boy friend. Because you often don’t see the real person at first you need to give people time to show you who the real person is inside of them. At that point you will be better able to decide if they are boy friend material or not. If they are not you have a friend. The more gay friends you have the more gay people you are exposed to and the more gay people you are exposed to the greater the chances you will have to find a boy friend.

If you are waiting for the Knight in shinning armor to come up and sweep you off of your feet that’s most likely not going to happen because a lot of other people just like you are waiting for the same thing. You want to get as much exposure to as many people as you can. The best way of doing that is to have a lot of friends. So, even if this or that person does not look like boy friend material if your friends with him you maybe exposed to someone else through him who is.

 

[rareboy]

Learn to paragraph and structure.

and to never use these as verbs.

Otherwise, glad to hear that you and your parents are actually communicating and that your father apologized for being an idiot.

It sounds like you have a considerable amount of growing up to do though, before you get into a healthy adult relationship.
You can practice by being a better person around your parents.

I hope that getting rid of the 'hate' has unburdened you and that you will never turn your anger in that direction again.

 

[Huskerboy]

It was refreshing to learn that your coming out to your parents went so well. I'm proud of your courage and know from experience how difficult that type of conversation can be. My parents were also very accepting of me, and much like your Mom, my parents have mentioned several times that they want me to be happy, and to have someone special to share my life with... that's a great feeling, isn't it!

The guys here have given some good advice about using web-based sites to make connections with others. It'll give you a chance to get to know someone before meeting, thus helping break the ice and possibly help you to widen your ideas of what/who the 'perfect' guy for you should be like.

The bar scene can be risky, but we've probably all been there on done that. Fact is, that's where I met my partner of 13 years... at a bar in Houston called Heaven! His cousin (a friend of mine) introduced us, and even though I'd had waaaaaay too much to drink I went with him to an after hours party that night (New Year's Eve)... Yes, there was of course, a physical attraction, but I got to spend some time with him, had dinner the next day, spent the night together, and boom... the rest is history. I love him more than life itself...

Give yourself some time, and don't get too uptight about rushing your first time. Even though the hormones and every fiber of your being are pushing you in that direction, make sure you're comfortable with whom you're with. Don't get too overwhelmed with looks - they fade with time - but find someone with whom you have a connection with. You'll know when the time is right... and the guy is right.

Good luck, put your trust in fate, and always play safe...

 

[G-Lexington]

First off, congrats on coming out to the parents.

Next up, guys. Yes, we'd all love the 6'3", muscular, hung, amazing-in-bed, no-baggage-attached guys who want nothing more than to live their lives with schlubs like us. But ends up they're a bit harder to find than we'd like.

Here's what I'd suggest. Get OUT there. Not necessarily into a dating situation, but into social situations. Meet people. Get to know them better. Men, women, gay, straight - it really doesn't matter. Because even if you have no interest in bedding/marrying that woman you're talking to now, it'll get you more accustomed to talking to people. You'll get better at being social. And then, when you DO stumble across someone that makes your nether regions tingle, you'll feel more secure when you talk to him.

And don't be so quick to stamp people "LTR MATERIAL" and "FORGET IT". I was pretty sure I knew what I wanted in a guy, too. Tall, slim but muscular, dark hair, clean shaven. Now I'm partnered. With a shortish, roundish, bald guy with a beard. AN no, my "type" didn't change. And no, I didn't "settle". I fell in love.

Lex

 

[KaraBulut]

And no, my "type" didn't change. And no, I didn't "settle". I fell in love.


As it should be.

 

[TygreBryte]

Congratulations and I'm glad for you that your parents aren't freaked on this part of your life.

Find gay friends. Meet friends friends. Keep us posted.

 

[barefootbob]

congratulation on coming out to the folds, that was a big step. you don't have your age in the profile, so I'm guessing late teens/early 20's.

Look for a gay/lesbian support group (may have to google for your area) that caters to your age group and go from there.

good luck

 

[merman1234]

ohhh.
I totally know what you guys are sayng(most of you anyways) About just getting to know more people and make more connections.

I think right now, I have the same likelyness with hooking up with a guy as any straight guy does.
If that makes any sense.

I know what you were talking about Lex, theres been people before that I have never thought in a million years I could like, but for some reason something they do just makes you fall for them.

I guess really, I just wanna be with a good guy, whom I can trust. I don't have one of those profeils in my head...blonde hair blue eyes...blah blah blah...I just want to be happy with someone cool.

So, from here on it, I'm going to stay positive and be open to things. It's cool here: I've got a couple friends (along with my parents) who know I'm gay but no "gay friends" who have experiance in situations or anything.
So thanks a lot everyone for the support!