So, I'm admitting to myself that i'm a bit jaded...

[Tomcat]

Any advice? similar experiences, etc?

I'm carrying baggage, aren't I?

You know...like when they say someone is carrying all the memories and crap they've dealt with in the past on their shoulders.

You can keep your memories with you as experience what you don't want from your future boyfriend. Don't let them be an obstacle.

In your situation I would take it slowly and try to be friends first - see where it might lead to. Those that only want to get in your pants don't have the patience to take it slow.

 

[rareboy]

There's an attractive guy who expressed to me his interest in me recently...and I am thinking about meeting him/going on a date...but in the back of my mind i'm thinking what's he hiding? Does he just want to get in my pants? does he have good intentions? Will he be a waste of time, etc.

Baggage?????You're lugging around a whole set of Louis Vuitton knock-offs.

If you carry these kinds of expectations and prejudices into every date, no wonder you're having trouble. Certainly in the good old bad old days, when sex was just sex and not a metaphysical portal to monogamy and a lifetime commitment, it was a lot easier to have fun with a guy on a date and then move on if there wasn't a deeper connection.

Being fearful and assessing every guy as a possible waste of time is a sure fire ticket to a lifetime of solitude. I'd say that you might want to assess whether suspicion and paranoia influence other areas of your life and if so, try to see a counsellor about this potentially serious problem.

If your love life is the only area where you have these types of feelings, then why not just pull the pickle out of your ass and try to simply enjoy people and experiences for what they are, instead of thinking that it all exists to please only you.

 

[G-Lexington]

If you're to the point where that you're gonna be fucked-and-ran-upon, why not meet people in a non-sexual context? Not at bars or "hook-up sites", but art openings and classes and the library?

Lex

 

[M4P]

I've been out of the dating seen for ten years now but I can relate to how you're feeling. What's the old saying? You have to kiss a lot of toads? Seriously, its not easy. I always found it was easy to get a date but difficult to find someone you'd like to go out with a second time

I agree with the advice you were given about meeting guys in non-sexual ways. Do some volunteer work, take a class, join a sports league. Gym's are great places to meet guys too

Something else - they seem to come around when you're not looking and when you least expect it

Good luck!!!

 

[screwnutty]

...when it comes to dating.


Yeap...I am starting to realize that I am scared to date now. Not terrified or anything...but I am just unenthused and worried that I'll meet another 'dead end' or waste my time with someone.

I know the feeling man. I've only been with one guy for about 15 years. It was an on again off again affair but we were best friends and we meet each other in grade 10. I never really looked anywhere else. He was my life so to speak. So I left those good years 18-24 not looking or learning anything cause I was with him. I was happy etc. Boy what a pipe dream. One girl....just one spoiled it. It took me a year just to get over the fact that I hated him....and when I say hate...I mean hate. I never felt that way about another living soul in my life and I hope I never do again. But like you....I'm scared to date too. Not that the pool of gay guys in my area is massive. Infact I say it's pretty much bone dry. They all move out of here asap!! Though some move back but like you I wonder if it just end up as another waste or more likely that I'm not good enough or cute enough for them. I'm 31 years old. My good days are behind me! lol I'm pretty much your average overweight gay guy. So I've become comfortable (maybe a little too comfortable) living and spending time by myself. Anyways I know this doesn't help you but I'm just letting you know that you are not alone. Your feelings are not just for you. There are other out there. You may find your guy but your going to have to be patient. Guys as they get older, there priorities change....they start to look for a partner not just sex after awhile so hang in there!!

I'm carrying baggage, aren't I?

Man...who isn't! Baggage is baggage....sometimes it can be a total turn off and sometimes is just who we are. Learning to turn your baggage into a personality trait that doesn't offend people is a rare gift. But I'd hate to meet a person who doesn't have some type of baggage...cause then they really never lived life to the fullest!

 

[Aflute04]

Oh hunteo! I'm sorry about your shitty luck with men :-(

I think you just need to go with the flow and as someone stated, start off with more of a friend vibe... If they want more than sex, then don't waste your time. Just be done with it then that way you won't end up with another crappy man story.

 

[screwnutty]

Thanks!

Glad you know what I'm feeling. and you're right...a lot of guys experience this.

Also...for the part I bolded. That's not a deal-breaker. I am quite fond of guys with meat on their bones.

As for your age...that's perfect to me.


Thanks for your words.

Why Huntneo.....are you asking me out on a date?

 

[screwnutty]

I'm game...

Cool!


Ever been to Canada? We have wild beach parties. You, me, a group of my friends. Bonfire on the beach. Dancing the night away. Roasted pig. Canadian Beer. Sound good to you?

 

[rareboy]

You should watch how you "give advice" and opinions on here, because your posts run close to being flaming.

I can only suggest what has worked well for me. Take it for what you will.

Best of luck with the dating and here's hoping they all won't continue to be disastrous or so unfulfilling.

Someone much wiser than I posted the following on another thread.

Just relax, keep yourself open, and just live your life until you meet another special someone.

You might want to follow his advice.